Update

Just for you, Matt, more on my boobs!

So I've been nursing Emma every 2-4 hours for the past week and giving her a 4 ounce bottle about every other session. She's already getting chunkier, and is still happy as ever. Supply is up a little, but not much. Got an email back from a La Leche League leader, and I'll be calling her tomorrow.

I'm exhausted after 24 hours with my sister-in-law and her two kids. I offered to take the three of them to dinner last night with me, Alex and Emma, and wow - I can't imagine doing that alone - women who want more than two kids are crazy. I say that as lovingly as possible, but seriously - CRAZY. And it really wasn't the babies who were nuts, it was the 3 and 4 year olds. I think Kristy and I got two words in to each other, the rest were telling the kids to knock it off or making sure to feed them something.

And Alex? I don't know who invaded his head the past 24 hours, but he was a little snot. I think the jealous sibling attitude is finally hitting him - and he took it out on Jazlyn. Unfortunately, they both have the firstborn, strong-willed child personality and they try to boss each other around, and Alex is having a hard time remembering to use his words before smacking or kicking. I think 2 weeks of unstructured Mommy time (he hasn't been in daycare because of the snow, the holidays, and this trip) has made him excited to get back to school. (Shh...I know I'm ready to get him back there too!)

Anyway, I'm exhausted and I know for a fact that I'm not having any more kids. 2 is perfect. One for each hand, one for each parent. Now if I could just convince Scott...

Wow, can this kid EAT

Maybe it's because the poor thing has been starving for a month now, or because I have so little milk for her, but since Monday I've been nursing Emma every 2-3 hours AND offering her a 4 ounce bottle afterward - and she takes it all, without spitting anything up. Add that to the occasional solids I've been giving her and the kid is flippin' ravenous. Now I'm worried that she's getting too much, instead of too little.

I've been having other people feed Emma her bottle, since I don't want her to think she gets anything but breast from me. So I asked Scott's aunt on Christmas Eve to feed her. While we were talking, she said, "Oh, I loved breastfeeding so much. It was the easiest thing in the world."

Seriously? Granted, she didn't know of all my difficulties. All I could think to say was, "Oh, this has NOT been easy. By any stretch."

Scott asked me last night what I think is wrong. Honestly, it could be one of a million things - I'm not eating enough calories, I'm getting enough calories but not enough of the right things, I'm stressing too much about it, I'm not resting enough, not getting enough exercise... I wish I knew. The only thing I can do is attempt to address all of those issues the way I have been. Which hasn't been working.

Gah. I'm contemplating talking to the lactation nazis about it, but I imagine they won't tell me anything I don't know.

Anyway, Christmas posts coming soon - our camera has been acting up and won't upload the pics to the computer so it might be a little while. Hope everyone had a merry Christmas!

Current mood: depressed

So at the doc today I found out Emma's weight. 14 lb 14 oz. Two ounces LIGHTER than her last weight a MONTH ago. You know, I could be wrong, but I thought that babies were supposed to get HEAVIER with time.

So if my struggle with breastfeeding over the past 7 months hasn't been evidence enough, the fact that she's actually LOSING weight tells me it's time to do something else. Which, let me tell ya, is heartbreaking. I thought it was WORKING, people. I thought my boobs WORKED, for chrissake. I thought my beautiful, happy, smiley baby was getting all she needed. She's been getting solid foods lately too - cereal, veggies, fruits, Cheerios, Gerber puffs - we even started yogurt a few weeks ago.

I don't know what to do at this point. I've worked my ass off trying to get this nursing thing to work for so long now that it would be pointless to quit, but I know that if I start supplementing it'll screw with my supply even more.

But honestly, I'm tired of worrying about it. I'm tired of taking 20 pills a day of vitamins, calcium, fenugreek and blessed thistle just to find out that I'm depriving my precious baby girl of what she needs. I'm tired of Scott thinking I stink because the fenugreek comes out your pores (it smells like licorice, which he apparently hates). I'm tired of the stupid nursing bras and restricted clothing choices. I'm tired of having to eat oatmeal every morning for breakfast to make sure I'm getting my protein (although I'm sure my cholesterol levels are better now). I'm tired of worrying that if I skip one feeding for a goddamned date night that my supply will drop and I'll have to add two pumping sessions a day for the next week to make up for it. I'm tired of pumping 3 times a day at work and not even getting enough milk for one (yeah, ONE) 4 ounce bottle. (Side note - everyone told me, and everything I read said, that you can't ever get out as much with a pump as the baby can get out. In other words, I shouldn't worry that I'm lucky if I pump an ounce and a half each session - baby's getting more than that. Riiiight.) Bottom line - I'm just fucking tired.

Will I keep doing it? Damn right I will. I'm not going to stop until my boobs decide otherwise, or I reach one year, whichever comes first. I just need to decide if I want to spend the next two weeks power-nursing - feeding her once every hour and hoping that works to increase my supply - or just say fuck it and start giving her a bottle after each feeding.

I'm leaning towards the fuck-it side of things.

I don't know. We'll see. I just want to do what's best for Emma, because obviously whatever I've been doing isn't. And I don't know what else to try anymore. And I'm tired of trying.

Go Emma!

So yesterday Emma had a big day - she started clapping, high-fiving and saying "ba-ba-ba" and "va-va-va" all in one day! So far she's pretty much only managed high-pitched squeals and the occasional "ma-ma-ma" (which, since it usually only happens when I'm out of the room, has my mom convinced she actually knows what it means).

