Stuff

A small update on some random and not really interesting stuff:

1. Alex starts basketball in January, officially. They didn't have enough pre-k kids to do a full league but he will be getting an 8-week clinic wherein he will do drills and learn new skills. He's very excited. Oh, he also lost two teeth and got one fully in, and another is coming through.

2. Emma now speaks in half-realized sentences. Her single words are still mumbly and usually consist of only the first syllable, but by god, she can say, "OH NO" and "OH WOW!" with the best of them. She did so tonight when she saw our (fake) new Christmas tree with its fiber-optic light show. She also says "I love you" and (in context, sometimes its hard to make out) she says shoes, sock, purse, dog, arf, bye-bye, night-night, all done, down, up, bath, potty, toilet paper (it really sounds like tah pay), brush, diaper, bear, bug, butterfly, cat, meow, hair, eye, nose, book, no, and probably more that I can't remember right now. Which is totally awesome, don't get me wrong, but Scott and I had a conversation last night that went something like this:
Scott: I'm getting worried about Emma.
Me: Why?
Scott: She doesn't say words. She says sounds.
Me: She has at least 20 words in her vocabulary, that's above average for her age, she'll be fine.
Scott: Yeah, but I want full sentences.
Me: Scott, just because our son was a freak and spoke full sentences when he came out of the womb doesn't mean that all our children will be that way.
Scott: I can't accept that my daughter is not a freak.

3. I'm on break! On the first Monday of break I sent the kids to daycare so I could get all of our presents wrapped. Scott also took the day off and helped me out. Today I got the kids fed and out the door, did the last of my Christmas shopping, got our Christmas tree, exercised, got all the wrapping done, got the house picked up, took a nap (wow, that felt good), cooked dinner, took the kids to visit my mom, came home and sat for over an hour reading funny stuff on the web. I remember there once was a time that I read actual BOOKS, but I find that tha intarwebs are funnier. Sometimes.

4. Before everyone has a brain spasm about that last item (You're a teacher! How dare you say you don't read books!) I must mention that I have discovered a new series of books. All young adult fiction, since my fifth graders are the ones from whom I get the most recommendations of books lately. I started reading The Mysterious Benedict Society series while I had a student teacher and loved it. It's about four brilliant kids who use their different intelligences to solve problems and save the world. There are three books in the series and I'm on book two, and it's getting better as I go. I'm also about to start reading the Percy Jackson series, if only because I want to before the movie comes out. Oh, and I rediscovered the Laura Ingalls Wilder Little House series, and since my aunt (Hi Linda!) bought me the set almost 20 years ago and I read them over and over so often that most of them fell apart, I will be looking to purchase a new set to give to my kids. No child should be without them.

5. I got a new camera! As soon as Scott and I sit down to watch the DVD on how to use the damn thing, I'll post new pics. I used it at school to create a thank you gift for my student teacher (I took pics of all my kids and had them each write a letter to her, then put them all in a photo album). I'm loving it so far, although I've only scratched the surface on what it can do. Scott also bought himself a new Droid and a 24 inch monitor to add to the 22 inch monitor he already had (some unfathomable thing that programmers must have, I guess - dual monitors for 46 inches of screen space).

6. I didn't get my dream job. I applied for the Highly Capable itinerant position that was available in our district and kicked ass in the interview. Did everything right, answered every question, I even knew one of the women on the interview committee and had an "in." Apparently, however, I just wasn't the right "fit." I imagine that they had someone else in mind when they posted the job - standard BS, we have to post it to offer it to everyone, blah blah blah. I am, however, keeping in touch with the teaching and learning supervisor and I have a feeling she might be my in the next time the job opens up. I WILL teach gifted kids someday. Even if I have to leave the district. I could go on, but dooce's rule of "Don't write about your job on your website" keeps flashing in my head, so I think I'll save the NCLB/"Summit" rant for the next get-together.

