Seriously?

Stuff

2009-12-21T21:58:00.000-08:00

A small update on some random and not really interesting stuff:

1. Alex starts basketball in January, officially. They didn't have enough pre-k kids to do a full league but he will be getting an 8-week clinic wherein he will do drills and learn new skills. He's very excited. Oh, he also lost two teeth and got one fully in, and another is coming through.

2. Emma now speaks in half-realized sentences. Her single words are still mumbly and usually consist of only the first syllable, but by god, she can say, "OH NO" and "OH WOW!" with the best of them. She did so tonight when she saw our (fake) new Christmas tree with its fiber-optic light show. She also says "I love you" and (in context, sometimes its hard to make out) she says shoes, sock, purse, dog, arf, bye-bye, night-night, all done, down, up, bath, potty, toilet paper (it really sounds like tah pay), brush, diaper, bear, bug, butterfly, cat, meow, hair, eye, nose, book, no, and probably more that I can't remember right now. Which is totally awesome, don't get me wrong, but Scott and I had a conversation last night that went something like this:
Scott: I'm getting worried about Emma.
Me: Why?
Scott: She doesn't say words. She says sounds.
Me: She has at least 20 words in her vocabulary, that's above average for her age, she'll be fine.
Scott: Yeah, but I want full sentences.
Me: Scott, just because our son was a freak and spoke full sentences when he came out of the womb doesn't mean that all our children will be that way.
Scott: I can't accept that my daughter is not a freak.

3. I'm on break! On the first Monday of break I sent the kids to daycare so I could get all of our presents wrapped. Scott also took the day off and helped me out. Today I got the kids fed and out the door, did the last of my Christmas shopping, got our Christmas tree, exercised, got all the wrapping done, got the house picked up, took a nap (wow, that felt good), cooked dinner, took the kids to visit my mom, came home and sat for over an hour reading funny stuff on the web. I remember there once was a time that I read actual BOOKS, but I find that tha intarwebs are funnier. Sometimes.

4. Before everyone has a brain spasm about that last item (You're a teacher! How dare you say you don't read books!) I must mention that I have discovered a new series of books. All young adult fiction, since my fifth graders are the ones from whom I get the most recommendations of books lately. I started reading The Mysterious Benedict Society series while I had a student teacher and loved it. It's about four brilliant kids who use their different intelligences to solve problems and save the world. There are three books in the series and I'm on book two, and it's getting better as I go. I'm also about to start reading the Percy Jackson series, if only because I want to before the movie comes out. Oh, and I rediscovered the Laura Ingalls Wilder Little House series, and since my aunt (Hi Linda!) bought me the set almost 20 years ago and I read them over and over so often that most of them fell apart, I will be looking to purchase a new set to give to my kids. No child should be without them.

5. I got a new camera! As soon as Scott and I sit down to watch the DVD on how to use the damn thing, I'll post new pics. I used it at school to create a thank you gift for my student teacher (I took pics of all my kids and had them each write a letter to her, then put them all in a photo album). I'm loving it so far, although I've only scratched the surface on what it can do. Scott also bought himself a new Droid and a 24 inch monitor to add to the 22 inch monitor he already had (some unfathomable thing that programmers must have, I guess - dual monitors for 46 inches of screen space).

6. I didn't get my dream job. I applied for the Highly Capable itinerant position that was available in our district and kicked ass in the interview. Did everything right, answered every question, I even knew one of the women on the interview committee and had an "in." Apparently, however, I just wasn't the right "fit." I imagine that they had someone else in mind when they posted the job - standard BS, we have to post it to offer it to everyone, blah blah blah. I am, however, keeping in touch with the teaching and learning supervisor and I have a feeling she might be my in the next time the job opens up. I WILL teach gifted kids someday. Even if I have to leave the district. I could go on, but dooce's rule of "Don't write about your job on your website" keeps flashing in my head, so I think I'll save the NCLB/"Summit" rant for the next get-together.

7. I'm still working on losing weight. I hit 80 pounds a couple of weeks ago, then took a break and enjoyed cake and pizza and a few other treats (that I hadn't touched in 8 months) and now I have to work off a few pounds I had lost. But dammit, I enjoyed that, and I don't regret any of it. :-) I also realized that I have no set time that I have to lose the weight I'm working off. I still have 50 pounds to lose, but it is so much easier to get back into my good habits now that I've established them. It is harder to exercise every day what with the weather, my foot (plantar fasciitis) and my back, but I imagine once the weather gets better I'll have even more motivation. So I'm taking it easy this winter and watching my patterns, and making sure my pants still fit. My cholesterol was 111 and my blood pressure was 110/65, so whatever I've been doing has been working.

8. Aaaaaand...I'm done. For now. More later!

I've been kinda busy.

2009-11-20T21:11:00.000-08:00

Yes, so I haven't blogged in for-EH-ver. I also haven't done much of anything to blog about.

Oh, unless you count being acting principal at school about once a week.

And, well, I guess you could count chairing the Math committee at school.

Hm...you could probably also include having a student teacher. And mentoring a colleague. And coordinating a school-wide assessment. Oh, and that other committee that I've been on for three years now.

All while juggling two kids, one of whom takes Taekwondo lessons 3 times a week and starts basketball next month. The other of whom...ok, well, she's pretty much perfect and aside from one hell of a stubborn streak, is an angel. So I guess I can't use HER as an excuse.

Anyway, I've been busy. And the USB port on this computer is still broken and Scott is hogging the laptop so I can't even post pictures of me 77 pounds lighter.
(Edited - here's one, at least.)

We did a "Biggest Loser" competition at school and I came in second place - I lost 11 pounds in a month and a half. The winner lost 26. I asked if we could count what I had lost prior to starting the competition. They said no. Can't say I didn't try. :-)

Scott has been really busy too. He even got yelled at for working all the overtime he has had to work to complete the two projects he's working on. He finally took vacation time - he has 11 days off. It worked out really well since Emma got swine flu this week and he was able to stay home with her the last two days. I'm not sure if it was really swine, because while she did have all the symptoms, she didn't cough much and she got over it really fast. Must have been a really mild case - or I just make kids with amazing immune systems (we haven't had to take Alex to the doc for an illness in two years, either). I got sick this week too, but I think it's more a sinus thing than swine flu. I wasn't sick enough to miss work, that's for sure. Or, wait, let me rephrase that - I didn't LOOK sick enough that people at work would tell me I needed to go home. I felt like crap the last two days, but apparently didn't look bad enough for germophobes to harrass. :-)

Did I mention I'm not a germophobe? I only mention it now because it's a fun segue into my next story.

Emma is anal-retentive. And detail-oriented. And focused. It's like all of the genes that make me a balance of "whatever" and "perfectionist" were divided evenly between my two children. Alex couldn't care less if his room was clean and when it comes to trying to get him to clean it, we have to sit in there and direct every. single. move. he makes. The focus is not there.

Then there's Emma. Who walked around the restaurant this evening after we were done with dinner and proceeded to pick up every single piece of trash off the floor. And every single piece of spaghetti that dropped on her booster seat. And every single piece of food that might have fallen on her shirt (but I swear, not many did, she's a very prissy eater. Who would rather eat with a fork than her hands.). And no, I did not discourage it. It was so cute to watch her toddle around the table, back and forth, offering my dad a piece of spaghetti here, a straw wrapper there, saying, "ga" when she handed them over (because they belong in the garbage, obviously).

In other news, our cats are much happier. They finally have free rein of the house again. Max didn't work out. Which is really sad, because he was a good dog, but it wasn't fair to him to leave him in the kennel for ten hours a day when he did NOT like it, and we couldn't leave him in the house because he destroyed things. Like our bedroom door. Which he tore a foot-wide hole in. I ended up taking him back to the shelter, where they promptly featured him as the pet of the week (and mentioned his separation anxiety) and he found a good home. It will be a long time before we get another dog, and it will be a smaller, FEMALE dog - they're easier to train, for one thing. I was working with Max every single day on obedience and trying to get rid of his problem behaviors, and it wasn't working. I'm thinking someday we'll get something Border Collie-sized, and maybe a puppy. But again, it will be a long time, because we don't have the time for training right now. For now, the cats are loving this, especially since they had to spend all day out in the garage so Max didn't try to eat them.

Anyway, as soon as Scott stops hogging the laptop I'll probably post some pics of me and the kids. Maybe. I make no promises. I'm busy. :-)

More pics

2009-10-04T09:31:00.000-07:00

My grandma was in town this week and we were inspired to take more pictures. Here are a couple of the best.
Four Generations

We don't get family photos often.

Another very typical Alex photo - always about to take off somewhere.

Emma looking adorable as always.

Another goal

2009-09-21T22:10:00.001-07:00

Tonight I ran a mile and a half without stopping, in 17 minutes. Sure, not a huge accomplishment, but it's been a loooooong time since I've had the stamina to do that, so I'm proud of myself. :-) My legs feel like jello now, but still. I remember back in high school when I managed the mile and a half run in 12 minutes - maybe I'll shoot for that. I'm still thinking about doing the Sound to Narrows next year...

Five

2009-09-19T20:57:00.000-07:00

Dear Alex,
Two days ago you turned five years old. But I don't think I needed to tell YOU (or anyone else, for that matter) because you have been telling people you are 5 since you were four and a half. Apparently 4 wasn't cool, and you only wanted to be 5. Your uncontained excitement about this birthday has been perplexing but fun - you really couldn't wait to be five. I think in the last two days you have said, "I'm 5, I'm a big boy" about eleventy-bajillion times. Seriously.

For your birthday this year I was not about to buy you more toys, especially since most of the toys you have received over the past 5 years have ended up discarded, broken or thrown in a bag in the garage when you wouldn't clean your room (and them promptly forgotten until you got a chance to explore the garage, at which point you "really missed ________" and HAD to have it back right NOW). So we went with ACTIVE presents - elbow, wrist and knee pads from us for the scooter from Daddy's parents; a basketball from my parents; a punching bag. We gave you a boxing lesson today and you were getting pretty good. Then you found your new love in the scooter and were begging to go out and ride it in the dark. Patience is something with which you have NOT been gifted in great quantities. :-)

You are SO excited about basketball. We are finally going to start your first official team sport in December (the 6 weeks you took soccer lessons a couple of years ago don't count). I can't wait to see how you do - I'm excited to see how you work with others and learn teamwork skills. Everyone keeps telling me you should be great at basketball, and even if you aren't, that your height will make sure people pay attention to you. I don't really care how GOOD you are, I just want you to learn important teamwork skills and learn to keep trying even when it gets tough.

I just want you to know, kiddo, that you have taught me so much over the past five years. Good and bad, there are things that I've learned from you that I will never forget. Here's a list of some of them.

1. Your body is on an automatic timer. No matter what time you go to bed, you get up at 6 a.m. I've learned that I am NOT a morning person. Which is odd, because I thought I was. Thanks for that, little man. Thanks a LOT.
2. If there was ever something that kept an adult brain firing constantly, it's having a very active, intelligent kid in the house. I don't think a day goes by that I don't have to shake my head and wonder - how in the hell...? Or, what the hell am I going to do about this? Or, why won't he REMEMBER to flush the stupid toilet?? I was once told that teachers answer somewhere around 12,000 questions in a day (or something). I think, after parenting you for five years, I've ASKED that many questions a day. You keep me guessing, kid.
3. You have taught me to appreciate your unerring capability for forgiveness. No matter how many times I may yell or get frustrated or tell you to go to your room, you still hug me and tell me I'm the best mom ever at the end of the day. I don't AGREE with you (you weren't lucky enough to have Grandma Michelle for a mom, like I was) but I appreciate that you still think that even when I don't deserve it.
4. I love that so many people tell me what a good kid you are. You remember to use your manners, you listen when we ask you to do something, you're respectful of your friends and helpful to everyone. When we ask you to do a job for us, you hop to and get it done quickly. (With the exception of cleaning your room - it really feels like yanking out impacted wisdom teeth with no anesthesia when we try to make you do THAT little chore. Oh, and you can't get a stitch of clothing into your laundry basket - your floor is always littered with clothes. But other than that, and so forth.) You've taught me to appreciate your helpful side - I don't celebrate that often enough.
5. You've taught me to be a better teacher. In parenting you, I have learned many lessons about patience (I still don't have much, but I have more because of you). I've learned about perseverance and how important it is ("Perseverance means never give up, Mom!"). I've learned that every time I think I might get a chance to sit on my laurels as a parent because "That strategy WORKED!" - the game completely changes and I have to come up with something else. But because I have had that experience with you and your complex little brain with its quirks and challenges, I now know how to approach my most difficult students with patience, love and care, and to see deeper - beneath their surface situations and backgrounds. I'm not the same teacher I was before you came along. Thank you for that.
6. I've learned that sometimes I really do suck as a mom. Actually being a parent has made me realize that it is truly one of the hardest jobs in the universe. And sometimes, we all suck at it. One day you will realize how much we suck (it usually happens around the time you turn 12 or 13) and you will stop telling me I'm the best mom ever. But the fact that you do it now melts my heart and makes me realize I need to appreciate you and your amazing, quirky little self the way you are RIGHT NOW. I only have a few more years before you start telling me, through word or action, just how much I really do suck - so I need to really work on NOT sucking. I'm sorry I suck as a mom sometimes.
7. I love you. So very much. You are an amazing little man, so intelligent, insightful, expressive and lovable. All you want is to be loved, and every action you take is further proof of that. You grow through nurturing and positives, and seeing your face light up when you do something well puts me on top of the world. I can't wait to see what amazing contributions your sweet personality will give to the world. I've learned to appreciate the little things - the smile you give me when you're sitting like a black belt at TaeKwonDo; the way you rush to take the garbage out when I ask; the way you get so proud of yourself when you ride your bike in a full circle without falling off. How you get so excited when it's story time in the evening. And yes, even though I can't stand it, I still love to see your adorable face when you tell me for the third time since you went to bed, "I have to go potty."