I also think the poor thing has a UTI - we took her to the doc today, despite the snow. But she's awfully freakin' happy despite any discomfort - now that she has discovered a volume other than "deafening" to her voice, she is talking constantly and varying tone and level. I asked her to high-five me last night and I swear she said "ai-aive." :-)

I'll have more pics of Emma and more pics of SNOW! very soon.

Can you say BUSY?

So here's a sample of what we've been up to in the past two weeks.

Cake decorating. Took the first of four classes last week and made 4 (yes, 4) cakes this past week for various different occasions. Here are 3 of them (I forgot to get a pic of my mom's birthday cake).






Alex's Tae Kwon Do test. He passed! (And seriously, what is it with kids' feet? I love how cute his little toes are.)





SNOW! We have at least six inches out in front of our house right now. It's GORGEOUS. This is what it looked like yesterday. It's deeper today.



I found Alex's first Christmas outfit. What's funny is that Alex was only 3 months old at his first Christmas, but the outfit is a 9 month sleeper. And it's big on Emma, who is 7 months. :-) Alex is in the second picture.





Emma had her first bath sitting up. Up until now I put her in a bather that lies her down. She really liked it - she discovered splashing. Alex, again, is in the second picture. I love that I accidentally get these shots - I usually don't intend to replicate pics I took of Alex, I just happen to see that they match after I get one of Emma.





OK, I'm done for the night. But I've got two weeks off of school, so I guarantee there will be lots of posting for awhile! YAY! :-)

Don't get me started...

..oh wait, there I go.

So my dad forwards this thing on to me the other day. He now seems to be on this "I've never said a word about religion during my childrens' whole lives, and now my daughter's an atheist so I have to convince her otherwise" thing. Which is kind of interesting. But he's very passive-aggressive about it - twice he's sent me emails and once he said something to Alex.

Anyway, he sent this to me. I've only excerpted here, because the rest of it isn't really relevant. Forgive the typos, they aren't mine and I don't feel like editing.

"The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary.

Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her 'How could God let something like this happen?' (regarding Katrina) Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, 'I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?'

In light of recent events... Terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found a few years ago) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK.

Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.

Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.'"

Now, by no means am I trying to pick on anyone of any faith. I recognize that faith is a very personal and important thing to many people. The thing that pisses me off is that, once again, people REFUSE to put blame where blame deserves to be placed: at the feet of people and their OWN ACTIONS. Or, in the case of the hurricanes - WEATHER PATTERNS. 'Cause, you know, there have NEVER EVER been hurricanes in Florida. Or Texas. Or Louisiana. EVER. The terrorist attacks? Not the fault of a group of religious fanatics who believe that we are the enemy - they're the result of Americans asking God to get out of our lives.

Oh, and the Madeleine Murray O'Hare thing? I love how in parentheses it mentions that she was murdered. Because she DIDN'T WANT PRAYER in our schools! She was murdered! Because she turned her back on God! Oh, and the whole Dr. Spock thing - his son committed suicide! What irony! And it TOTALLY had everything to do with his father not spanking him! (I have no idea why that happened, I just find it interesting how this particular email paints it that way.) Oh, and yeah, because I don't teach the Bible in my classroom, I'm telling kids they should kill and steal and hate their neighbors. Right.

The thing I DO agree with is the "you reap what you sow" comment. I don't think it has ANYTHING to do with God, but I do believe it has to do with personal responsibility. You don't want to lose your Airstream to a hurricane? Don't live on the Gulf Coast!

Ugh. You know what? Believe whatever you want to. More power to you. But don't you dare tell me bad things happen in this world because we turned our backs on God. Bad things happen in this world because life is not BLACK AND WHITE. There will always be people doing bad things to other people. There will always be natural disasters causing damage and people to lose lives and homes. Even if you get the entire world to believe in one particular religion or god, you still won't be able to control the thoughts and actions of all those people, and therefore, there will STILL BE BAD THINGS HAPPENING. And even if you get every single person in the world to believe in one god, one religion, one day a tsunami will still take out half of an island nation DESPITE WHAT THEY BELIEVE.

Gah! OK, I'm off to go play a game with my son, because I don't want him to become a trenchcoat-wearing murderer. I might throw in a spanking or two, just to keep him in line.

Double GAH!

2008 Year-in-Review

Where​ did you begin​ 2008?
At Justin and Kelly's apartment. I was pregnant, so no repeat of my shenanigans from a few years ago. (You know, the "dress-up" incident. We shall NOT discuss.)

What was your statu​s by Valen​tine'​s Day?
Happily married...as usual. :-)

Did you have to go to the hospi​tal?​
Yup. There's this thing called childbirth.

Did you have any encou​nters​ with the polic​e?​
Hmm...does my friend Miles count? ;-)

Where​ did you go on vacat​ion?​
Went camping a few times this summer. With a newborn. Which was actually easier than it sounds.

What did you purch​ase that was over $​500?​
Our freakin' obnoxious-screen TV. 56".
Tell me, why in the hell does ANYONE need that much TV?

Did you know anybo​dy who got marri​ed?​
Yup! Teri and Tod, Alex and Matt, Scott and Becky...wow, this was a slow year. We usually have at LEAST 5 weddings to go to. Come on people, get crackin'! (Nic, I'm talking to you!) ;-)

Did you know anybo​dy who passe​d away?​
Not personally.

What sport​ing event​s did you atten​d?​
None...unless you count walking onto Qwest field when I took my kids to meet the Seahawks. But it wasn't actually a game.

What conce​rts/​shows​ did you go to?
Went to the Comedy Underground once.

Where​ do you live now?
University Place. Hope to stay.

Descr​ibe your birth​day.
I don't remember. I think we probably just went to dinner or something.

