Aaaaand we're done.

I have a herniated disk, which is bulging outward and pinching the nerve that runs down my left leg. I will be scheduling a neurosurgery consult in the next few days. Most likely it will require surgery. Yay!

Scott yelled at me today. I believe the exact words he used were, "You are the most stupidly stubborn person I've ever met." See, I've been working half days for the last 4 work days. On vicodin. And last week, on vicodin and prednisone. Driving all over town. On my feet for four hours at a time. In enough pain that often I had to stop teaching and just clench my teeth or let out little mewling sounds. (The kids' reactions were entertaining, to say the least.)

And see, me being the selfish person that I am, I kept telling myself, it isn't that bad, people are counting on me, I don't want to let them down, I don't want them to think less of me. My kids need stability in their lives, and I AM that stability. I have to be there for them, my coworkers, my boss, my school...well, honestly, for everyone but myself. And while that SOUNDS all warm and fuzzy and selfless, really the only reason I do that is because I don't want them to think that I'm a bad person, so I push myself to make myself look good.

Scott finally called me on it today. He was pissed off, too - rightfully so. I am damned stubborn. Anyway, I have a doctor's note that I'm excused from work for the next week so I don't end up in a worse situation. Right now the disk is just bulging, but it could rupture, which would be all kinds of fun. So I'm going to take hubby's (and doctor's) orders and stay off my feet.

And I'm about to go embark on my last nursing session. The doctor gave me percocet because the vicodin isn't doing as much for my pain as it could. The last time I was on percocet Emma had some side effects, so I decided that since I've been slowly adjusting to the idea of weaning over the last month or so, I'm just going to call it good. I hurt too much to sit up and nurse her right now anyway.

I made it to 10 months! Which is 5 times as long as I nursed Alex, and 10 months longer than some women make it, so I'm going to take that and be proud of myself, dammit.

I'm going to go lie down because my leg is spasming at the moment. And I'm going to cherish the last few nursing moments I have with my daughter.