I still can't believe I created you. I remember you being in there, and you look a lot like me, but the little person you have become is so different from anything I could have imagined. I think that's the biggest lesson I have learned since you came along - expect the unexpected. Because you're great at throwing curveballs.

I love you, little man. Happy birthday.
Mom

School starts Wednesday!

2009-09-06T20:34:00.000-07:00

And I cannot WAIT to go back. This has been a reeeeaaally long summer for me. Partially because I've been an exclusive SAHM all summer, partially because I've been dying to get back into my routine to help along my weight loss, and partially because I'm dying for more adult interaction and stimulation.

Alex has finally cracked through the ceiling on his letters. He now knows 7 letters and their sounds - A, B, F, M, O, S, and X. He has a pocket chart in his bedroom that I put an alphabet border into, and we review the letters he knows before story time, and introduce and review one new one every couple of days. Once he knows the whole alphabet we'll start on numbers. He still gets numbers and letters mixed up (he'll say, while pointing to a group of letters, "those are numbers," and vice versa). I'm definitely happy about this - he should know the names and sounds of all of the letters and be able to count to 100 by the end of Kindergarten, and suddenly, at this rate he might be able to do both before he STARTS Kindergarten, so we're in a good place. I'm still waiting to see, but I guess he just hit a developmental milestone and it suddenly clicked. Was my worrying for naught? We'll see.

Emma is just darling. She has turned into this adorable, charming, wide-eyed little princess and she is so sweet and lovable. At her core. On the outside at the moment she's getting on EVERYONE'S nerves. She is constantly whining, screaming about something or another, and we're all getting tired of it. She started daycare last Tuesday and they said she was crying during transition times, which is not surprising, since she cries anytime I walk away from her or try to change what she is doing. Her mommy connection has gotten really annoying at times when Scott just wants to hold her for a second and all she wants to do is put her arms out for me while saying, "Mom! Mom! Mom!" I love that she wants me and that I'm so important to her, but I want her to be just as connected to Daddy too, and that bugs me. So, whining and clinging. It's just a phase...it's just a phase...it's just a phase...

Max has turned out to be a wonderful dog. He's so good, and aside from some random barking that he doesn't do when I'm around, and the occasional chewing of Alex's toys that were left outside (Alex says, "I know it's my fault, I left them out.") he has been great. I just trimmed his toenails tonight all by myself, and anyone who has ever had a big dog knows that's not easy unless your dog is very easy-tempered. He's very gentle with the kids, they love him, and he's a great security system. He had a lot of fun at MarDon this summer, playing with the other dogs in the lake.

That's about it for now. I'm still down 60 pounds, hopefully that will change once school starts and I hit my stride again. Now I get to go see if my dressier work pants still fit me or if I need to make another shopping trip. :-)

Dawn asked for it...

2009-09-03T21:48:00.000-07:00

So I had Scott take a few pics of me in my wedding dress since some people were curious. Don't mind the wrinkles, it's been sitting in a box for 6 years.

I think it would definitely need some alteration - and I really think I could have done without the sleeves. But it sure is pretty! :-)

People of Walmart

2009-08-29T21:30:00.000-07:00

Since the Walmart in Lakewood opened a few years back, I have seen my share of interesting things...people...mullets... And now, LOOK! There's a blog about it! What a giggle I've just had...
People of Walmart

Holy crap!

2009-08-26T11:14:00.000-07:00

On a whim I decided to whip out my wedding dress today since I weigh about the same as I did when I got married six years ago. I figured that I would probably be able to get it on but that it wouldn't fit the same way or something.

Lo and behold - it FITS - and is BIG on me! AND...Emma got to see it for the first time. She loved it - played with the beads and touched the satin. She didn't seem too impressed when I told her it would be hers someday, but I figure that will be a better conversation for later. :-)

Woohoo - I fit back into my wedding dress!

9 minutes

2009-08-20T23:27:00.000-07:00

I had to friggin' brag - I just ran a 9 minute mile. After a very brisk 45 minutes of walking. And while it's certainly not record breaking or anything, it's a big deal for ME. Because I was in high school the last time I ran a mile, much less ran it in less than 12 minutes.

Woohoo! Go me!

Oh, and I've been using a pedometer to track my steps, hoping to reach a goal of 10,000 steps a day, which I've done every day since I started tracking. Today, with my 9-minute mile, I hit 14,972 steps, which apparently totals to about 7 miles for the whole day. I like this pedometer thing, it makes me feel like I've accomplished something.

We'll hit that goal weight yet! :-)

Oh, and the Sound to Narrows 12k run/walk takes place in Pt. Defiance Park next June. I think that's a good goal, don't you?

Taco-fu and marshmallows, too

2009-08-18T21:52:00.000-07:00

So in an effort to get more lean protein in my diet I've totally jumped on the tofu bandwagon, and wow, do I love that stuff. Could eat it all day. Last week Scott wanted tacos for dinner but I didn't want all the calories and fat from ground beef, so I made my own version - taco-fu. It was actually good, assuming you like tofu.

Taco-fu Recipe:
Extra firm tofu
Cooking oil (the lighter the better - you can actually just cook the tofu in the taco seasoning, but I wanted to try the texture of the fried tofu tonight.)
Taco seasoning mix
Tortillas/chips
Fixin's (tomatoes, olives, cheese, lettuce, etc.)

Cut tofu into one-inch (or smaller) cubes. Fill a pan with enough oil to half-cover the tofu cubes, then lightly fry to a light golden color. Pour out the oil. Mix the taco seasoning and put the tofu cubes in - simmer for 5 minutes. Place tofu cubes in tortillas or crumble onto chips, then cover with the fixin's. Enjoy! (If you like tofu. If not, be like everyone else in my family and turn your nose up at it. The dog won't even eat it.)

One other thing I've actually made lately is my friend Breezi's wedding cake. I found a recipe for fondant (the icing-like stuff that smoothly covers a cake - you usually find it on wedding cakes). This stuff is to DIE for and it's SO much fun to make.

Marshmallow Fondant
1 two-pound bag of powdered sugar (C&H works best, but you should sift any brand you use)
2 tbsp water
1 one-pound bag of mini marshmallows
1 cup Crisco shortening (the white kind - the yellow butter-flavor kind makes the color off-white)

Dump the marshmallows and water into a large bowl and microwave in 30 second intervals until melted - stir between each interval. When completely melted, pour 3/4ths of the sugar on top and cover the whole top of the marshmallows (this is so that you have a powdery coating when you dump it onto your kneading surface). Coat your kneading surface with a LOT of Crisco so the marshmallow doesn't stick, then dump the marshmallow/sugar mixture onto the surface. (I use a "Fondant Fun" mat by Wilton, but any flat surface will do.)

This is the messy (and fun!) part. Dig your hands into the Crisco and coat them with it - front, sides, backs, in between fingers, everywhere. Wrists too - this stuff sticks to everything. Squish the stuff over and over between your fingers until you get all the sugar squished in with the marshmallow. Once you have something you can actually manipulate (as opposed to squish) then sprinkle a LOT of powdered sugar on the greased surface and begin kneading it like bread dough. You have to keep lifting it off of the surface and adding powdered sugar or it will stick. Keep kneading until you have a ball that, when rolled out, doesn't tear easily and is smooth. (Sometimes you'll need to add a drop or two of water if you have powdered sugar balls stuck in the fondant - just keep kneading. And don't add too much water - a drop or two should be enough.)

If you aren't ready to put the fondant on the cake right away, coat the ball of fondant with Crisco and wrap it in plastic wrap, then put it in a zip bag. It will stay fresh in the fridge for at least a few weeks. If your cake is cooled and ready, frost it with about a quarter to an eighth of an inch of frosting (I usually use white since it won't change the color of the fondant) so the fondant will stick to the cake. Roll out the fondant to about an eighth of an inch thick. Measure two sides and the top of your cake and add those together, which will tell you how wide to roll the fondant. (Example: an 8 inch wide by 2 inch high cake would be 8 + 2 + 2 or 12 inches wide.) Then place the rolling pin on top of the fondant and pull the fondant on top of it, rolling it as you go along the measured amount. Make sure the side you want ON THE CAKE is the side on which you place the rolling pin. Place the fondant over the cake (can I say "roll" once more? I think I can!) and roll it out so it completely covers the cake.

At this point, use your hands to gently push, pull and prod the fondant into the shape of the cake, using a pizza cutter to remove the excess. Store the excess in your plastic wrap/zip bag combo, and voila! You have a cake that is to DIE for - trust me, this fondant is amazing, and it will NOT be left on the side of the plate like some other fondants.

Here's Breezi's cake:

The blog post that wasn't.

2009-08-17T21:37:00.000-07:00

So, we had a great camping weekend at MarDon resort in Eastern Washington - almost 4 whole days away from kids and responsibilities. And this year I did NOT come away pregnant. 2 years ago, not so much, but this year I refused to let MarDon work it's charms on me. Of course when I got there, all of our friends had to make comments alluding to the fact that Emma was a MarDon baby (I can't be sure, but the timing is pretty damned close). Anyway, I'm NOT pregnant.

But oh god...what if something is in the water?

Me!

2009-08-11T13:17:00.000-07:00

Here's a before pic. This was taken at the beginning of April, right after I decided to embark upon this journey of life-changing proportion. And yes, I actually attempted to find the worst pic I could. I figured it would make the difference more obvious, you know? :-)

And here's me, 60 pounds lighter:

I like that better. :-)

60

2009-08-11T06:38:00.000-07:00

FINALLY! So after a month of plateau, my good friend Dawn Facebooked me (who knew that could be a verb?) and said that after reading my blog, she wanted to let me know to eat more protein. And holy god, was she ever right. So I ate more protein. For 2 days. And dropped 5 pounds in those two days. After that it's been steadily downhill, and I've lost another 10 pounds in about a week. I'm thinking my body was just waiting to get a little more nourishment before it could let go of the pounds it was holding on to. The last couple of days it has slowed down considerably, so I'm thinking I just needed that jumpstart to get back on track.

In other news, I went to a bachelorette party on Saturday night. Wow, was that fun - not only the party itself (drunken debauchery - including a scavenger hunt that involved us being required to catcall at every guy we drove by on the street - is not something I get to partake in very often). But the most fun part was shopping for new clothes, getting dressed, putting on makeup, and LIKING the way I looked! No, let's be honest here - after probably 5+ years of not feeling at all attractive, I LOVED the way I looked. And after I finish baking my friend's wedding cake over the next couple of days, I'm going to be totally narcissistic and post an entry of nothing but pictures of ME. Because I've actually LIKED pictures of me lately! (You have no idea how excited I am about this.)

And in a last bit of news - about 5 minutes ago I read on BOTH Facebook and Myspace that my sister-in-law Alyssia (and of course her hubby, my buddy and bro-in-law Ryan) is pregnant. Now, unfortunately, she has pulled the "I'm pregnant!" crap with us several times - one time she even posted an ultrasound pic to HER blog that she STOLE from MY blog. So even though I saw her in a pic WITH the actual pee stick, I really don't think I can get all excited about this one. In fact, since they just left here for Japan a few weeks ago (which means she probably conceived this child while they were here, ew) and won't be back for TWO YEARS, I'm really just gonna sit back and wait until I see actual belly pics. OR a kid. You hear that Alyssia? You've ruined me. You have managed to make the one person who gets all excited about EVERYONE getting pregnant NOT excited for you. You happy now? You suck. And if it's a girl, you better at least have an M in it's name somewhere, for all the heartache you've caused me.

(I'm kidding, I'm kidding...I'm jumping up and down right now. Inside. Where no one can see it.)

Never thought I'd agree with a celebrity...

2009-08-06T08:03:00.001-07:00

Most of the crap I read coming out of celeb's mouths is usually just that - and I usually am pretty meh about it, knowing that most of it is taken out of context and twisted however the magazines or writers want it to sound.

But when Brad Pitt said this, I couldn't help but smile a little inside. I mean, the guy is one of the hottest things on earth, and he actually has something intelligent to say (which goes against the original opinion I had of him). And I agree with it 100%.

On when he’ll marry Angelina Jolie: “I have love in my life, a soul mate–absolutely. When someone asked me why Angie and I don’t get married, I replied, ‘Maybe we’ll get married when it’s legal for everyone else.’ I stand by that, although I took a lot of flak for saying it–hate mail from religious groups. I believe everyone should have the same rights. They say gay marriage ruins families and hurts kids. Well, I’ve had the privilege of seeing my gay friends being parents and watching their kids grow up in a loving environment.”

On the right to love: “It’s ridiculous that Prop 8 took away gay people’s right to marry! I have no understanding of that kind of hatred. Maybe it’s fear of difference or of the unknown. If you feel belittled, maybe you need someone else to belittle to feel powerful. It’s the only way I know how to explain it. You’ve got religion telling you what to think about homosexuality, about marriage. They say homosexuality is a choice, a lifestyle, something you can be cured of, and that isn’t true. But if you’re tucked away and have no friends who are gay, you’ll believe what the preachers say. Just think of it in terms of being in love–how would you feel if someone told you that you couldn’t be with the person you loved?”

On wanting the best for his children: “Would it bother me if a child of mine turns out to be gay? No, not one bit. Listen, I want my kids to live the lives they want to live. I want them to be fulfilled. I hope I teach my kids to be who they really are.”

Go Brad!

6 years

2009-08-05T13:05:00.000-07:00

Our anniversary was on Sunday, and it made me realize that while I spend a lot of time talking about the kids on this bloggy thing, I don't give Scott anywhere near the credit he deserves. So this one's for him. And to avoid being TOO sappy, I'll make it a bulleted list. (But I doubt that will save it.)