What'​s the one thing​ you thoug​ht you would​ never​ do but did in 2008?​
Managed to breastfeed my daughter! I didn't think I would make it as long as I have!

What has/​have been your favor​ite momen​t(​s)​?​
Finding out I was having a GIRL!
Seeing my baby girl for the first time.
Realizing that I can be happy! It just took a few months of DRUGS! Hehehehe...
Watching Alex take his test for his yellow belt in Tae Kwon Do and PASSING!

Any new addit​ions to your famil​y?​
Emma Michelle, 5/6/08, 9 lb. 13 oz., 21 1/4 inches
Matsen Wesley, 6/20/08 (my new nephew)
And I found out that two of my best friends will be having babies in '09, Kelly (it's a BOY!) and Sara (HOLY CRAP, it's TWINS!).

What was your best month​?​
May. Definitely. :-)

Who has been your best drink​ing buddy​?​
Well, let's see. I was pregnant from Jan. to May, and breastfeeding from May until now, so WHEN exactly have I had a chance to go drinking? Dammit?

Made new frien​ds?​
Not really, been kinda busy. Kept up with the old ones.

Favor​ite Night​[​s]​ out?
Haven't had many of those this year. This is seriously going to make a few people puke, but my favorite nights have been the ones when Emma actually wakes up in the middle of the night to eat. (She's such a good baby, she VERY rarely does that.) It's another 20 minutes I get to spend with her. And she's cuddly when she's tired and hungry. She's not a very snuggly baby so I take it when I can get it. :-)

Any regre​ts?​
Regret is for those who don't appreciate what they have. :-) I'm extremely lucky that I have the things I have, and the choices I've made got me where I am. That and two kids have kept me so busy I don't have any time to do anything stupid. :-)

What do you want to chang​e in 2009?​
I'd like to increase my resume by getting a job teaching in another building.
I've been very lucky to be in the same school for 7 years and I've learned so much, but I know there's still so much more to learn!

Overa​ll,​ how would​ you rate this year?​
Scale of 1-10? 10. Probably my best ever. It has been a very good year.

Have any life chang​es in 2008?​
See above new additions. ;-)

Chang​e your hairs​tyle?​
Couple of times. I'm growing it out now. Tried large amounts of blonde most recently. I like it.

Get a new job?
Nope. Same job, same school. Although I took on a 4/5 split this year. Which is a challenge, to say the least. But I'm loving it.

How old did you turn this year?​
29.
Should I stop answering this honestly now?

Do you have a New Year'​s resol​ution​?​
Be a better mom and teacher.

Did anyth​ing embar​rassi​ng?​
Nothing that sticks out. I would say childbirth, but I had a c-section, so I didn't even have the opportunity to poop on the table. There were plenty of times that I finished nursing Emma and tried to fix my shirt but it didn't cooperate, so I'm sure I flashed a few people.

Get marri​ed or divor​ced?​
Neither.

Be hones​t - did you watch​ Ameri​can Idol?​
Nope. I'm all about So You Think You Can Dance.

Start​ a new hobby​?​
Cake decorating. Need a cake for an occasion? See me, I'm exploring what I can do right now.

Been snowb​oardi​ng?​
Nope

Are you happy​ to see 2008 go?
Actually yes, but only because I'm excited to see what my kids will do in 2009.

Drank​ Starb​ucks in 2008?​
Duh.

Been naugh​ty or nice?​
Both. Hehehe... :-)

What are you wishi​ng for in 2009?​
Refinance the house, pay off the SUV, buy a bigger sedan, go to Hawaii in December, get a new teaching job somewhere...wow, this is going to be a big year!

HA HA

Big 3 Bailout

Aaaaaannnndd...

Look! More pics! And more and more pics!

Emma just wouldn't give me happy for these. But they're still cute. Alex really does like his little sister.






When a boy meets a girl...
1. Emma/Matsen: "If I just sit here, maybe he/she won't notice me."


2. Emma: "Ah, what the heck. This kid's stealing all my frames. Maybe if I push him out of the way or take a chunk out of his hair..."


3. Matsen: "I can't believe she just did that to me! Here, maybe if I eat her shoe she'll go away."


4. In unison: "Seriously, Mom - WHY are we doing this again? We all know I'M the cute one!"


Sweetness and light (right before the "No!"s and defiance).

You want pictures?

'Cause holy crap, do I have PICTURES. Take a gander. And try not to puke at the overwhelming amount of cuteness that is my kiddos.

These first two are of Alex, Emma, and their cousins, Jazlyn and Matsen. I had just pulled my camera out of the cold car so the lens was foggy. We'll just call that "soft focus." And you should have heard me and Kristy trying to get these pictures - I think our voices at one point got so high dogs couldn't hear us. But these kids sure are precious.




How perfectly adorable are THESE? I can't believe I have such beautiful kids. And they look like such little angels here, don't they?




Look! It's me! (And Alex and Jazlyn, but this is a rare treat to get a picture of me that I don't hate...)


Grandpa, Emma and Matsen. BTW, Matsen is a month and a half younger than Emma but 2 pounds heavier and 2 inches longer. Which is so weird - I don't make small babies, how did I get a small baby?


My son, the model.


Grandma, Grandpa and all 4 grandkids (so far). Check out Alex's face in the second one. SO typical. :-)




And OMG, how sweet is this? Emma in her exersaucer. Don't you just want to die? :-)


I have more! Can't wait, can you?

Oh yeah...

I talked to Elron today. His new teacher called me last week and I made sure to call her while they were still in school so my kids could tell him Happy Thanksgiving and he would know we're thinking about him. His teacher seems really nice, but I'm not sure she bought my whole, "there's a soft spot deep down somewhere, you just have to know how to find it" spiel. He apparently already had to chat with the principal because he was arguing. Elron? Arguing? NOOOO. Seriously? Really? (Are you detecting my sarcasm here?) Anyway, he seemed really happy to hear from me. I think I'll check up on him periodically.