7. I'm still working on losing weight. I hit 80 pounds a couple of weeks ago, then took a break and enjoyed cake and pizza and a few other treats (that I hadn't touched in 8 months) and now I have to work off a few pounds I had lost. But dammit, I enjoyed that, and I don't regret any of it. :-) I also realized that I have no set time that I have to lose the weight I'm working off. I still have 50 pounds to lose, but it is so much easier to get back into my good habits now that I've established them. It is harder to exercise every day what with the weather, my foot (plantar fasciitis) and my back, but I imagine once the weather gets better I'll have even more motivation. So I'm taking it easy this winter and watching my patterns, and making sure my pants still fit. My cholesterol was 111 and my blood pressure was 110/65, so whatever I've been doing has been working.


8. Aaaaaand...I'm done. For now. More later!

Mrs. Right (all the time)

You'd think that with me being a teacher, I would be full of wonderful educational ideas to impose on my adoring children during my summer break - yeah, I'd really rather run my foot through a meat grinder.

Don't get me wrong, I love watching them learn. Reading books and discussing new vocabulary with Alex? Definitely. Giving Emma new containers and banging implements and watching her create her own little percussion section? Absolutely. Forcing Alex to sit down (FOR FIVE MINUTES, MY GOD KID, JUST SIT STILL)? Not so much. He has decided that he WILL NOT be taught by me unless it involves a situation wherein he is bound by necessity to sit still (IN THE CAR! This works IN THE CAR!) and ONLY involves verbal discourse. An example of the times it works:

Me: Alex, do you know what 'persevere' means? It means, 'don't give up.' What does persevere mean?
A: Don't give up.
Me: Good! Now if it's really hard to get your homework done, but you keep working and trying and finally get it done, what did you do?
A: Persevered.
Me: Great! If you worked really hard to get your room clean and didn't give up, what did you do?
A: Persevered.
Me: And what does persevere mean?
A: Don't give up.

Now this may sound like a pretty big word for a 4 year old, but the thing is, this 4 year old has a pretty big brain. Which is why the fact that he won't let me drill and practice with him is so annoying. So I have to let my car be my classroom. Teaching him on the run. We look out the windows, we talk about what we see. We have vocabulary discussions and he actually uses the words we talk about in conversation later. I don't bother with words shorter 8 letters, on average, because he already has a big vocabulary. He's 4 and he uses words like persevere, for god's sake. BUT HE CAN'T TELL ME WHAT THE LETTER "L" LOOKS LIKE.

Part of my problem with teaching Alex is my competition gene - I hear parents of 3 year olds saying, "She knows all her letters!" And I shrivel inside. Because Alex still calls letters numbers and numbers letters. Now, my rational brain KNOWS that kids don't even need to know the names and sounds of letters until the END of kindergarten, and he has another whole year before he'll even START kindergarten. Plus he's a boy, plus he's verbally advanced not only for a boy, but also for his age (his verbal skills have always been ahead of the curve, even ahead of girls his age when girls develop verbally sooner). Crazy as it is, this isn't enough for me - I've got to drive myself crazy with the fact that he doesn't know his letters yet! And I know, I know, "Kids all develop at their own pace, don't push, he'll get there on his own..." blah blah, I KNOW THIS. The thing is, the kid DOESN'T ALLOW ME TO PUSH.

There is nothing more annoying than being thwarted by a 4 year old.

I know that pushing him accomplishes nothing - he's too much like me, the stubborn little snot. If I sit at the table to have him do a workbook page, he'll finish a third of it and start whining to go outside. (Yeah, that whole perseverance concept apparently was lost on him.) And if I try to get him to finish, he shuts down, whines, gets angry - even when I let him stand up to work (a classic tactic, especially for young kids and ADHD learners). And some parents out there are like, "I would MAKE the kid finish! What are you teaching him by letting him leave it unfinished?" Well, in this case, I'm teaching him a hatred for seatwork. Which is really what his future teachers are going to LOVE me for, am I right?

And the only reason I'm sitting here ranting about it is because I KNOW I have to actually let this go, because he's too smart to NOT figure it out on his own - but that means I'm not in control. And we all know how much Marci LOVES being out of control!

And don't even get me started on Emma, who won't even let me finish 2 pages of a book before she pulls it out of my hands. I have to read to her while she's bouncing around her room, hoping the love of reading will soak in by osmosis or something. Don't get me wrong, she LOVES books - but again, that stubborn independent streak - she will sit for 10 minutes flipping through books on her own, looking at the pictures, talking to the characters - but the minute I try to read a book aloud, she's got to get it out of my hands so she can look at the pictures.