1. Internet, Scott is a genius. In his infinite geni-osity (look, I made a new word!), he won't ever let you say that without a firm denial, but truly, the guy rocks in the brain department. I mean, when you look up "geek" in the dictionary, his picture is there. He's a programmer, for crying out loud - and half the stuff that comes out of his mouth when he tells me about work I can only smile and nod about. But he's very humble about it. And one of the most amazing qualities he has is that he will share what he knows in a very non-condescending, calm manner that makes you feel so comfortable with being a dimbulb. The #1 reason I married him was his brain.

2. Scott is also cuddly. I know, he won't even kiss the kids in public, but when we're at home all he wants to do is be close to me and snuggle. He gets sad if we're watching TV and I'm on the floor working out - he'd rather I snuggle with him on the couch. He'll hit the snooze in the morning and spend an extra 15 minutes in bed just so we can cuddle. PDA isn't his thing - but he is constantly displaying affection in private. The #2 reason I married him was his snuggledy-ness (look, another new word!).

3. Oh my gawd, can this man wield a hammer. I don't know how I got so lucky to find a man with handyman mad skillz, but the guy just installed an entire FLOOR without any help. He can use power tools with the skill of a master. There's something about Scott using a table saw that just does it for me. The #3 reason I married him - he's an awesome handyman. We're putting in french doors next.

4. The next thing that I love about him is also what infuriates me the most at times. The guy can't lose an argument. He's got such a rational, logical perspective and dammit, the guy is NEVER WRONG. I think there might have been one time in our 8 years together that I totally disagreed with what he said and he couldn't bring me around to his point of view. Because that's what he excels at - providing a rational, thought-out point of view that just makes so much goddamn SENSE. Even if I disagree with it, it still makes sense and I have to concede to it. Do you know what this does to someone who HATES being wrong? Yeah, really. Reason #4 that I married him - he keeps me grounded. And proves I'm wrong once in awhile.

5. I'm hypercritical. I know this. EVERYONE knows this. It's why most people don't like me. (Well, that and I'm antisocial at times, but I'm more critical than antisocial.) But for some odd reason, Scott not only gets this about me, but he LIVES WITH IT each and every single day. And he only gets outwardly pissed about it once in a blue moon. And then I feel REALLY bad about it, because he gives me some logical, reasoned argument about how I shouldn't react this way or whatever. Reason #5: The guy puts up with me. He's a saint.

6. He buys me flowers. 'Nuff said.

Those are just some of the reasons I decided to spend my life with this man. I could list so many more (including the fact that he changes diapers!) but I think he'll already be creeped out by the fact that I've posted this much about him.

I just hope that someday Emma is lucky enough to marry someone as wonderful as her daddy.

I love you, Scott. To an amazing 6 years of marriage - may I be lucky enough to have a lifetime more.

And a one and a two...

2009-08-01T22:33:00.000-07:00

I don't think I'll be able to move tomorrow. I've been working out with my little handweights (3 lbs apiece) while I walk, but for the past month I haven't lost any weight at all, despite maintaining my exercise routine every single day and sticking to 1500 calories religiously. Nothing like a plateau to keep you motivated to lose weight! So I've been working different muscle groups lately. I borrowed a couple of workout videos from my friend Sara (love her!) and I've done those a couple of times, which helped to give me a better workout regimen. Now I don't SIT and watch TV - I WORK and watch TV.

I started with Yoga Booty Ballet, which was surprisingly easy considering my flexibility wasn't where it was when I was 18. The hardest part of the whole 40 minute workout was the actual yoga - man, I was NOT ready for the down dog. The second time I did it was better, but I'm still working on my upper body strength so I can hold myself up in those positions. I also realized that my back flexibility was crap, probably due to the back issues I've had. The ballet part of the video was easy - I figured out where Alex gets his flexibility from, now that I've got mine back. I can almost get my chin to the floor in the straddle stretch. :-)

I also tried Zumba, which is really fun, although Sara only had the advanced workout and I do it after Yoga Booty, so I've only made it through 20 minutes at the most. It's based on Latin dance and I do a lot of hip shaking, which also helps with lower back strength and flexibility. I can't do too much because it's high impact, but I do what I can as long as it doesn't hurt.

So anyway, I've been taking my cues from those two workouts. I've been continuing my walking each day for an hour around 3.5 mph, but I've cut out the running. Too much impact, knees weren't liking it. And even on days when I don't have time to do a full workout video, I'll spend the evening when Scott and I usually watch TV by working my arms with my new 6 lb weights (did that for 30 minutes straight tonight - again, if I can lift my arms tomorrow I'll be surprised) and by doing ab work on the floor. Sara also gave me a 2 lb workout ball that I use to work my thighs and abs, and to avoid stressing my low back while I'm doing crunches and stuff I roll up a towel and put it under my "yoga mat" (which is really just a rubber backed bathmat - more cushy!).

I've also discovered tofu, which, really - LOVE. I like it baked - I think it's Azumaya who makes savory baked tofu, which is 130 calories and a quarter of your vegetable protein for the day.

So yay for working out, and yay me for keeping it up. Hopefully the weightloss will keep on track now that I've changed up my routine. Wish me luck!

Mrs. Right (all the time)

2009-07-27T00:56:00.000-07:00

You'd think that with me being a teacher, I would be full of wonderful educational ideas to impose on my adoring children during my summer break - yeah, I'd really rather run my foot through a meat grinder.

Don't get me wrong, I love watching them learn. Reading books and discussing new vocabulary with Alex? Definitely. Giving Emma new containers and banging implements and watching her create her own little percussion section? Absolutely. Forcing Alex to sit down (FOR FIVE MINUTES, MY GOD KID, JUST SIT STILL)? Not so much. He has decided that he WILL NOT be taught by me unless it involves a situation wherein he is bound by necessity to sit still (IN THE CAR! This works IN THE CAR!) and ONLY involves verbal discourse. An example of the times it works:

Me: Alex, do you know what 'persevere' means? It means, 'don't give up.' What does persevere mean?
A: Don't give up.
Me: Good! Now if it's really hard to get your homework done, but you keep working and trying and finally get it done, what did you do?
A: Persevered.
Me: Great! If you worked really hard to get your room clean and didn't give up, what did you do?
A: Persevered.
Me: And what does persevere mean?
A: Don't give up.

Now this may sound like a pretty big word for a 4 year old, but the thing is, this 4 year old has a pretty big brain. Which is why the fact that he won't let me drill and practice with him is so annoying. So I have to let my car be my classroom. Teaching him on the run. We look out the windows, we talk about what we see. We have vocabulary discussions and he actually uses the words we talk about in conversation later. I don't bother with words shorter 8 letters, on average, because he already has a big vocabulary. He's 4 and he uses words like persevere, for god's sake. BUT HE CAN'T TELL ME WHAT THE LETTER "L" LOOKS LIKE.

Part of my problem with teaching Alex is my competition gene - I hear parents of 3 year olds saying, "She knows all her letters!" And I shrivel inside. Because Alex still calls letters numbers and numbers letters. Now, my rational brain KNOWS that kids don't even need to know the names and sounds of letters until the END of kindergarten, and he has another whole year before he'll even START kindergarten. Plus he's a boy, plus he's verbally advanced not only for a boy, but also for his age (his verbal skills have always been ahead of the curve, even ahead of girls his age when girls develop verbally sooner). Crazy as it is, this isn't enough for me - I've got to drive myself crazy with the fact that he doesn't know his letters yet! And I know, I know, "Kids all develop at their own pace, don't push, he'll get there on his own..." blah blah, I KNOW THIS. The thing is, the kid DOESN'T ALLOW ME TO PUSH.

There is nothing more annoying than being thwarted by a 4 year old.

I know that pushing him accomplishes nothing - he's too much like me, the stubborn little snot. If I sit at the table to have him do a workbook page, he'll finish a third of it and start whining to go outside. (Yeah, that whole perseverance concept apparently was lost on him.) And if I try to get him to finish, he shuts down, whines, gets angry - even when I let him stand up to work (a classic tactic, especially for young kids and ADHD learners). And some parents out there are like, "I would MAKE the kid finish! What are you teaching him by letting him leave it unfinished?" Well, in this case, I'm teaching him a hatred for seatwork. Which is really what his future teachers are going to LOVE me for, am I right?

And the only reason I'm sitting here ranting about it is because I KNOW I have to actually let this go, because he's too smart to NOT figure it out on his own - but that means I'm not in control. And we all know how much Marci LOVES being out of control!

And don't even get me started on Emma, who won't even let me finish 2 pages of a book before she pulls it out of my hands. I have to read to her while she's bouncing around her room, hoping the love of reading will soak in by osmosis or something. Don't get me wrong, she LOVES books - but again, that stubborn independent streak - she will sit for 10 minutes flipping through books on her own, looking at the pictures, talking to the characters - but the minute I try to read a book aloud, she's got to get it out of my hands so she can look at the pictures.

I remember being pregnant with Alex and thinking, "Oh, how much fun we'll have, sitting at the kitchen table, tracing letters, doing flashcards, coloring the right number of bananas..." It's amazing how actual parenthood completely dispels your illusions of what parenthood SHOULD be. And truthfully, part of me is just feeling guilty that I can't do with my kids what my mom did with me and my brother - teach us herself and have us both reading before kindergarten. Granted, I wouldn't want to be a SAHM like she was - I'd go batshit in a month. Summer vacation drives me nuts, expecially now with two kids - I feel like I'm constantly surrounded by needs that need to be met, and my own needs (mostly for alone time and adult interaction/communication) are NOT being met. I'm truly a bitch in the summer, and it's not just the heat (but my GOD, how I hate the heat).

Anyway, it really just boils down to these things:
1. I'm a control freak.
2. I want my kids to be ahead of the curve so I look good as a parent. (Wow, it's hard to actually admit that. And I know not only is that wrong, it's also an indicator that I need therapy.)
3. I have to let go and let my kids be their own wonderful selves and learn at their own pace.
4. Where do I draw the line between letting them be themselves and letting them get away with stuff? Where is that dividing line that says, "Right here is where you have put in the right amount of effort, but this is too much?" When do I stop letting Alex get up from the table and MAKE him finish that workbook page? When do I MAKE Emma sit and read a book with me?
5. I can't MAKE my kids do anything, not without threats - and I try hard not to be a dictator. We try really hard to parent without threats - it's about choices, their own choices, and the consequences that result from those choices. But how, as a parent, do you know which choices are the right ones for YOU to make?

This is the ultimate dilemma and catch 22 of parenting. I don't want to make the same mistakes my parents made, but in the process of trying to avoid those mistakes, I'm going to make others that will screw with my kids' heads. And knowing that, I'll STILL make them. Because there is no black and white with parenting. There is no definitive manual, despite what all those publishing companies would have you believe. There is no real right or wrong, because what is right for you not only is wrong for someone else, but they will very publicly judge and berate you for it. Choose to let your baby cry it out when they won't go to sleep without screaming? You're a horrible person who doesn't care about your child and her need for comfort. Choose to go to work instead of staying home? You're selfish. Choose to formula feed instead of breastfeeding? You're lazy.

And people still want to become parents? It's really a good thing I didn't learn all this until AFTER I started having kids. Or maybe I did know this stuff then - but I chose to ignore it and live in my unicorns and rainbows fantasy (in which my kids actually sit at the table and color with me).

The truth is, one thing that parenting has taught me is that I'm always wrong. And for someone who has based her own self-worth on being right most of the time, that gets downright depressing. My god, how I love those adorable little creatures, but my god, do they constantly have to make me question every single thing I do, say or think?

Yeah. That is THEIR job.

At least they're doing it well. Maybe I can take credit for that.

I could be wrong.

Ummm...beach? Dog? Baby?

2009-07-22T14:07:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I really don't have anything to write about. Truthfully, nothing interesting is happening in our lives right now (some would argue nothing ever does ;-)).

We went to Ocean Shores for a couple of days - my mom, me and the kids. It was overcast and because of my mom's limitations (she can't see because of her eyelid spasms and because of her Parkinson's and heart conditions she gets very fatigued easily) as well as having my two little ones, we really didn't do much. We shopped in one souvenir shop, went to the beach once, went to the pool twice. I was reminded that Alex has not taken swimming lessons, so I'm looking at starting that soon. Emma is a little fish - she kicked and floated better than her brother did.

My mom put it rather well when she said that it was like me going to the beach by myself with three kids, since she needs as much help as they do. It was relaxing, if you ignore the fact that Alex has become a teenager in a 4 year old's body. Good lord - the attitude, the whining, the entitlement! Not to mention the fact that we have not ONCE given in to him when he whines repeatedly, yet he STILL DOES IT. You would think after 5 years of consistency the kid would TAKE A HINT. He even - I kid you not - whined, "You never let me do what I want!" on this trip. I've decided that since I told myself if my teenagers said that (or any other version of such - "I hate you!" or "I don't get to do ANYTHING everyone else does!" included), that I would congratulate myself on doing my job. Because really, isn't it our job to set boundaries? Or at least I'll tell myself that. And I'll tell myself that the early onset of this behavior bodes well for his teenage years. Because he'll get it all out of his system now, right? Right? Come on now, agree with me - then I won't go batshit crazy.

I'm still working on the weightloss thing. I've found it's a lot harder to lose weight in the summer for me. It's mainly because of the lack of routine - every day is different so the routine I had set up before school got out has yet to fall into a rhythm while I'm at home. I'm exercising every single day for at least an hour - walking, running, workout videos, weights, etc. I don't remember the last day I didn't exercise. I haven't gained anything and the swimsuit I bought last summer is falling off of me (which kinda pisses me off - I spent 100 bucks on that thing). Oh, and the only shorts I own that DON'T fall off are the ones I can now pull on without unbuttoning them, which means that another 5 or 10 pounds and I won't be able to wear them either. I'm really looking forward to the day I reach my goal weight - I've found I can maintain my weight by exercising and eating 1800-2000 calories a day, and right now I have to stick with 1500 to lose. Which is okay when I have other things to distract me until dinner, but this sitting around the house for 2 hours while the kids nap kills me (especially when it's too hot to get into the garage to treadmill). So I blog. :-)

I'm looking forward to So You Think You Can Dance tonight - it's the 99th episode, and Ellen Degeneres will be a guest judge (she's one of my favorite personalities - her dry wit kills me). And I've been sucked in - I actually called to vote for my favorite dancer last week. After 5 seasons and 2 tour shows, I finally picked up the phone. I'd like to think that my votes helped Melissa - she got stuck in the bottom two but made it through. :-) She won't win (I'm thinking Kayla or Brandon will) but I've gotta stick with my favorite naughty ballerina.