GLITTER!

Just sayin'.

*giggle*

Civic Duty

So I did my civic duty today - I postponed my jury duty. :-) Hehehe...I wonder how long they let you put it off? I got called first in September, which, come on, I'm a teacher. 'Cause THAT is a fabulous time to take two weeks off of school. So I postponed it until December which was as far back as I could push it. I got the reminder notice today and promptly postponed it again - so now I have to show right after school gets out. I'm actually interested in it - the whole process and such. And who's to say I wouldn't get an interesting case? (I've watched way too many crime dramas. I can totally see myself yelling "Objection!" in the middle of a trial.) Anyway, I will be officially performing that duty in the summer. And I won't postpone it again. I promise. ;-)

Tomorrow's turkey day. A friend of mine asked if I was cooking.

...

(Forgive me, I'm still convulsing with laughter.)

...

Ahh, that's better. Actually, my response was, "That's what family is for!" That and I don't need a case of mass poisoning on my record. I don't think I would ACTUALLY poison anyone, but since I can't seem to multitask to save my life when it comes to the kitchen (I can't ever seem to keep the macaroni and cheese noodles from boiling over onto my stovetop, especially if I'm working on something else too) I think it's safer for everyone that I put off spending all day in the kitchen as long as possible. That and I'd probably leave the giblets in the turkey.

But Emma gets to wear her ADORABLE new outfit that I bought especially for the holidays - a beautiful aqua blue sweater with matching tulle skirt (WITH GLITTER!). This is the whole reason I wanted a girl. For the GLITTER!

I know, I know. I have always made a point of saying that I'm not all about the girly stuff. I'm such a lying piece of crap. hehehehe... Seriously? I played with My Little Ponies and Barbies growing up. I loved horses. I wore nothing but dresses until fourth grade. Can I help that I like THE GLITTER? It's GLITTER! It's SPARKLY!

...begin mini-rant...(Scott is always wondering what to get me for gifts and such and he usually doesn't end up getting me anything because I tell him not to or that I don't want him to spend the money. And he actually listens to me. Bastard. One word - diamonds. That's all. Seriously, he could take some initiative and ignore me one of these days. Don't ask, just do it. 'Cause if you ask I'll tell you not to spend the money. If you just do it I'll be so entranced by the GLITTER SPARKLY that you won't even get yelled at. And there might even be a little extra thrown in. Just sayin'.)...end mini rant...

So yeah. GLITTER! Just typing that makes me smile. Dude, that mini rant totally threw off my train of thought and now all I want to do is go in Emma's room and pull out her little aqua tulle skirt and stare at the GLITTER!

I am SO posting pictures tomorrow. Betcha can't wait - I can't!

GLITTER!

Go Hawks!

Took my kids to meet the Seahawks today. Goalsetting thing that they do every year. It was okay - I was hoping the kids would actually get to interact with the players, but they really only got to say hi to one while they were being rushed through the line to get things signed. It wasn't as cool as I had hoped.

What was cool was that our friend Nic got to come with me - I had a parent cancel and had a chaperone spot open, so I asked him and a couple other friends if they wanted to come along, and he happened to be available. He was great - the kids loved him and I think he was a good influence on them. I don't think he knew what he was in for with these kids though. :-)

I would post pics if it weren't for privacy and anonymity issues. I don't have any real cool ones, just my kids and me. The only time we got close to a player I was trying to make sure I had all of my kids ready to get lined up for the bus, so I didn't get a pic of the one player I got close to. Nic said it was worth it, though, so I'm glad he enjoyed himself. We'll see if we do this again next year.

Why do they always leave?

“Tell me and I'll forget; show me and I may remember; involve me and I'll understand.”

Elron is moving.

DammitshitsonofabitchI'mpissedoff. WhydoesitalwayshappenRIGHTwhenIactuallystarttoget
somewherewiththesefreakin'kids????

OK, now I feel better.

So Elron tells me this today. Mind you, his mom ended up in the hospital with some pretty serious issues. And apparently there was a shooting outside their apartment. And all kinds of unpleasantness that you have to deal with in that area. Mom told me that they would be moving away from this as soon as she could get them away. So I suspected this was coming. That still doesn't make it FAIR.

Now the poor kid has to go to another school in another town with another teacher who will probably NOT give him the kind of understanding that he needs to be successful. And the MOST frustrating part is that I can't tell you how many times this kind of thing has happened before. I pour my heart into teaching these kids and then their parents, for whatever reason (some are just rent hopping to avoid paying the next month, some are trying to avoid being shot, some are trying to avoid abusive relationships and just disappear...) take them away from a place where they are actually getting some structure and safety.

It just makes me so ANGRY. Not just because of this one kid, but because this has happened so many times in my 6+ years of teaching. And it's one of the main reasons I've got to get out of this environment. I can't do the kind of good for these kids that I want to do when, just when I've started to make some progress, the kid up and leaves for the next low-rent motel. (Oh, but because they were enrolled at our school as of October 1st, their failing WASL scores count toward OUR school. Don't get me started on THAT one.)

UGH. I love teaching. I love the look on a kid's face when she/he has that AHA! moment, I love the chance to get that kid that no one else likes to smile at you every single day (and actually turn in homework), I love actually getting kids to THINK and REASON and DEDUCE and ANALYZE... But I'm really tired of having to fight so hard for it. I really admire teachers who are able to work in buildings like mine (and worse - because there are so many worse situations I could be in) for their entire careers.