I remember being pregnant with Alex and thinking, "Oh, how much fun we'll have, sitting at the kitchen table, tracing letters, doing flashcards, coloring the right number of bananas..." It's amazing how actual parenthood completely dispels your illusions of what parenthood SHOULD be. And truthfully, part of me is just feeling guilty that I can't do with my kids what my mom did with me and my brother - teach us herself and have us both reading before kindergarten. Granted, I wouldn't want to be a SAHM like she was - I'd go batshit in a month. Summer vacation drives me nuts, expecially now with two kids - I feel like I'm constantly surrounded by needs that need to be met, and my own needs (mostly for alone time and adult interaction/communication) are NOT being met. I'm truly a bitch in the summer, and it's not just the heat (but my GOD, how I hate the heat).

Anyway, it really just boils down to these things:
1. I'm a control freak.
2. I want my kids to be ahead of the curve so I look good as a parent. (Wow, it's hard to actually admit that. And I know not only is that wrong, it's also an indicator that I need therapy.)
3. I have to let go and let my kids be their own wonderful selves and learn at their own pace.
4. Where do I draw the line between letting them be themselves and letting them get away with stuff? Where is that dividing line that says, "Right here is where you have put in the right amount of effort, but this is too much?" When do I stop letting Alex get up from the table and MAKE him finish that workbook page? When do I MAKE Emma sit and read a book with me?
5. I can't MAKE my kids do anything, not without threats - and I try hard not to be a dictator. We try really hard to parent without threats - it's about choices, their own choices, and the consequences that result from those choices. But how, as a parent, do you know which choices are the right ones for YOU to make?

This is the ultimate dilemma and catch 22 of parenting. I don't want to make the same mistakes my parents made, but in the process of trying to avoid those mistakes, I'm going to make others that will screw with my kids' heads. And knowing that, I'll STILL make them. Because there is no black and white with parenting. There is no definitive manual, despite what all those publishing companies would have you believe. There is no real right or wrong, because what is right for you not only is wrong for someone else, but they will very publicly judge and berate you for it. Choose to let your baby cry it out when they won't go to sleep without screaming? You're a horrible person who doesn't care about your child and her need for comfort. Choose to go to work instead of staying home? You're selfish. Choose to formula feed instead of breastfeeding? You're lazy.

And people still want to become parents? It's really a good thing I didn't learn all this until AFTER I started having kids. Or maybe I did know this stuff then - but I chose to ignore it and live in my unicorns and rainbows fantasy (in which my kids actually sit at the table and color with me).

The truth is, one thing that parenting has taught me is that I'm always wrong. And for someone who has based her own self-worth on being right most of the time, that gets downright depressing. My god, how I love those adorable little creatures, but my god, do they constantly have to make me question every single thing I do, say or think?

Yeah. That is THEIR job.

At least they're doing it well. Maybe I can take credit for that.

I could be wrong.

I seriously think too much.

So I go to the dentist today because I've been having this pain in my tooth. Turns out, there's NOTHING WRONG. No cracks, no missing fillings, I don't even have much dental work that could have problems (which is surprising considering my weakened enamel due to some hardcore antibiotics I was on when I was a newborn and my teeth were just forming). Want to know what they think the problem is? Stress. They think I'm grinding my teeth.

Pshaw. No, that couldn't be happening. I haven't just spent the last week obsessing over a stupid baby shower, trying to make everyone happy. I haven't been worrying about my pregnant friend AT ALL. I haven't been in pain lately because the stupid SI joint inflammation is BAAAAAAAAACK (I see the chiropractor and massage therapist next week THANK THE ALMIGHTY INVISIBLE PINK UNICORN). I haven't been worried about my husband's health or my son's behavior or my daughter's breastfeeding or my master's application (did I tell you I'm starting my masters? I must be effing NUTS) or the fact that I'm just about done with the whole boobage thing altogether...no, I don't have any stress in my life.

So I'm going to bed now (late, because, you know, god forbid I actually am able to fall asleep before 11, when I have to be up at 5). Wish me luck - I'm hoping I still have teeth in the morning, instead of just really sensitive teeny-tiny nubbins.

Hehehe...I like the word nubbins.