Aaaand...yeah, that's about it. I'm sure I could sit here and type random boring crap for another hour but there really isn't anything to blog about. I should probably go unpack anyway. Oh, Max is doing great. I love having a dog in the house again. The cats don't - they've taken up residence in the garage for a bit, but they'll all get used to each other eventually.

That's it for now...

Yum.

2009-07-16T15:58:00.001-07:00

Just thought I'd share.

(That's Ryan Reynolds, in case you were wondering. You really should see The Proposal. Not his best - they didn't let him use his razor wit like they should have - but ohmigod the abs. The ABS.)

*swoon*

50

2009-07-10T21:00:00.001-07:00

Yup, you read that right - five-oh. As in, pounds lost as of this morning.

Just had to brag. :-)

I love this.

2009-06-22T19:31:00.000-07:00

I played another game of "Shopping in My Closet" this evening. It feels so good when I do that, especially when I try on clothes I NEVER WORE and they not only fit, but LOOK GOOD. :-D

I have this habit of buying two of everything, because if I don't, I always regret it when I go back later and they don't have the shirt or pants I loved. Only problem is (and you think I'd learn by now) that I often don't try on the second item I buy, I just buy the same style and size and think it will fit. Not so. My closet is home to several orphaned shirts and pants that I bought as companions to my LOVE IT clothes, and when I get home I find that they are cut differently, hang differently or just in general look weird. Any normal person would return them, right? Nope, not me - I put it in my closet and think...maybe someday I'll be able to wear it.

Dude, my someday is SO HERE. :-)

Some pictures

2009-06-21T21:42:00.000-07:00

Because our stupid USB port on the computer is being...well, stupid, I can't immediately download pics from our camera to our computer, so it may be a bit before I can get pics of Max. Until then, enjoy some adorableness from the human kiddos. :-)

Looking into the light...

Emma is actually signing "nap" here. She regularly signs, but now tells us that it's time for nap too. Which means she recognizes not only the signs that her body is tired, but that a nap is what she needs to help with that. I'm taking that to mean I have a very smart one year old. :-)

Like the matching Adidas outfits? Costco. Cheap. :-)

Running boy. Capturing the essence of Alex.

Boy in tree. He loves this tree in grandma's backyard.

Emma standing alone. She actually almost fell down, caught herself, then stood back up.

Oh, and she took her first steps today! I guess she was inspired by her cousin Matsen at his birthday party yesterday. Yay Emma!

How have I gone so long without a dog?

2009-06-21T20:48:00.000-07:00

Max has already established himself as a member of our family. We've gone on several walks the last 2 days and he visited Lucky and Lucy for a playdate all day today. He was so good - I could go on and on about the virtues of this guy. He has really bonded with me already - anytime he's a little unsure of something he comes over to me and snuggles up or leans against me (which he's doing right now, under the desk, because there is some banging going on outside). He's the perfect mixture of timid and protective - if he's not sure about something, he comes to me to hear that it'll be okay, but he alerts us when something is amiss, too. The cats are tolerant of him, I guess because he shows interest in them but not aggressive interest. They are both sitting on the bed beside me while he is under the desk, which hasn't happened anytime a dog has been in our house - they usually hide out. Ash does, at least; Lilli is more tolerant of dogs in general (she and Lacey were buds and would routinely snuggle on the bed). See below:

This is Lacey hangin' out with Lilli on my bed in Pullman, waaaay back before I even met Scott. Wasn't she pretty?

Anyway, as I was saying, the cats are tolerant of Max, he's tolerant and calm with them, and really, I just keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. He just seems too good to be true, too perfect for our family and our situation, and I'm not quite ready to accept that it's all going to work out with him. I really WANT to believe it...but I don't want to jinx it either. :-) He just seems like a wonderful mix of the two dogs I've lost - Lolli, the perfect dog, easily trained, never made messes, protective in perfect measure and snuggly and loveable (picture below) and Lacey, the beautiful skinny princess who piddled when nervous but made up for it with her loyalty and devotion. And Max looks like Lacey and acts like Lolli.

I am SO a dog person. I always have been - I was just waiting for the right one to show up. I really hope Max is it.

Rest in Peace, Lolli and Lacey. We miss you both.

Max is home!

2009-06-20T14:11:00.000-07:00

I picked him up at 10:30 this morning, when he voluntarily hopped into the kennel in the back of the Pilot and didn't make a peep the whole way home. Since he's been home he has played gently with the rope toy with Alex, stood protectively by Emma, softly woofed and pointed at something that alerted him, and waited patiently by the back door to be invited into the kitchen. He has also had a meet-and-greet with Lucky and Lucy, my parents' two dogs, and all went very well. He also walks really well on-leash.

This dog is amazing, folks. I'm so excited! Pictures soon...

Updates

2009-06-19T17:55:00.000-07:00

Dude, I've lost 40 pounds. I just had to share. ;-)

WE'RE GETTING A DOG!

2009-06-19T17:08:00.000-07:00

It's been more than three years since we've had a dog, which has been tough for me. When I lost Lacey to cancer two days before Christmas when Alex was really little, I had a hard time with it. And I knew, especially with kids, that it would be awhile before I got another dog.

But truthfully, I'm a dog person. Cats, not so much. Yes, I have two cats, but only because they act more like dogs than cats. Dogs are my thing. I spent several years working in vet clinics and pet stores, I did 4H dog obedience showing, I'm fascinated by pack behavior and I'm a pretty good judge of dog character. All 4 dogs that our family has had over the past 20 years have been picked by me, and all 4 of them have been amazing, loving, friendly, smart companions. Each had their own quirks, of course (Lacey's submissive piddling was the worst) but when it came to dogs, we had the best.

And now we have Max. (We don't actually HAVE him yet - he's getting neutered as we speak, and we pick him up tomorrow.)

So the story on Max: I've been visiting the pound off and on at least since January, but I think it goes further back. In all honesty, I was searching for Lacey. She and I had a connection - she was my baby girl before I actually had a baby girl. She was sweet, loving, devoted, calm, never barked, never jumped, never chewed...and she was beautiful. She looked like a long-haired whippet, gorgeous white-blonde fur that sparkled in the sunlight. I can still feel her silky coat and her poky ribs and her soft ears when I think about her. She didn't run - she leaped like a gazelle, all grace and elegance, with her ears perked and a smile on her face. My favorite memory of her was watching her bounding through the hip-high grass in the fields behind our Pullman duplex. It was like watching freedom personified in grace.

(Can you tell I loved this dog?)

Losing her, and losing her so suddenly, really hurt. I still get tears in my eyes when I think about her. Our friend told me the other day that he says hello to her anytime he walks past the Spot of Shade, and I immediately started welling up. The Spot of Shade is a pet memorial on the Chambers Creek trail which has a plaque with her name, Lolli's name, and our family's names on it. It's a nice reminder of the effect she and Lolli (the dog I picked up as a stray when I was 11) had on our family.

Anyway, I kind of have high standards when it comes to dogs. And I knew I wasn't ready for a dog, unless it was the RIGHT dog. So I've been to the pound several times, never finding what I wanted. Too many of their charts had "Not good with kids" or their temperament was too active, or they barked too much, or if I did actually visit with a particular dog, I always got the wrong vibe - like it wasn't the right dog. And I've learned to trust my instincts on that, especially where my kids are involved. Then last week Scott actually said, "All right, you can go get your dog - as long as it eats cats." (He never liked Asher much.) I pretended to ignore the eating cats part and decided I was going to start looking a little harder, but that if we didn't find a dog before the end of June, we would wait another year (since I wanted the summer for training and such). And then I actually said those words aloud.

To my friend Heidi, at school: "If I don't find a dog before the end of June, we'll wait until next year." This was on Wednesday morning. Wednesday afternoon we saw Max.

The thing that gets me is he's blonde. The kind of blonde you don't see a lot in dogs - the kind of blonde Lacey was. White, golden blonde, with a white stripe from the bridge of his nose to the back of his head. He has these big, wide, golden-colored eyes and soft floppy ears. He's a 2 and a half year old lab mix, slim but strong, about 60 pounds. He's also very calm, laid back, sweet, doesn't lick (which Scott LOVES, but I'm a little sad about - Lacey gave nose kisses, just a little teeny slurp on the tip of your nose that kept you from getting all slobbery but still showed affection). Max is a little timid at the moment - he seems a little kennel shy, but he's amazing at walking on-leash and despite his strength he's very gentle and cuddly. I did my usual test to see if we could poke and prod him without complaint, and he let me pull his tail, poke between his toes, examine his teeth, clap my hands loudly behind his head, and give him a full-body hug with no complaint.

I've heard him bark three times, all three when he thought I was going to grab the leash and take him out of his kennel at the pound today, and when he realized that wasn't going to happen, he calmed down and shut up.

I can't wait to bring him home. And even though he's 2 years old, we're going to do this right, with kennel training, obedience classes, daily walks (I'm excited about that one!) and lots of playtime with his new master (Alex has been calling himself Max's master since my mom told him that he was the other day). And Max is definitely going to be Alex's dog. Not that I'm deluded enough to think that Alex will be taking care of him (because duh, he's 4), but he will be helping by feeding him every morning, walking him with me (yup - Alex can actually walk Max, he's THAT good on a leash), and poop-scooping. Oh trust me, the kids WILL be picking up poop. Plus, my mom has volunteered to take walks over to our house on days we're gone over 8 hours to let him out, and he's got two playmates over at my mom's house that we'll be having regular playdates with. I've even already checked out a doggie daycare that we might send him to every once in awhile.

I can't bring Lacey back, but I'm hoping that Max will prove to be just as wonderful a family dog as she was. I've got a good feeling about him. I'll update when he comes home!

Weightloss WIN!

2009-06-07T11:33:00.000-07:00

Dude, I so rock.

I know I said I was going to do a weightloss journal or some crap, but really, who has the time? I can't post more than once every couple of weeks, for crap's sake. Luckily, summer is coming soon, so I'll have more time to keep this bloggity thing updated.

Anyhoo, so I've been busy. Not like, making up stuff as an excuse to not post busy, but actually doing more STUFF busy. Because I've been exercising. Every single day, exercising. Getting to know the Chambers Creek Trail, exercising. ACTUALLY RUNNING (albeit slowly and only a little, I do have two herniated disks, here, people) exercising. I'm talking EVERY SINGLE DAY.

So what was it that facilitated all this exercising? Well, duh, people, I have two herniated disks, here. But besides that, well, here's what happened. I went to the neurosurgeon for the consult after my MRI at the end of March. He told me what was going on with my back and said that with my weight he wants to avoid surgery at all costs. And something about being only 30, and 20 years ahead of where I should be, blah blah blah I'm fat. So I asked him, "What should I do about diet and exercise?"

His response? "At this point your only option is probably surgical."

And this is a doctor, people.

So I decided to check out the surgery option. I went to a seminar with one of the best bariatric surgeons in the Northwest. His selling point? "Once you hit 100 pounds overweight, it's almost impossible to lose it and keep it off on your own."

My response? "Screw you."

So I started out slowly, just walking 20-30 minutes at school during my breaks. This was back in mid-April. I also did a ton of research on calorie intake, calories in foods I regularly eat, how much exercise I could do and should do, blah blah blah. In the past 2 months, I have worked up to walking 45 minutes every weekday, and an hour and a half every weekend day. It has been almost a month since I took a day off. I eat around 1500 calories a day, sometimes a little more. I allow myself treats every day - a piece of candy here, some ice cream there. I occasionally start to feel fatigued, and if that happens, I eat a couple hundred more calories that day and cut back the length or intensity of my walk.

And I've lost 35 pounds.

I feel so much better, I'm fitting into clothes I haven't worn in years, and I have a lot more energy to keep up the walking. My back only hurts if I overdo it (like yesterday when I did an hour and 40 minutes on the treadmill, including running for a quarter mile straight, OH MY GOD what was I thinking?).

Anyway, I've been working my ass off (quite literally). And I don't plan on quitting anytime soon. I still have a lot of weight to lose, but just the fact that I've found something that works (even if it takes a lot of work) is so liberating for me. And people have started to notice too, which is really cool.

So in a few months when it's really noticeable I might actually post pictures of me. We'll see. Anyway, yay me, and now I have to go run after my kids. Which I can do now - faster! :-)

As per Alyssia

2009-06-01T20:20:00.001-07:00

I started this entry almost two months ago, thinking I'd get around to taking pictures of my pretty new car, but alas, I've been remiss. So you'll have to deal with the pic I found on the Honda website.

Click on White Diamond Pearl to get the full effect.

Meet Bella. I named her that because she sparkles like a vampire in the sunlight. (If you're not up on the whole Twilight thing, well, let's just say that Bella means beauty in Italian).

This is my new baby. We paid off our SUV with our tax refund this year and decided to trade my 7-year-old sedan for Bella here. Isn't she pretty? V6, leather interior, 6 CD changer, great gas mileage, much bigger than my other sedan - we can actually fit Emma's rear-facing carseat in the back and Scott can still move his seat back as far as he needs for his 6'6" height.

Scott and I dropped the kids off at my parents' on Friday, April 3rd, so we could have an "us" day, which we haven't done in awhile. We do date nights all the time, but a whole day to ourselves - well, it's been awhile. So we sat at lunch trying to figure out what to do and one of us (I don't remember who) said, "Let's go test drive cars!"