I'm tired. I'm going to go to bed. Wake me when somebody figures out how to make parents more accountable for their own kids - their lives AND their education.

"If I ran a school, I'd give the average grade to the ones who gave me all the right answers, for being good parrots. I'd give the top grades to those who made a lot of mistakes and told me about them, and then told me what they learned from them."

6 months!

So last week marked a couple of milestones for us - Emma turned 6 months old and I have been nursing for 6 months! So while Scott is at the grocery store with Alex this morning (yeah, he actually made it, although he didn't get out of bed until 10 am) I'm taking pics of Emma and blogging to celebrate. Enjoy the cuteness.
She's trying to sit up...but I was really just lucky to get this pic before she fell over. :-)

Couldn't you just die? :-)

Cuteness

So I woke up early one morning and heard Alex talking to Emma in her room. I walk in there and see this. Apparently she was tickling his toes. And he was in there having a conversation with her like she could talk back. He ADORES his little sister. Except a couple of times lately I've been giving her a big happy smile and he's put his hand in front of her face so I can't see her. Can you say J-E-A-L-O-U-S? :-)

Happy as a clam.
So I finally have some Halloween pics to post. Here's Emma in her Ladybug costume. Which is kinda funny because I've been wanting to have a daughter in a ladybug costume since I could imagine having kids, and my mom even bought one back when I was pregnant with Alex, before we knew he was a boy. And here comes Emma, and that costume that my mom bought is too big. So we had to get her a pajama set. Which is still pretty darn cute.

And Alex, being Bumblebee. He's using one of his TaeKwonDo moves. He was so excited to have this costume - especially since he got to wear his Bumblebee tennis shoes with it.

Well, I'm off to bed. Scott says he's going to take Alex to the grocery store first thing in the morning so he can make omelets for breakfast. 10 bucks says it doesn't happen. :-)

Bits

Halloween:
My child does not belong to me. I am now convinced. He goes out trick-or-treating with Scott while I sit down to nurse Emma. I finish nursing Emma, and back in they come. Turns out they went to 4 houses. FOUR. And what does he do when he comes in the door? Starts GIVING AWAY HIS CANDY. He ate one piece and then started offering it to us. (While all of this is really cute and sweet and OMG HOW PRESHUS...seriously? No kid of mine turns down candy.) He was very cute - he went as Bumblebee (the Transformer, not the bug) and Emma wore a ladybug sleeper with a matching hat and bib. I'll post pics when I figure out how to get them off my camera.

Election:
Apparently my PRESHUS kiddo is convinced that Barack Obama is a bad guy. And I originally thought he got that idea from my parents, but when I asked him, he said, "The man on TV said he would send bad guys to kill us!" Honestly, I thought we had a pretty good handle on what the kid was watching, but apparently not. Here's our exchange from this morning:

Me: Alex, how do you feel about Barack Obama?
Alex: We don't want him to be our president. (Mind you, I have NEVER said this to him. THAT part was strictly my parents. And maybe my brother too.)
M: Well, honey, yesterday our country had an election where lots of people voted, and they decided that Barack Obama will be our next president.
A: But he's going to send bad guys to kill us!
M: No honey, he's not going to send bad guys to kill us. But he is going to be our next president.
A: But...John McCain...is a GOOD man...
M: Yes, honey, John McCain is a good man too, but Barack Obama will be our next president.
A: But we want John McCain to be our president.

At this point I decided a political discussion at 6 in the morning with my 4 year old wouldn't yield much more than a swift kick to my own head, so I let it go.

Honestly, I'm not exceptionally happy that a firm democrat will be in the White House, but the enormous sigh of relief that I just heard from a huge portion of our country was not only audible but palpable. I don't think there was much McCain could have done to win (aside from MAYBE picking a woman who was more moderate as opposed to hard-nosed Republican like Palin). As for me, I didn't vote for either of them. I won't tell you who I voted for, but I did write someone in. :-) A friend of mine said, "Aw, now your vote won't count." Yes it will - it will count by NOT going toward either of the candidates that I didn't want in office to begin with. So there ya go.

School days

So I have this student. We'll call him Charles L. Ron, or Elron for short. He's a little snot. What you might call a "troubled child." Always has an attitude, mouths off to teachers, occasionally bullies and tries to be sneaky and get away with as much as possible.

And I "get" him.

I have no idea why, but I do. I was the exact opposite in school - goody-two-shoes suckup. But for some reason I seem to be able to get more out of these troubled kids. Elron and I have an understanding - I always let him know how much I care about him and his success, no matter how much of a front he puts up, and he will do what he can to be respectful in my class.

He has grown up a bit since last year, and the behaviors he's showing in class are much better than then, and even better than they were when he first joined my class. So I decided he needed to be recognized. Because this kid needs loving attention and positive praise like no other kid I've ever met. (Ok, that's a total lie, but he needs it badly.)

I think I get more out of these kids because I let them know that I love them, I keep expectations clear and specific, and I don't talk down to them. When Elron screws up, I tell him he has screwed up, I explain why, give him a consequence appropriate to the situation, give him a minute to cool down, then I let him know that I still care about him and that whenever he cools down he can start working on whatever he was working on before the screwup. In the last month, this has worked so well that he has been voted student of the week by the class, received treasure box from the principal, and now, today, he was called for Good Citizen. Which is a huge deal - it only happens once or twice a month and only to one kid per class.

I don't think everyone was happy about it - there was a huge uproar at the assembly (the kids were totally shocked, apparently), and one of my friends' students told her, "But he's mean! He picks on me on the bus!" Which is probably true - I wouldn't put it past him. He is trying so hard to fit in somewhere that he thinks being the bully is how he can do it. I don't think many people tell him what a great kid he really is.