Actually, before that I said, "Let's go to the pound!" Thank god I have more restraint when it comes to animals or we would have ended up with a dog AND a car in the same day.

Anyway, we went to Honda, we test drove a demo model (one that the managers drove around so it had 4,000 miles on it) and I LOVED it. I hit the gas getting on the freeway and literally felt giddy. If the salesman hadn't been in the backseat I would have giggled. It was FUN.

Long story short, after making the salesguy wait while we went to check out Toyota Camrys (nice car, but not tall enough for Scott) we made our way back to Honda and went through the 3-hour process of haggling, waiting, haggling, waiting, paperwork paperwork paperwork DRIVE HOME YAY!

And I've been driving her and loving her for almost two months now.

And the bastards put a dent in her. Double bastards. Grr.

&$*# YOU!

2009-05-31T19:49:00.000-07:00

I swear to GOD, if my children EVER get in the driver's seat of a car after they have been drinking, I will kill them myself.

I was rear-ended tonight. Scott and I are in the car heading out to dinner (the kids were in my parents' car, which hadn't caught up to us yet) and I see this bronze-looking Grand Prix weaving down the road behind me. I think, what the hell is that car doing? They're going too fast and they're weaving all over the road.

I pull up to the stop sign, and like I always do, make a full stop (I swear I'm one of the few people I know who actually makes a 3-second stop at most stop signs). I look in my rearview mirror and sure enough, Weaver back there slams into my rear end. MY BRAND NEW, LESS THAN TWO MONTHS OLD REAR END.

So I get out, all pissed off, and when I see that there's just a scrape and the indentation of a screw on my bumper I was about to call it good, especially since there wasn't any apparent damage to them too. Then I walked up to their car.

And about got drunk off the fumes.

I swear, they must have had open containers in the car, and all 5 of them (big people too, 5 big people) sounded, looked and acted like they were drunk, high or both. At that point, I started asking for insurance information and some guy in the backseat got out, started apologizing and said it was his car. The woman in the driver's seat barely said two words and completely ignored me when I asked questions. I told him I wanted insurance information, and after getting some papers out of the glove box and rifling through them he goes, "Oh, I'm sorry, I don't have insurance." This was after he told me he just bought the car.

So while I'm talking with this guy Scott gets the phone out so he can call our insurance company, but he hadn't quite gotten to calling them, and when the guy said he didn't have insurance I told him to call the police. I knew they were going to try something at that point, because really, why start going through papers if it's YOUR car and you know you don't have insurance? I got what info I could from the guy, his name, address, phone number, and the woman's name (or at least what they SAID their names were) and their license plate.

So the really nice couple who witnessed the accident were very helpful, and while I went to talk to them for a second, the guy told the woman who was driving to get out of the car. At this point, my dad and mom (who had pulled up behind them right after it happened, they were going to dinner with us) heard the woman say something to the effect of "I'm wanted, no cops" and the guy got into the driver's seat. I'm standing in front of the car at this point, and when it becomes obvious that they're going to try to leave, I planted my feet while Scott told them that they'd get in even more trouble for leaving the scene of the accident. I stood there while Scott tried to reason with them, but then he said that it wasn't worth it, so I got out of the way. And the assholes drove off.

Drunk out of their minds, flipping us off as they went.

Mother fuckers.

And really, I could care less about my car, and I may not have even called the insurance company, much less the police - IF THEY HADN'T BEEN DRUNK. If it had been an accident, someone not paying attention, who was cooperative and helpful, I may have said, ok, you don't have insurance, let's keep this between us. BUT THEY WERE DRUNK. And trying their hardest to hide everything they could from us. And what if they hadn't been on a residential street, and they were going faster? Or my kids were in the car?

The police showed up a few minutes later, unfortunately too late to see them, but we had our story, my parents' story, and the couple who lived at the house on the corner. There really isn't much they can do, but because I got the license plate they at least ran that, hopefully to get them off the road.

The woman who drove even bitched me out because of the "couple of scrapes" on my bumper, but I ignored her and the guy who got in the driver's seat told her to shut up.

I sincerely hope that they either got to where they were going safely so that no one else got hurt, or that they got picked up. I doubt anything will happen to them, or that they'll even get caught. But the police did everything they could.

Now I just hope that I don't have back issues because of this. The woman could barely walk when she got out of the car, she was so wasted. And I really just want to hit something right now, I'm so pissed off. My CHILDREN ride in the car with me, and people like this are on the road. I somehow doubt that any of the 5 people in that car were sober enough to operate that vehicle safely.

Thank god we're all ok.

One

2009-05-06T20:51:00.000-07:00

Dear Emma,
Words cannot express how you have changed my life since you joined our family. You are the little girl I always dreamed of, the one I get to play dressup with, the one who makes my heart soar when I see your smile. And while I have to say that your brother is just as special to me, this is your letter so I'm going to talk about you and you only.

The past year has been one of the happiest of my life. Part of that comes from being healthier mentally, but a large part comes from your being such a happy, easygoing and lovable little person. You have obliged me this year by being slow about hitting your milestones, and I've been able to watch you not only as you suddenly burst into a new word or sign but watch the progressions up to that as well.

You slept through the night at 2 weeks. You constantly have a smile on your face. You LISTEN when I say no! Like, seriously, when you reach for something and I tell you no, you drop it or pull your hand away. You smile when I walk into the room, you reach your hands to me to be picked up, you wave bye bye and say bye at the same time. Dog was your first word (which has definitely pleased your animal-lover mom). You sign more, hi, bye, please, thank you, milk and eat, and you say bye, dog, Luh (Lucky), pillow, Aasssh (Ash) and cat.

You sleep like your father and are hard to wake up in the morning. When I get you up, you shake like you're freezing and it takes at least 20 minutes for it to stop. When I put you on the floor you will spend 20 minutes putting things in a box and taking them back out again. You entertain yourself and giggle at things you do by yourself. The hamster bit your finger once a few months ago and you will now touch only the green part of the cage, not the wire part. You LOVE your piano and not only play it with total abandon, you dance like nobody's watching. You dance to anything - even if I just say the word dance, you start dancing.

You are so easy to take anywhere - whether you've had a nap or not, whether you've eaten or not, whether your diaper is dirty or clean, you never fuss. The only time you get upset is when you fall down or are so tired you just can't take it anymore. You climb stairs, cruise along furniture, splash in the tub and help me dress you.

But most of all, you make me happy. Your beautiful eyes and your smile light up my life. I can't wait to go in your room in the morning and I miss you when you sleep. I ask Grandma to send me pictures in the middle of the day so I can see what you're up to.

And I can't wait to see what you become.

Happy birthday, Ping.

Love, Mommy

It sure FEELS like the flu...

2009-05-02T18:39:00.000-07:00

So the nurse called back last night and said the tests for Influenza A and B were both negative, so I don't have the flu. I have all the symptoms, just not the actual flu. It really feels like bronchitis mixed with a sinus infection plus allergies, and I don't remember being this sick in a very long time. Fun, right? :-) I also slept all day today. I mean ALL day, like I woke up at 7:30, got Scott to get Emma and Alex taken care of, passed out and didn't get out of bed until 3:30. That's P.M. I wish I wasn't sick so I could have actually enjoyed that. :-) Anyway, taking it easy, staying away from people, hoping this goes away by Monday because with this swine flu crap everyone is extra special scared about the slightest cough or sneeze - and me being the workaholic that I am, I go to work sick all the time but people are yelling at me for it now. Ugh.

Isn't irony a bitch?

2009-05-01T16:20:00.000-07:00

So I just posted a joke site about how it's most likely that you DON'T have swine flu.

And my doc just told me I could very well have it. Or at least Influenza A or B, which is pretty much the same thing.

What the hell...that's karma right there.

Self check

2009-04-30T21:15:00.000-07:00

Here is a simple test to see if you have swine flu. It never hurts to be aware!

Do I have swine flu?

Pictures

2009-04-26T21:12:00.000-07:00

Fun stuff from the last few weeks.

Duuude. My hair rawks.

Moooom, I didn't have ANYthing to do with this. I promise. *wink wink

Baby in a box!

I don't have to go to bed if I play the cute card, right, Mom?

What do you think of my photography skills, Mom?

Ah-ah-ah-ah stayin' alive!

Daddy always said I'd hate ladybugs. Not so much, Dad!

Mom doesn't like frilly and pink so much. So I got THIS for Easter. I like it. :-)

I'm going to point my teeny-tiny toe so you can ooh and ahh. Enjoy!

Gratuitous cuteness.

Hooray for standardized tests!

2009-04-25T08:46:00.000-07:00

(If you thought that was a serious headline, you're wrong.)

We're done with WASL. Thank god. Although, honestly, I've never seen kids work so hard. I'm starting to think I might actually be decent at this teaching thing, you know. Even if those kids failed miserably, it wasn't for lack of trying, because holy crap, did they ever try. I had kids who worked so hard checking and rechecking their work that it took them two hours to do the reading tests. And before this year I had never had kids voluntarily use manipulatives during the math test - I offered, they were there, but they chose not to use them. EVERY SINGLE KID asked to use them this time.

And we're done.

I swear that was the longest 6 days of my life.

On another note, Emma has officially started talking. She's making attempts at a ton of words and sounds now. She says bye and waves when someone walks away, so not only is she saying it, she's saying it in context. She's working hard at making at least the vowel sounds in a lot of words. She's also being extremely annoying when we're eating. If we don't immediately give her food when we're eating, or she's done eating what she's been given, she lets out this high-pitched "Ah-AH!" that severely limits our chances of ever making friends with other people in the room. She only does it around food - otherwise she's a dream baby. We're working on not acknowledging the noisemaking - hopefully she'll stop before we've alienated ourselves from everyone. :-)

I can garden! Well, not really, but I can dig crap up and transplant stuff. I bought two really pretty hydrangea bushes for the front bed, and I managed to dig up my two heather bushes and move them around to the backyard bed without killing them. I've been working really hard on the beds this week. I dug up almost everything in the backyard bed, not realizing that the alyssum plants that I thought were dead really weren't. So I bought more alyssum. In the back bed we have two lily bushes, two heather bushes now, and a border of alyssum all around. Plus this beautiful little tree that popped up two inches from the foundation of our house, which receives all the warmth from the dryer vent right above it. It was so pretty that I didn't have the heart to move it, and the fact that it isn't dead yet says a lot for the protection of that dryer vent. I don't know what the tree is, but it will probably become a permanent fixture in our yard once I figure out where to move it.

The front beds have been an experiment from the beginning. When we got here they had a ton of mossy groundcover, a bunch of hostas, some bulbs and a rhody and azalea bush. Since then I've ripped out a bunch of weeds and moss, a couple of hostas and a hydrangea (because we had to get at the plumbing, otherwise I never would have gotten rid of hydrangeas). We planted two japonicas, a Japanese maple, 8 lithodora groundcover, and 5 hydrangeas. We now have two Japanese maples in our front yard - one is more bushy and looks like a weeping willow in the bed next to the rhody, and the other is more tree-like and is our centerpiece at the front of our yard. I had Scott put a ring of cement stones around it and planted alyssum there the other day.

We hired Trugreen to come spray our lawn this week. I got tired of buying fertilizer and mosskill and such and waiting waiting waiting to actually apply it, because every time I wanted to, Scott would have some reason why we couldn't. We just seeded, it just rained, I need to mow, we need to seed first, blah blah blah, I finally took the reins from Scott and called in the cavalry. Besides, I'm sick of pulling up dandelions in the backyard, and I can guarantee that Scott never does that. He mows and weedwhacks. I weed and plant. We need someone else to kill the weeds, especially with my back the state it's in.

So that's about it. I'm going to go edge the lawn today - or at least get it started before people yell at me. I feel so good these days that I forget that I've got two disks that could pop if I overdo it. On a good note, though - I've lost 22 pounds. I haven't talked much about my weightloss here because it's kind of a sensitive issue with me (always has been) but I think I'm getting to a point where I can talk about it more comfortably. So watch for a weightloss journal post coming soon.

Have a great weekend!

Just one reason

2009-04-16T19:41:00.000-07:00

This is exactly why I avoid revealing my religious preference at school. Or anywhere, really.

Kid comes up to me a couple of days ago. This was our exchange.

Kid: Mrs. B, did you know that there's someone in our class who doesn't believe in God?

Me (thinking, "Oh shit, who told you??" I calmly reply): And? There are many different beliefs out there, and there's nothing wrong with someone choosing a belief system that's different from yours or mine.

Kid: I don't think I can be in a classroom with someone who doesn't believe in God.

Me (thinking, "Oh, shit, do NOT tell him you don't, you will get REAMED by his parents"): Well, kiddo, I can guarantee that there will be others in this class and our school who don't believe the same way. How would you feel if your best friend was a Muslim? Or your principal was a Buddhist? Or your teacher was an atheist? (trying not to giggle)

Kid: I wouldn't like being in the same school with them.

Me: Why not?

Kid: Because God made us.

Me (hoping I can salvage some sort of acceptance lesson out of this): And that is obviously a very important part of your belief system. But you can't hold it against someone who believes something different. There are many beliefs out there and even if you don't like someone's beliefs, that doesn't mean that you can treat them differently or discriminate against them because of it. Got it?

Kid: Okay.

Me (blurting): And I don't believe in God either! Take your narrow minded thinking and shove it, you little snot!

(I'm kidding, that last part didn't happen. But it could have. It reeeeeally could have.)

Easter

2009-04-13T21:34:00.000-07:00

Busy weekend. Busy week, actually. Back to work last week and all, I was playing catchup for the first half. Then, wonder of wonders, I managed to get ALL caught up from a month and a half off of work PLUS get all my report cards done, all within 3 days. I kick ass, I'm not afraid to say it.

This past weekend Alex had a birthday party to go to, which just reminded me how much I don't like kids' birthday parties. Which reminded me that Emma's birthday is coming up. Dammit. I'm SO not in the frame of mind to do a big to-do, so I think this one will be a family gathering at our house.

Anyway, Alex's friend Geo turned 5 this weekend, and he had a mini carnival thing, with bowling, bobbing for frogs (they picked a frog our of the water and if they got the right number on the bottom of it they got a prize), beanbag toss, plus a clown doing face painting. They even rented a cotton candy machine. And I thought I was going all out by reserving Odyssey last year. Which we will be doing again for Alex this year - THAT was easy. Spend less than 100 bucks and you don't have to entertain OR clean up after a gaggle of little boys.

After the party we went to my parents' house and colored Easter eggs, which really involved Alex dropping one or two eggs into the dye, cracking another 4 or 5 "accidentally," and then getting bored and going off to do something else while Scott and I finished coloring. Which involved Scott writing dirty things on the eggs with the wax crayon. Typical.

Afterward (I told you it was a busy weekend, and this is only Saturday!) I took Alex to the Hannah Montana movie. It was awesome (the time with Alex, not the movie) because we went to a 7:00 movie, which is Alex's bedtime, so he was really tired and wanted to snuggle through the whole thing. And then we got an extra hour of sleep the next morning. WHEE! :-)

Due to my half-assery, the Easter bunny only visited Grandma and Grandpa's houses, so the kids didn't get anything from us. (Part of that stems from my being a regular Scrooge, but part of that has to do with my not wanting them to have more candy than they can choke on). On Sunday we went to my parents' to do an Easter egg hunt, then Scott's parents' to do dinner. Then we came home, put the kids to bed and passed out.

I've had my car for over a week now and I LURVVVVE it. She's so much fun to drive, and I haven't been able to find a thing that I DON'T like about her. I actually fight to drive down to Scott's parents' now, when before I wanted to avoid it if I could con Scott into it. And, as usual, when Scott gets off the laptop (whenever that might be, he's working nonstop overtime lately) I'll get the pics off my camera, onto the laptop, then move them over. Because the stupid USB port on the desktop computer isn't working, so I have to take an extra step to get pics on my blog. Bah.

In other news, Alex has finally started "getting" the whole letters/reading thing. You can tell he's going to be one of those nerdy kids who always has his head in a book. (Gee, I wonder where he gets that. It couldn't be the certifiable nerd and geek he has for parents.) He is always sitting there staring at books now and he is finally making headway with recognizing letters. He's even started forming letters on paper and can recognize a few (A, B, S and O mostly). He and I sat at the kitchen table for 20 minutes tonight, singing the ABC song back and forth so he could figure out which letter went in which box on this workbook maze we were working on. And the thing that really makes me proud? He ALWAYS goes back and checks to see what a letter should look like before he writes it. He even said, "Show me what that letter looks like" a few times. It's clicking. YAY!

Oh, and we were reading The Great Kapok Tree tonight, and his comprehension skills amaze me. There was a part of the book that talks about how, if the trees in the rainforest are chopped down, there will be nothing to hold the soil and the rain will wash it away. So we read the page and I asked him what would happen if they chopped the tree down. "The rains will come and wash away the soil," was his response. I only wish I had remembered to have a discussion on the word "erosion," because I guarantee he would have used that word in conversation at school tomorrow.

Speaking of school, he informed me that Nyomi was breaking up with him. Apparently he's been with other girls. And he hasn't decided who his next girlfriend is going to be, although he's interested in Alexandra. Hehehe...

Emma is, well, Emma. Not much to report on her end, although she LOVES being sung to before bed. I always sing her a lullaby and rock her in the glider in her room after reading a story or two. She doesn't really like story time at this point - she would rather have the book in her hands and flip pages by herself, so she only has patience for one or two short books right now. But I make sure she's crawling around Alex's room when I read him stories so she at least hears it all. She officially said Mama and Dada. Once. And she makes animal sounds if you ask her what an animal says, and then say it yourself. SO different from Alex, who already had a 20-word vocabulary by now, including almost that many signs. But I keep telling myself that HE was the weirdo and that she's normal. 'Cause that's a healthy way to label your kids. ;-) She started differentiating her signs a little this week - now she does "more" AND "please" instead of just flapping her arms for all of her signs. Oh, and last night she started fussing because her toy wouldn't do what she wanted it to, and I told her, "Emma, stop it or you're going night-night." She stopped. It worked four times. Which I think is proof that she does understand us even if she isn't talking back, so all is well and good.

Anyway, it's late and I promised Scott some snuggle time. Sorry about the lack of updates for awhile, but it'll be a little sporadic for a bit. Night all!

Back to work!

2009-04-06T20:28:00.000-07:00

Yup, that's pretty much it. I'm exhausted. Didn't hurt too bad, but I did have to lie down on my couch while the kids were working on writing once. Made it all day on one dose of Motrin - whee!

We bought a car on Friday. I'll post pics and tell the story soon. Meanwhile, here's a cute one of Emma, just because.

New content!

2009-03-30T07:46:00.000-07:00

I have apparently posted 6 times in the last 24 hours, which is odd because I really haven't spent THAT much time on here...

Anyway, just make sure to scroll all the way down the page for a bunch of new stuff. I have pics of Alex, pics of Emma, a book review and a book signing opportunity (for anyone who follows Dooce like I do).

Have fun!

Alex!

2009-03-30T07:36:00.000-07:00

I finally captured the essence of the booty-shaker that is my son. Enjoy. :-)

Emma!

2009-03-30T07:29:00.000-07:00

Enough with the talking already. Pictures!

Tutu! I bought one like this for cousin Jazlyn too, except it's red, white and pink and longer.

Crawling! Some of her first crawling pics.

Pictures!

2009-03-30T07:12:00.001-07:00

Finally! So I actually remembered to get my camera, sit down and upload all of my photos - plus the ones from my phone, which are actually more relevant because they captured (albeit fuzzily) most of Emma's big milestones over the past month or two.

I'll try to keep this as concise as possible, but I know some people ONLY come here for pictures and I've been sorely remiss lately. Onward!

Emma pulling up for the first time

The morning I woke up to find Emma sitting up in bed for the first time

Alex at TKD in his sparring gear

Big brother, little sister

Big brown eyes...who can resist?

SMALL BABY! This is baby Tanner, who at this moment is no bigger than 6 pounds. Can you tell how absolutely NOMMABLE he is?

More pics in the next post, plus later I'll have an all-Alex post where he shakes his moneymaker. I'm not kidding.

Love This!

2009-03-29T22:59:00.000-07:00

You know you're in love when you begin mirroring your 10-month-old's wiggly, smiley, floppy-hand shrieking noises because you JUST CAN'T HELP IT, SHE IS SO DAMNED A-FREAKING-DORABLE.

Books

2009-03-29T22:25:00.000-07:00

Speaking of books, I've had lots of time to read lately. Having a 4 year old who loves preschool and a 10 month old who loves to take 3 hour naps, plus LOTS of free time off work the past few weeks has been GREAT when it comes to consuming new reading material.

So I FINALLY (after, I swear, like 6 months) finished The Host, Stephenie Meyer's non-Twilight novel, which actually was pretty good and not as whiny as the Twilight series (although I never got past New Moon, and I hear the third book is better). Quick synopsis of The Host - humans are virtually extinct because "parasites" (think worm invading our brains) have enslaved us. Except these parasites are fundamentally good, and the one invading the main character, Melanie, begins realizing that not only is her host not gone, but it's really hard to WANT her gone. Once I had time to actually sit down with it, I really enjoyed getting through this one. This one seemed like Meyer was trying to reach a slightly older audience, although it still is a young adult novel (don't be expecting Faulkner, here).

Then I started the Marked series, by P.C. Cast and Kristin Cast - another vampire story. I like the bloodsuckers, what can I say? This mother-daughter team seems to really understand teen minds (mainly because the daughter isn't much older than a teen herself and made sure that her mom didn't sound like a dork [her words] when she wrote the character). In an odd divergence from the Twilight series, this one seems like it's written to a younger audience but addresses issues like sexuality, language and overall bitchy teenagers in a more adult way. Twilight was definitely more tame and addressed sexuality just the way you'd think an LDS author would (Meyer is a card-carrying Mormon - went to BYU and everything). The Marked series begins with the main character witnessing an attempted blow job, so it kind of blows (hehe...no pun intended) the Twilight subtlety out of the water.

The main character, Zoey, lives in a universe where vampyres (the olde spellyng) are real and you don't change into one if you're bitten, you have to be chosen and Marked. And even then you might die while you're changing. But Zoey gets Marked and finds out that she's a special fledgling chosen by the Goddess Nyx (Night) to be her eyes and ears. And that doesn't cause her as much trouble as you might think, because her new friends accept her difference - it's just outside influences like her very religious stepfather and Stepford Wife mom that cause the problems.

Anyway, I just started the third book in the Marked series, and it's definitely something I'd recommend for light reading. A friend once told me she wouldn't let her daughter read it, but I think about what I was reading in 5th or 6th grade (right about the age that kids would start getting interested in these books)... Compared to some of those novels, most of which would definitely NOT be considered young adult, I would wholeheartedly endorse these for teens. A short list of books I read back then - I discovered V.C. Andrews, of Flowers in the Attic fame, as well as Dean Koontz, horror novelist (back then he was strictly horror, now he has really expanded his repertoire to the quantum-physical level). So compared to those two authors, yeah, Marked is tame.

I've been reading a lot of vampire books lately. Maybe someone should start checking Scott for bite marks. Hehehe...

Dooce!

2009-03-29T22:16:00.000-07:00

My favorite mommyblogger (although don't call her that in person, apparently she hates it), Dooce (AKA Heather Armstrong), will be in the PNW on Monday and Tuesday this week for book signings. Her new book, It Sucked, and then I Cried, which I sadly haven't read yet, is bound to be as hilarious and self-deprecatingly charming as her website is.

PORTLAND, OR
Monday, March 30
7:30 PM PST
POWELL'S
1005 W. Burnside Avenue
Portland, OR

SEATTLE, WA
Tuesday, March 31
7:00 PM PST
THIRD PLACE BOOKS
17171 Bothell Way NE
Lake Forest Park, WA 98155

I would totally go, but...well, I swear, I'm not creepy stalkerish like that. Really I'm not. See, there WAS this one time in high school...but I've moved past that. But I think Heather would get it if I told her I loved her and wanted to have her babies.

Pondering

2009-03-26T23:45:00.000-07:00

I really should stop using all caps.

But does that mean I'm going to actually DO it?

OF COURSE NOT.

SMALL BABY! MUST NOMNOMNOM

2009-03-26T23:36:00.000-07:00

So on top of one of my best friends having her twins on my birthday last week, another of my best friends had her baby on Monday. I am SWIMMING in babies, people. Plus I've got another coworker due in May.

I got to see Tanner (singleton baby, not one of the twins) today. I swear, I have never held such a small baby. See, an average-sized baby is, well, pretty average for the size that I'm used to holding. Actually, the smallest baby I've ever held was about 7 pounds. Tanner was 6lb7oz at birth, and today, he was 5lb15oz. I could almost have held him in my hand.

He wasn't early or anything, their family I guess just happens to make small babies. OK, so I happen to make freakishly large babies. Which probably is at least part of the reason I'm in a lot of pain right now, THANK YOU ALEX AND EMMA FOR CARRYING WAAAAAY OUT FRONT AND PUTTING LOTS OF STRESS ON MY LOWER BACK.

Well, that and the fact that I'm ridiculously overweight and I carry it all around my middle, but this is America, and I have every right to blame someone else for my problems. Hell, the democrats want to make that America's slogan, don't they?

Ahem, sorry for that completely random political tidbit, I don't know where that came from.

Anyway, the only reason I had for posting this was that I held a completely tiny 5 lb tidbit today and all I wanted to do for the whole half hour I was there was dip him in ketchup and EAT HIM.

So very NOMMABLE.

OUCH.

2009-03-25T17:16:00.001-07:00

So I had my first steroid epidural shot yesterday. My new least favorite phrase EVER: "I have to STIMULATE THE PAIN so I can tell exactly where to inject the medicine."

OW.

Let me repeat that.

OW OW OW OW OW.

And they wouldn't even let Scott come in to hold my hand.

It wasn't so bad at first - they stuck the needle in and it pinched, big deal. It was when he was wiggling that needle around to STIMULATE THE PAIN that I broke into tears. I literally whimpered. Like a damned dog, I whimpered.

They took xrays while he was wiggling the damned needle around to make sure he had the right spot, which was why Scott couldn't be in there, but goddamnit, he WILL be with me when I get my next one. There's no way I'm lying on a table with my ass hanging out in front of three people, whimpering and blubbering WITHOUT SOMEONE HOLDING MY HAND.

HE WILL HOLD MY HAND NEXT TIME.

I don't care if the xrays make him sterile. I don't want any more kids anyway.

Fuckers. God, that hurt.

Must. Remain. Calm.

2009-03-22T23:23:00.000-07:00

I just keep repeating this to myself any time I try to teach Alex something related to reading. I swear, I feel like I'm suiting up for battle. More on this in a minute.

I've been rather busy the last few days despite the fact that I'm supposed to be resting. I managed to sneak into work and get some stuff done, but I have to get Reading report cards done by Tuesday so you may not hear from me before then. (Side note: Dawn, when you read this give me a call if I haven't called you already. I have some health-related questions for you.)

Emma came VERY close to saying "bye-bye" today. She also gave Dora and Boots kisses tonight. She really loves it when I read to her, and she's finally stopped trying to grab the book and twist it or crumple it while I'm reading. Dora seems to be her favorite, although that's probably just because of the big heads, open faces and bright colors.

She is starting to recognize commands now - she will point at things when I ask her, "Where's ____? Point to ______," in addition to stopping things when I tell her no. When she picks up a sock and I tell her, "That's a sock," she will bring it to her foot and try to put it on. Speaking of socks, she also will take off her socks and put them in her laundry basket while she's in her crib. THAT one had me giggling.