With these kids, it's all about the baby steps. I've seen improvement in MY CLASS. Therefore, I chose him from MY CLASS for an award that celebrates student's achievements.

You should have seen the look on his face. He hugged our principal, he waved that certificate around like it was the Olympic Torch, and he grinned like his face would split. He came back and hugged me too, and I don't think I've seen him happier.

It's all about the little things. One victory here means one more victory there.

Baby steps.

Hehehe...

see more puppies

Still here

Ugh. The cough is still around. And it's drier, which means I'm hacking my brains out to hack something up that just. isn't. coming. Yay me.

I am so tired of constant-busy-non-stop-doing-SOMETHING-all-the-time days. School is nuts - I have no downtime, I have to leave earlier than I used to, and I'm not getting as much done. I get home and it's a constant rush of getting dinner, kids bathed, laundry done, breakfast pre-made and clothes laid out or put on the kids ahead of time. Right now is the first 5 minutes I've had to myself all day long - and I didn't get home until 6:45 because I had a meeting that lasted until 5:30 (I left early, actually, because I had to pick up Alex), then I had to take care of my parents' dogs (while they're in HAWAI'I. Grr.). You'll notice housework is located NOWHERE in that schedule. Aside from laundry - I'm proud of myself if I get one step of the laundry process done each night. But my floor needs to be vacuumed, my living room is a cluttered mess and my kitchen has dishes leisurely piling up in the sink. Yup, I could be doing those right now, but I think my head would probably explode. Scott worries about me when I get overwhelmed like this and starts telling me to sit down and that he'll do this or that. Thank god, because I'd go nuts if he didn't.

Anyway, I just needed some downtime to vent. It's not like we can change much right now - we can't afford for me to quit work, so this it shall be. For awhile anyway. Gotta run - showering and more laundry to do.

Blah.

You know that kind of cough that makes your whole body shake and quiver while you're trying so hard to get something gross and mucus-y out of the back of your throat that you feel like you're going to die?

Yeah, it isn't THAT bad.

Yet.

But knowing that my mom has pneumonia makes me want to shout, "Hooray! Body-wracking spasms here I come!"

I'll let you know if I survive.

A tree on a hill

Scott: Dude...Mouth, Gigi, Millie...two hot women, geeky guy...there's hope for me yet!

Me: ...

Scott: You know, for my closet wife.

Me: ... (gets up and leaves)

Scott: Wait! I was SO kidding!

Me: I am SO blogging about this!

Hehehe...

OMG, I'm so proud of my young self. As I'm reading through my old diary, even when I was as young as 10, there are NO spelling or grammar mistakes. My god, I'm a dork.

Okay, seriously? Here's an excerpt from October 7, 1991 [current thoughts, anecdotes and painful realizations from myself now to my self then in brackets]:

"Today was my last day at riding [lessons] (for awhile anyway). I'm really gonna miss Tenny [Ten-Spot, the horse I always rode]. I don't know when I'll be going back. Mom and Dad say I have to prove to them I'm more responsible and then I'll get riding back."

Seriously? I honestly don't know many kids who were more responsible than I was. WTF? The only thing I can think of is that I didn't make my bed or clean up my room like my mom wanted me to, but compared with some of the kids I teach every day, I was a frickin' saint. (I did get riding lessons back eventually.)

This one breaks my heart. And really embarrasses me, because it's the 19th entry in my diary, and the 10th entry about boys. I didn't think I was really that boy-crazy...

"12-13-91
Dear Diary,
Hi again! I'm back at riding. Turns out Andy didn't know a thing about the Nick thing [I have no idea what this means.].

But anyway, I don't really care. Nick is cute. So is Troy. So Is Charlie. But you want to know who is more adorable than any of the rest of them? RYAN. Yup. He hates me though. Actually, I don't think he hates me. He's just mad that I told everyone that I liked him. But, anyway, I don't stand a chance against Ellen and Stephanie. But, actually, I think the one I have to worry about most is Stephanie. Even Ellen is JEALOUS. Ryan's even talking about asking Stephanie out. [Who the hell is this Stephanie chick?]

You know, I'm thinking about giving up on boys. I'm not gonna have a boyfriend until I'm 32, anyway. Unless one pities me. [Ouch. Yeah, that pretty much reflects my self concept from elementary school on.]

I'm just sick of getting my heart broken. (I'm being too dramatic, aren't I?) But first it was Matt, then Jeremy, then Charlie, Troy, and now, Ryan. He DID like me, he admitted it. Matt was my boyfriend. He left for Sunset [Elementary School. This was in ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.].

Jeremy was my boyfriend. He dumped me. (Well, he didn't tell me he didn't want to be friends w/ me anymore, he just wasn't.) Charlie, now I know he liked me. It showed. [Poor guy. I don't know what he did to deserve what he got later...]

And then he became the most popular kid in school. Then I wasn't good enough for him. [...the fact that you're a neurotic over-analytical stalker psycho didn't have ANYTHING to do with it, did it, Marce?]

Troy liked (likes) me. I know it. I would have a boyfriend right now if my ?friends? hadn't hounded him. I know he likes me though. [Do you? Do you REALLY? 'Cause it sounds like you're rationalizing, honey...]

Well, so far, Troy's the only one I have any kind of chance with. Matt moved, Jeremy hates me (maybe, I'm not sure), Charlie's too popular, and Ryan likes Stephanie. Lord, why do you do things like this to me? [Holy crap, I talked to God. When did I start talking to God?] Don't you think I've had enough? 4 broken hearts since 2nd grade? [HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.... Whew...sorry...*wipes away a tear*...nope, here it comes again...HAHAHAHAHAHA]

I DON'T think I deserve this. Do me a favor please. Give Troy the courage to ask me out. [Wow, I'm still talking to God. Seriously?] That would be great. I really like him, but I don't know if he knows. If he did, I think he might ask me out. I need this, Lord. It would really help my self-esteem. At least I'd know somebody likes me. I'd really appreciate it."

All joking aside, it is really sad that so much of my own self-concept was tied up in the acceptance of boys. But damn, this is funny, looking back through the lens of experience. And it scares the crap out of me, because one day my little girl is going to start thinking like this. Or if not as neurotic and clingy, then at least being interested in boys. Whoopeeee...I can't wait. :-S

More later!

I seriously think too much.

So I'm reading Dooce this morning and she's posting about a book that was written recently about teenage diary entries. (Just the topic sent me into a fit of giggles - I have my pink ballerina slipper diary in the closet behind me - I may just import a gem or two in a minute.) This entry sparked something in me mainly because it illustrates the dichotomy between what we're taught and what we eventually believe, and the journey we take to get to that point. Dooce is undeniably a liberal, but she comes from a dyed-in-the-wool Mormon family and even went to BYU, and in her diary entries she discussed some very strong religious views she once had about gay marriage and other topics. In other words, she once was a very religious conservative, and now she's a very NON-religious liberal.

So having taken quite a similar journey myself (not on par with hers, necessarily, since she was and is a little further to each side than I was/am) I was wondering some things.

So it's a natural human tendency to rebel against authority. Which I think is a wonderful thing in the long run (not necessarily while you're parenting teenagers, but eventually, I mean) because it allows for freedom of thought and gives us the ability to develop our own belief systems. My question is, if you are taught something by your parents that they very strongly believe in, what are the chances that you will believe it too?

Like I've said, my parents were very strong conservatives - but they never pushed the religion issue. Now I'm a very liberal conservative with no religion whatsoever. One thing I have seen is that for those who begin to question the beliefs they are taught, the stronger those beliefs are in the people who taught them, the further away some fall from them as they grow. I have a friend whose husband's parents are one particular religion that is very much a "women cannot wear pants, can't cut your hair, must be subservient to your husband" type of faith. Once he got out of the house and was able to form his own opinions, he became an atheist. But a couple of his siblings are still active in that church. My husband grew up in an LDS household and still believes in God but is not interested in being active in the church, while his older brother is very active and the church is a big part of his family's life (Hi Kristy!).

So where do you find a balance? I'm always wondering how I should approach belief systems (politics or religion) with my kids. I'm tempted to just let the chips fall where they may since it was really important to me that my parents allowed me to develop my beliefs on my own. They aren't exactly ecstatic that I'm not a true Republican anymore, but they respect it. I do believe very strongly in some things but I don't want my kids to think that they HAVE to believe the same way I do. In fact, I would probably be happy if either of my kids chose to be the opposite of me, because that would mean I've done my job and allowed them freedom to choose.

One thing I do NOT agree with is ANYONE saying that there will be consequences for not believing one particular way. Which is probably why I have such a problem with Christianity and religion in general - for example, the whole Catholic idea of going to Hell if you're not Catholic doesn't exactly sit well with me. It just contributes to the whole, "I'm better than you because..." mentality, or at least that's the way I feel when I hear it.

I've always said that I will teach my kids as much as I can about all religions, and about the lack thereof (since I'm rather familiar with that one) and when the time comes, allow them to make an educated choice, hopefully avoiding bias on my part as much as I'm capable. I'm sure my in-laws would adore it if Alex or Emma chose to join them on the road to the Celestial Kingdom (does that need to be capitalized, Kristy?) and I'm glad that my kids will have them as a resource. In the opposite vein, I always make sure to tell my 4 year old when he asks me about Jesus that, "Some people believe this, other people believe this." Some would say that has to be confusing for a kid his age, but as smart as he is, I know he's taking it all in, and I hope it makes for a well-rounded kid.

So I guess I answered my own question. It doesn't really matter how far from your parents' beliefs you end up - it's the journey you take to get there. And the fact that they offered you the chance to make your own story.

Stay tuned for some truly hilarious diary entries from my 13-year-0ld self. One in particular that everyone who knows me will probably die laughing after reading. :-)

Seriously?

Dude, my Justin Hartley and Tom Welling pics are gone. I am SO sad. I guess I must have violated a terms-of-use policy or something.

Come on, give a girl her eye candy!

The things we do.

Hi. I'm Marci. Nice to meet you. No, I've been here before. It's just been awhile. There's this thing that happens - it's called "two kids" and "working mom" and "not taking a shit without someone coming into the bathroom with you."

In other words, life happens.

But I'm back, and it's really only because I'm taking tomorrow off. My mom is sick - pneumonia sick - but getting better now. She can't take care of Emma right now, and occasionally will have panic attacks or breathing attacks and needs someone with her all day, so I'm taking tomorrow off so I can do that. Which means that tonight I have time to bring my lovely bloggy friends up to date on all the excitement that is my life.

Alex started Tae Kwon Do a few weeks ago. It was rocky to begin with. Like, so rocky that when Scott took him one night he came home so pissed off at our adorable little snot of a son that he kicked Alex's binoculars and broke them. (They weren't on his face at the time, they were on the floor.) Which is SO out of character for my easygoing, nothing-bothers-him kind of a husband that it should tell you how frustrating Tae Kwon Do started out.