She also says "Ah ah" (arf arf) when I say "Doggie," or, "What does the doggie say?" or if she sees a dog. She's really exploring her vocal range, combining lots of consonant-vowel sounds, and I can tell she's going to start talking up a storm any day now. She gets so frustrated when she can't do something or can't communicate what she wants, but she's starting to figure out that there are ways that she can get something across to us.

Alex has decided that it's his goal in life to make sure Scott and I live by our own rules. He has told us several times that we need to "Stop that attitude" or "Don't show that tone." If he weren't right 75% of the time I'd tell him to knock it off. :-)

So, back to the heading of my post. One of the things that worries me most about Alex is his tendency to be SO much like me in one area - he HATES being wrong. I think that is what has been a huge block to his learning to read so far. He hates being wrong and he knows how frustrated I get when I try to teach him something and he can't focus on it. We have gone over the letter "A" 900 million times but he still can't tell me that the fourth letter in the word "bread" is an A. Being so NOT a primary teacher (I swear, those three years I spent teaching 3rd grade were three years too many) I have never had the patience for teaching the littlest ones. It has been quite a learning experience trying to adapt my teaching style to my most challenging student. I think we might have had a little breakthrough today though.

I decided to stop focusing on the letters themselves so much because there's obviously a block there and he may not be developmentally ready to start recognizing and naming those letters. And I already talked to the doctor - she said they don't start evaluating anything until they're school age and it's causing a problem there. So I decided to focus on concepts of print and word recognition. It seemed logical to go with the concepts of print thing, but word recognition just popped into my head as something to try. So this morning we worked on recognizing how many words are on a page by acknowledging the space between them. So we counted words on the first page before we read the story. Tonight I asked him what goes in between words, and he remembered that a space goes between them (score 1 for Marci!). Then we worked on the direction that we read, and he was able to tell me (with a little prompting) that we read from left to right and top to bottom. I had him point to the words as I read them, and I read fast or slow depending on how fast his finger was moving.

Then I showed him the word "the" and asked him if he saw any other words on the page that were exactly the same. He first started pointing to random words, which is his typical response, and I can't tell if it's because he really doesn't see the connection or he's just afraid to get the wrong one so he just points to anything on the page. Trying to be patient, I just kept pointing out the word "the" and asking him if the word he pointed to was really exactly the same. So then he starting pointing to words with letters from "the" - a "t" here, an "h" there, which was a bit encouraging, because it means he does recognize the letters, even if he can't name them. He even said, "But that's the same one" when pointing to an "h." He finally was able to find the other two "the"s on the page, and I told him what the word was. I then read the story to him, stopping every time I came to a "the" and having him say it. Although I had to make sure he was actually looking at my finger pointing to the word, as opposed to just saying "the" every time I paused in my reading. THAT was the hardest part - making sure he stayed focused.

I do NOT envy his future teachers.

Anyway, he learned several things today - there are spaces between words, we read left-right and top-bottom, and the word "the." I even wrote the word "the" on a card and put it in the pocket chart in his room, and since he was able to recognize it I game him 2 stickers - one for him and one on the card. I told him that any time he recognizes the word anywhere he'll get another sticker on the card. He seemed really excited about that part.

We'll see if it sticks.

He has really gotten into reading lately. He has been constantly asking us to read to him, and he was very excited to pick out his own book when we went to Borders yesterday. He asked me to read it to him at least 12 times today. I'm hoping that this enthusiasm will gradually translate into increased enthusiasm for the mechanics of reading.

Speaking of mechanics of reading, does anyone have any suggestions in this area for me? I've tried flashcards but he has no patience for them, and I've tried more kinesthetic approaches (giving him foam or fabric letters to handle, tracing letters with his fingers, drawing letters on the ground and having him walk on them, whiteboards and markers, etc.) but he still doesn't seem to get letter (or number, for that matter) recognition. I really just need to know if I'm worried for no reason or if I should be concerned, because his preschool has said the same things that I've been concerned about lately. He mixes up letters and numbers and can't focus there either.

I'm just hoping that one day something will suddenly click and I won't have to worry about it, but until that happens, isn't it my prerogative to worry?

Must. Remain. Calm. My new mantra.

Woohoo!

2009-03-19T07:46:00.000-07:00

Doc says I don't need surgery. Actually, doc says they want to avoid surgery if at all possible, but that's another issue.

I have 2 disks that are bad. The lowest is the worst, and that's the one causing all the pain. I'll start steroid injections next week - I'll get a course of three and we'll see how those work. I'm hoping to be back at work by the end of Spring Break in 2 weeks.

REALLY looking forward to not hurting. And not being on mind-altering drugs. :-)

In other news, my friend Sara had her twins on my birthday! They were born at 28 weeks, so they've got a long road, but they're doing great. They were both taken off their ventilators yesterday and they're really strong. Congrats Sara!

I'm debating heading in to school today. I have to update my gradebook and print out my grades so I can do reading report cards, but Scott gets really pissed when I talk about going in to work. Maybe I just won't tell him. ;-)

Emma is hitching now. She has gotten really good at pulling to standing, and she's starting to explore walking. She's taken a few steps while holding to our hands and is getting more comfortable with it.

I think we've decided to let Alex's hair grow out. His friend Spencer at school has long hair and I think he wanted to be like Spencer. Alex has great hair, and it'll look really nice grown out...but he does have that massive noggin (you know, that big brain of his) and I'm not sure long hair will look good on him. He wanted to try it, so we'll see.

That's all for now. Off to spend some quality time with the baby girl.

Open mouth. Insert foot.

2009-03-17T05:04:00.000-07:00

I have this uncanny ability to make things happen entirely based upon the expression of my own negativity.

So much so, that I KNEW that if I got on my blog and publicly bitched about my husband not taking hints, even though he doesn't read my blog he would somehow come through and do exactly what I wanted him to do.

Which makes me feel like an ass. Although a rather-good-at-prognosticating ass.

He came home late last night, which should have been my first clue. We got the kids in bed, watched a little TV, and for some odd reason he actually came to bed the same time I did, which should have been my second clue. So I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth - and there on the counter was the mecca of all birthday gifts: the jeweler's giftbag.

Not only did I get this, I also got these. And get this - he made his own card. It said, "The small one on the right is from Alex. The small one on the left is from Emma. And the big one in the middle is from me."

Then he got Alex and Emma to put their fingerprints on the card, flanking his own.

Now if that's not the sweetest, most romantic thing ever, I don't know what is. He literally put their fingerprints on the card. No one else will ever have a card like that. Because those are my babies' fingerprints. And yes, I just called my husband my baby. Which totally sounds weird, but we'll just look past that for the moment.

And yes, I cried. Not because of the jewelry (that would be a little materialistic of me, wouldn't it? Ah, screw it, what girl doesn't love jewelry?). But because of the card. Because of the teeny-tiny little smudges of Alex and Emma. And the ginormous heart of my forgiving, wonderful, sweet, loving husband.

He did good. And he's totally redeemed himself for not taking hints.

Do I feel old?

2009-03-16T14:28:00.001-07:00

Can't tell you how many times I've gotten this question - most from my husband, har har, making fun of me because I'm TWO WHOLE YEARS older than he is.

Honestly, yeah, right now I do feel rather old. But that has more to do with the fact that I'm a little out of commission right now.

Normally, no, not at all. 30 is the new 20, right? :-)

And all I have to do to remind myself that I'm not "old" is think about how happy I am. I have everything anyone could ask for. A wonderful, loving, caring, supportive husband who smells really good. He does, really. An amazing, brilliant, talented, outgoing, sweet and (mostly) obedient son. A happy, smiling, sweet, easygoing, wonderful daughter who understands "no" at 10 months. A substantial roof over our head and the ability to pay the mortgage. Two quality cars with good insurance, plus the ability to drive them (although for me, there's a short-term hiccup in the ability to drive thing. But everything is temporary.) Two families that live close by so our children can grow up KNOWING THEM. I didn't really know my extended family. I still don't. And I wish I had.

No, I don't feel old. I feel lucky, although I don't really believe in luck. I believe in working hard to get what you deserve, although I'm not really sure how working hard got me the wonderful people I have in my life.

So, on the eve of my 30th birthday, even though I just ranted about the stuff my husband DIDN'T do, I'd like to take this moment to thank him and everyone else in my life who makes me as happy as I am.

Damn, I really am lucky.

This.

2009-03-14T15:08:00.000-07:00

I want THIS. And it's even on sale!

But you know the funny part? He DOESN'T READ MY BLOG!

Hahahahahahahaha HA HA

They really DON'T get it.

2009-03-14T14:42:00.000-07:00

Now, after 8 years together, I have learned something interesting about my husband. It was something that I was convinced couldn't be true, but come to find out, it really, truly, clear-as-day IS.

MEN DO NOT GET HINTS.

I have learned this, rather annoyingly, actually, over the last 7+ years, and this time, since I HAVE learned this, I tried a different tactic.

I TOLD. I didn't HINT.

I said, "You better do something big for my birthday. I'm turning OLD, we'd better celebrate."

I said, "I've never been to the Space Needle. Let's go for my birthday."

I said, "I want a mixmaster for my birthday."

I said all of these things not once, not twice, but multiple times over the past month. He has TOLD me that I need to TELL him, not HINT, when I want something. So I TOLD him.

So today, the last Saturday, the last night we really have to go out before my birthday, I ask, "Did you make reservations at the Space Needle?"

Do I really need to tell you, dear readers, what the answer to that question was?

Well, actually, I do, because it illustrates my point.

He said, "I thought you wanted a weekend away."

...

A wha...?

Did I say ANYTHING about a weekend away up there? Okay, granted, a weekend away would be GREAT, but he told me to tell him what I WANTED, so I DID.

Oh, the other thing he said? A weekend away would be contingent on me feeling better. Which sounds very sweet, but in Scott-speak, is really just another stall tactic so he doesn't have to actually plan something by any particular date. Because I guarantee you that this weekend away is not planned in any sense of the word.

He is such a wonderful man. I couldn't ask for a better husband, father, man. But I think, after 8 years, I think I've learned to accept this part of him. I'm going to have to give up ever expecting to be surprised by a gift.

Even after I've hit him over the head with it.

Dammit, I think I'm just going to go buy myself some jewelry. I'll tell him it's his birthday gift to me.

I am officially old.

2009-03-12T07:26:00.000-07:00

Well, not yet, my 30th birthday isn't until next week.

But I've been hearing all this junk about Twitter lately and decided to check it out. So I signed up, got a user ID and...got bored.

I mean, really, who needs to know what I'm doing at all times? Up to the minute? I've got a blog to document what happened that day, week, or month (the fact that I've been updating every day is amazing). And I have a hard enough time keeping my blog entries shorter than a novel, Twitter requires less than 150 characters (I think - I have an account but I haven't actually done anything with it).

That and Facebook. Gah. Any friends that I might have added to Facebook I'm already friends with on Myspace, but again, I signed up to check it out. And yeah, same old, same old.

I text, I Myspace, I blog - that's enough to keep up with the kiddies these days.

Yeah, so...drugs. DRUUUUUUUGS.

2009-03-11T10:15:00.000-07:00

So I tried to go without percocet yesterday. I made it until about 2:00. I might have made it longer if I hadn't gone to get coffee at Fred Meyer with my parents, but after that?

Well, now I'm on percocet, motrin and a muscle relaxant.

So let's just say I'm not going to try going without again. I might have been okay if I hadn't tried to DO anything. I mean, WHAT was I thinking? God forbid I actually try to get out of the house.

So I took the motrin after lying on the couch, doing deep breathing exercises in between yelping and moaning. Motrin and percocet together actually make me feel almost normal. Which means I just tried to do laundry.

Which means in about 15 minutes I'm going to be yelping and moaning again.

When will I learn?

Precious gems

2009-03-10T21:09:00.000-07:00

These adorable little nubbins happened all in the span of five minutes.

Nubbin #1: So I'm telling my mom about the whole staying-in-bed-in-the-early-morning thing with Alex, and how we can't leave any loopholes or Alex will find them.

Alex: What does loophole mean?
Me: Someday when you can read, you can look that word up in the dictionary.
Alex: (this is a direct quote, and I'm not sure even he could tell you what it means) Well, dictionary raisins means PANTS!

That's right, PANTS.

Nubbin #2: After my mom tells me to stick to my guns on this issue.
Alex: Stick to your testicles, Grandma!

Nubbin #3: Emma starts crawling toward something on the floor.
Alex: (handing me a little piece of bark or something) If you find stuff on the floor that can hurt my sister you get a sticker.

And no, we never told him that.

Nubbin #4: Alex and Emma were playing with the game Guess Who - Emma was pawing at the cards and the little flippy parts, and Alex didn't want her to, so he pulled the game away and growled at her. She sat back, giggled, then growled back at him. They did this 3 times. I almost died.

You know that feeling where you love something so much your heart just wants to jump out of your chest?

Yeah. That.

I really hate staying home.

2009-03-09T14:45:00.000-07:00

All day I've fought this niggling little feeling that I have SOMETHING I should be doing, that doesn't involve tossing Emma in the air, reading stories or blowing raspberries.

Don't get me wrong, if there's anything that could convince me to be a stay-at-home-mom, Emma is it. She makes this whole thing look easy. She gets fussy, feed her. She gets fussy after eating, put her to bed. Let her entertain herself as long as she wants, then play with her the rest of the day. That's pretty much it.

But I can't help feeling guilty about not being at work. Scott (and everybody else) won't let me DO anything - I can't drive because the pain and the percocet are too distracting. I can't clean because I can't bend down. I can barely shower because I'm standing for too long (and I hate baths). (BTW, here's the mindbleach. You're welcome.)