So we take Alex to his first couple of weeks of lessons and each time I'm getting more and more discouraged. Alex can't focus. So the half hour lesson is nothing but Alex running around at random, falling down all over the place (on purpose), giggling, talking out, turning around and looking at everything but the Master, running up to the mirror and putting his hands and face all over it, all while being 100% oblivious to the other kids in the class and how they are behaving.

This continued for 4 weeks. Each time I would try something else to see if it would help. We tried getting him to bed earlier and letting him sleep later. I tried taking dairy out of his diet. I tried rewards. I tried punishments. FINALLY I hit upon something that worked, and it worked at both lessons this week. Get this:

1. Make sure Alex is in bed by 7:30 the night before. If possible (and Scott is either driving in or working from home the next day) let him sleep as late as he can (which usually is not later than 7).
2. Get him dinner before the lesson. Since we have to head there directly from daycare, I go by Burger King, get him a hamburger with no ketchup (we're avoiding red dye this week), apple slices and milk (NOT chocolate, we're avoiding sugar as much as possible).
3. Get him a small treat of some sort and state what he must do to earn it. (No falling down tonight. No climbing on the punching bags. Etc, etc.) The kids meals make this easy - I just use the toy from the meal.
4. Clarify the expectations and consequences. If he climbs on the punching bags, touches the mirror or windows, or falls down on purpose, he immediately gets pulled out of the lesson for a one-minute time out. If he makes it through the lesson with less than 3 corrections for these behaviors, he gets his treat.

I don't know which of these things made the difference this week, or maybe it was all of them, but he had two awesome lessons in a row. He's catching on to the Master's instructions, he's learning the forms, and he's getting better. Holy crap, he's getting better. But damn, is this hard work.

After trying soccer last summer and failing miserably, I'm feeling a little better about this. I'm thinking organized sports might not be Alex's thing, which is totally cool with me - neither Scott nor I played sports after elementary school. I was involved in other things like piano, singing, ballet, gymnastics, swimming, horseback riding, etc. Alex is in dance, gymnastics and Tae Kwon Do, all of which utilize the strength he has (his energy and large-motor skills) and expend it in a constructive manner.

I'm happy with this so far. As long as he's happy with it, we'll continue. More activity certainly isn't going to hurt my hyperactive, energy-to-spare child. And giving him something to celebrate can't hurt either - he was so proud of himself after his lessons this week. Another little boy, the best in the class, came up to me afterward and said very sweetly, "Alex did really good tonight." I almost cried.

It's the little things. :-)

Mmmmmm...

Justin Hartley.

Tom Welling.

Can you see why I watch Smallville?;-)

I couldn't resist

Here's Alex looking all cute in his Twitch shirt that my mom bought for him last night.



And here's some actual pics of me - I'm always the one with the camera so I don't have many pics of me. My kids are definitely cuter than I am - but I can see a resemblance, can't you? ;-)

SYTYCD

Why is it that when I read that I always think "STD"? It's really an unfortunate acronym.

Went to the So You Think You Can Dance tour show tonight. It was AWESOME. I have NEVER been one for getting all googly-eyed or screamy over celebrities or boy bands or whatever, but man, I'm a sucker for a hot dancer's body. I have watched every single episode of this show and I've been to the tour show two years in a row now (I missed the first year 'cause no one else but me watched the show and I didn't think I could get anyone to go with me).

This is my favorite dancer from the show, Stephen "Twitch" Boss. He came in second, but he'll always be first in my heart. *sighs*

I love to dance. I always have. There's something about music and movement that just speaks to me. (You'd never guess it to look at me, but there ya go.) When Alex was born, I spent many hours dancing around my living room with him in my arms. I don't have as much time for that with Emma, but I still manage it once in awhile.

The really cool thing? Alex LOVES to dance. I have him enrolled in a dance class at his preschool. He's the only boy in the class. All warnings of future "gay-ness" aside, the kid knows how to MOVE and he shakes his booty whenever music comes on. I love that he and I share this, since we don't share much else.

I'm hoping that he's interested in keeping it up. It's great for teaching body control and flexibility, and it will help him if he ever decides to play sports. And I hope he can get past the fact that everyone seems to think it's an effeminate thing to do - 'cause, damn, what other athletic activity will he get to do with a bunch of girls? A bunch of FLEXIBLE girls, at that. (He's either going to love me for it or really hate me one day.)

Anyway, I hope one day that I have a daughter AND a son who love to dance as much as I do. And one day I hope I can share my twitterpated-ness over the show with them. My friend Laura got to bring her daughter, Elise, tonight, and they were both so cute (Elise was adorable when she chanted "Courtney Galliano!").

This is Alex at his first dance recital. I dare you to look at him and not be bowled over with cuteness. Seriously.

Busy signals

Can you tell I've been busy? No posts since Sunday. And even this one gets to be short.

Today I found out that I'll be the 4/5 split teacher for the remainder of the year. Actually, I kind of volunteered. It will look great on my resume and I've been looking for something to get me out of my rut. This will definitely be a challenge, but I'm looking forward to it.

Nursing is going great. I'm finally relaxing about it - the supplements helped to up my supply so Emma is nursing less frantically now and is happier when she's done. She's reaching for toys and such now and loves her taggie blanket.


Tonight we took Alex back to Odyssey 1 for his actual birthday and to pizza for dinner. He loved it, of course. I played the game that I know gives you lots of tickets, and won him 700 something tickets, so he had a blast picking stuff out at the treasure counter.


I'm off to exercise and finally relax. Evenings are so crazy now - I have to be out of the house before 6:15 in the mornings so I have to get everything ready before I collapse on the couch to watch tv or just collapse in bed. Thank god Scott is so helpful or I would go nuts.

That's all for now!