Today was the first day I actually stayed home all day - the other days I've gone to spend with my mom, but that even makes me feel guilty because SHE won't effing sit the hell down. I'm not supposed to DO anything. And I'm BORED.

Anyway, I'm hoping to spend the day with my mom tomorrow so I'm at least not so bored. And I'm planning on trying to go without percocet for a bit to see if I really need it or if I can manage the pain some other way. To be continued...

Nothing new.

2009-03-08T13:35:00.001-07:00

Emma seems to have decided she's tired of surprising us with something new everyday. Today she said Mamamama a lot, but there's no real proof that she has any clue what it means yet.

Alex had a disastrous TKD lesson on Saturday - he wouldn't listen, he started whining, and we ended up CARRYING him (yes, Scott actually picked him up and carried him) out of there early.

He seems to have entered another difficult phase, which, apparently, seem to coincide with stretches of him deciding he doesn't like to sleep. I mean, duh - the kid's tired, he acts up. So Scott and I talked yesterday and decided to make it VERY clear to him that when he wakes up before 6 in the morning (hell, even before 7, we're lucky if he sleeps past 7) he will only be allowed to lay back in bed, close his eyes, and try to go back to sleep. No playing, no talking, no banging, no kicking the bed or walls (we actually have to say all of this to him, because god forbid we leave ANY leeway - if there's a loophole, he will find it).

Anyway, we tried it this morning, and for some reason it actually worked. He woke up at 7 and I didn't think there was any chance. But Scott gave him the rundown and was about to leave when I reminded him, "Make it clear what will happen if he doesn't do it," so Scott said that he wouldn't get to see Grandma and Grandpa if he didn't listen.

We had two blessed hours of silence. And sleep, because we got to go back to sleep. Emma was up eating for awhile but she fell asleep in my arms (awwwww - I think that's the only time she's ever done that, she always has to be put down in her crib) and we actually got to sleep a little longer. The glory! The rapture!

We'll see if it works again.

Other than that, nothing new to report. It's day 5 of Project Wean The Baby, and I haven't had any ill effects - a little sore in the boobage area but nothing as bad as my back. That is still hurting, and I can't walk around for very long before I literally can't walk. Percocet helps but only if I stay off my feet.

I'm calling tomorrow to see if I can get in with the other doc.

History repeats itself

2009-03-05T22:05:00.001-08:00

So my doc said it's virtually impossible for me to do a full 8-hour workday right now (duh) and I can't go half days without getting my pay cut in half because I don't have much sick leave (used it for maternity leave last year). So, until I either get the pain under control, which doesn't seem likely, since I'm taking percocet every four hours and still having leg spasms, or I get the consult and they shoot cortisone into my back, I'm out of work.

Which is funny, because last year, same time, I went out early because of back pain during my pregnancy. I had been hoping to work until the date of my c-section, but it was back and hip pain that made it hard to move then. I wonder if I had gotten the MRI back then that we'd have caught this sooner. Anyway, I'm going to enjoy my time off. As much as I can. :-)

Alex had black belt club class tonight. He didn't do very well, but he went to bed late last night, woke up at 5:15 and wouldn't go back to sleep, AND had both dance and an extra class of TKD today. We're going to skip the extra TKD class next week so he'll hopefully be less tired and more focused.

I found Emma standing in her crib this morning. Up to today she had only pulled up to her knees, and today I heard her making this weird chirping noise so I went to check on her. Sure enough, she was teething on the rail of the crib, standing straight up. Something new every day these days.

Well, more drugs to take. They weren't being very effective earlier, except for making me really loopy during TKD (I actually said, "We don't wear holes with socks in them," to Alex at one point). See you all tomorrow.

Gah.

2009-03-04T22:36:00.000-08:00

So I talked with the receptionist at the neurosurgeon's office today. Apparently my case isn't "urgent" and therefore I don't warrant a consult until March 18th. Which means I get to deal with it. In pain, for the next two weeks, and then even longer as I wait for surgery (if needed). So now I'm sitting here with this doctor's note saying I need a break from work for the next week, when I'm apparently not in danger of rupturing a disk right away, which means I SHOULD BE BACK AT WORK.

Even though 4 hours on my feet is enough to make me cry and I have to sit in the car, writhing and mewling, waiting for 10 minutes for the heated seats to kick in so the inflammation can go down and I can drive home.

So both of these things make me want to punch myself in the face. Because really, I mean, there isn't another better way of handling the situation, so I might as well just do something stupid that might make me feel better. You know, because punching something feels good. Until you realize you just punched yourself and it hurts.

None of that paragraph really made sense to me, but we'll chalk it up to the percocet, ok?

Anyway, I'm thinking I'll probably end up working half days. I can't handle much more than that - the pain after 4 hours makes me completely non-functional. Try managing 27 pre-teens when you can't even walk around the room. I don't know how I'm going to work that though, because I don't have a lot of sick leave left and I'm not sure that short term and long term disability cover part time.

Ugh. I'm just going to enjoy tomorrow off and see if my doctor has any advice. Wish me luck.

Aaaaand we're done.

2009-03-03T20:12:00.001-08:00

I have a herniated disk, which is bulging outward and pinching the nerve that runs down my left leg. I will be scheduling a neurosurgery consult in the next few days. Most likely it will require surgery. Yay!

Scott yelled at me today. I believe the exact words he used were, "You are the most stupidly stubborn person I've ever met." See, I've been working half days for the last 4 work days. On vicodin. And last week, on vicodin and prednisone. Driving all over town. On my feet for four hours at a time. In enough pain that often I had to stop teaching and just clench my teeth or let out little mewling sounds. (The kids' reactions were entertaining, to say the least.)

And see, me being the selfish person that I am, I kept telling myself, it isn't that bad, people are counting on me, I don't want to let them down, I don't want them to think less of me. My kids need stability in their lives, and I AM that stability. I have to be there for them, my coworkers, my boss, my school...well, honestly, for everyone but myself. And while that SOUNDS all warm and fuzzy and selfless, really the only reason I do that is because I don't want them to think that I'm a bad person, so I push myself to make myself look good.

Scott finally called me on it today. He was pissed off, too - rightfully so. I am damned stubborn. Anyway, I have a doctor's note that I'm excused from work for the next week so I don't end up in a worse situation. Right now the disk is just bulging, but it could rupture, which would be all kinds of fun. So I'm going to take hubby's (and doctor's) orders and stay off my feet.

And I'm about to go embark on my last nursing session. The doctor gave me percocet because the vicodin isn't doing as much for my pain as it could. The last time I was on percocet Emma had some side effects, so I decided that since I've been slowly adjusting to the idea of weaning over the last month or so, I'm just going to call it good. I hurt too much to sit up and nurse her right now anyway.

I made it to 10 months! Which is 5 times as long as I nursed Alex, and 10 months longer than some women make it, so I'm going to take that and be proud of myself, dammit.

I'm going to go lie down because my leg is spasming at the moment. And I'm going to cherish the last few nursing moments I have with my daughter.

I'm in awe.

2009-03-02T19:26:00.000-08:00

I really am. I was watching Emma play with my hair as she nursed this morning and all I could think about was, "I don't think I've documented this on my blog yet - I hope I never forget what this feels like."

It's amazing - she's so gentle when she plays with the strands of my hair, and she ALWAYS has to play with it. The first thing she does after latching on is reach out for my hair. Occasionally she'll tug a little too hard, but a "No" or "Nice touches" usually does the trick and she goes back to just gently running her fingers through it. If my hair isn't available, she'll grab her own and pull on it, but she prefers mine. It's one of those moments that you wish you could capture and freeze forever.

This has been such a big week for our little girl. She started crawling, pulling up, signing "please" and repeating our sounds when we make them to her. She does "So big!" now, on cue. She also would play with her Noah's Ark and shapesorter barn for HOURS if we let her. She gives kisses without being asked. And her little toes - have I mentioned I love baby toes? - are perpetually pointed like a little ballerina. bn vgv bh bnj bh b u u b f v bvhg vbghv

(She just typed that. I had to leave it in.)

She has also made the transition from fussing only when she needs something to fussing when she doesn't get something she WANTS. And...so it begins. The discipline thing. This week I've said, "You're fine" a LOT. Over the past month or so I started getting worried that I wasn't going to be as much of a hardass with her as I was with Alex, but that one was answered for me this week - yeah, still the hardass. If there's one thing I will NOT tolerate, it's my own whiny children. (I can't tolerate other people's whiny children either, but at least MY kids won't be the ones annoying THEM.) She is just now getting old enough that if it takes me more than 2 seconds to get the spoon to her mouth, and she starts that annoying "Waaah," I pull the spoon back and tell her, "Chill. It's still here, you're going to get it, you aren't going to starve." And she gets it when she stops "Waaah"-ing. She's learning to deal.

In other news, I go in to get the results of the MRI tomorrow. Obviously there's something wrong (duh, the insane amounts of PAIN PAIN PAIN OW that I've been in should have clued me in) because the nurse didn't just say, "The MRI was normal, you'll be fine." She said, "Let's get you in here as soon as possible so we can go over the results and discuss TREATMENT OPTIONS." So I don't know what's going on yet, but I apparently have TREATMENT OPTIONS. If I could be jumping right now, I would be. 'Cause I'm so excited about my OPTIONS. For treating...well...whatever the hell is wrong with me.

I mean, seriously, is it really that hard to tell me what's going on? Stupid lawyers and their stupid lawsuits that say I can't even know what's going on with MY OWN BODY if the stupid DOCTOR doesn't tell me. Stupids.

I have now had 5 and a half days total that I've missed work (the last three have been half days) because of this pain thing. I'm hoping that they either give me some serious drugs so I can get back to work normally or shoot me up with something that cures it. I don't care at this point, I just want the pain to GO AWAY.

Alex had another three sticker night at TKD, AND he got his first stripe on his orange belt (he has to get three by the next testing).

More info on the MRI tomorrow.

Pondering

2009-03-02T06:11:00.000-08:00

There isn't much that's more glee-inducing than watching your nine-month-old daughter rock out to David Archuleta at 6:00 in the morning.

Pondering

2009-03-01T12:28:00.001-08:00

If the Google AdSense people don't want ME clicking on the damn links, why do they keep posting links that I'm writing about?

Ugh.

2009-02-28T20:54:00.001-08:00

MRI today - long and short of it, I'm apparently a little claustrophobic. Didn't think I was, but when they slooooooooooooowwwwwwwwllllllly wheel you into the tight metal tube and you can't see the end of it, you get a little freaked. Thank god when I got to the end it was open so I could relax, but then my hands started going numb because I was smushed up in there pretty tight. I had the guy take me back out so I could change the position of my arms, and that made it a lot better - just needed to do some deep breathing to get through the next 10 minutes. If I had to I wouldn't need a valium or something to do it again, but let's just say it's not something I would choose to do if I had to pick between that and a walk on the beach.

Results hopefully on Monday or Tuesday.

Talk about a spurt

2009-02-27T21:51:00.001-08:00

(hehehe...that sounds vaguely dirty...)

Ahem. Sorry. Anyway, not much to report except that I'm going for my MRI tomorrow, and it feels like whatever the steroids were supposed to do for my back they've finally started to do this evening, which means I can sit here and type this without standing up and hobbling around the room every 30 seconds. Hopefully the doc will have not-so-scary news tomorrow, like, news that can be fixed with not-so-heavy drugs or a shot to the back or something, as opposed to surgery.

In other news, Alex had a great TKD class - 3 stickers! He also told Scott, "Seriously, Dad, why did you leave your hair all over the sink?" Because Scott forgot to clean up his whiskers from shaving. It was very cute. And again, my little black anal-retentive heart melted just a little.

And in the actual "spurt" news, Emma seems to have hit a large-motor growth spurt. Not only did she officially start crawling yesterday, tonight she SAT UP IN HER CRIB. All by herself, pushed from her tummy to her butt. Again, very cute. And while I was cleaning out the hamster cage on the floor, she was (very adorably) peeking her little face over the bumper on her crib, after pulling it down with her little fingers so she could see what I was doing. I melted.

She went in to the doc today so we could check out what we thought was an ear infection, and we now officially have Emma's first illness. She had a little sniffly cold for a couple of weeks, and that turned into the ear thing. She's on antibiotics, but it's not bad at all. My mom and I took her in today and everyone who watched us would have thought my mom and I were going to the doc, since Emma was so happy and cheerful and giggly and smiley - and my mom is hobbling along on her cane and I could hardly walk because of my back thing.

Anyway, off to watch a movie. Can't wait for Emma's first word!

Ladies and gentlemen...

2009-02-26T19:35:00.000-08:00

we have a CRAWLER! Yes, that right there dear guests is a certifiable, butt and elbows in-the-air scooter on hands and knees!

She did it last night on the bed, and I thought, naw, it's just because she can get extra purchase on the cushy 4-inch memory foam, but lo and behold, today ON THE FLOOR she crawled! Like, 12 times! AND she's starting to pull up on her crib, which resulted in a very quick plea to the hubby to MOVE DOWN THE MATTRESS, ALREADY.

She's such an amazing baby. Of course, all moms say that about their kids. BUT MY KID IS DIFFERENT. DUH.

Anyway, it's so much fun to watch her because she's so focused. I remember when Alex was this age. I could sit him on the floor with a handful of toys and watch him promptly throw everything every which way and end up with everything spread everywhere all over every spot in the room (how about I use the word "every" one more time because I don't think I've used it enough in this sentence). He had a gleeful chaos about the way he played. He still does, although, thank god, he's actually gotten pretty good - and less pissy - about cleaning up his hellhole when he's done with it. He also had (has) a tendency to only play with toys for an average of 1 minute apiece. Which is why his room ends up the mess it is - he'll play with something, lose interest, drop it wherever he happens to be, pick something else up, play, lose interest, lather rinse repeat.

Sidenote: I received a brochure on ADHD from our pediatrician awhile back. The picture on the cover was a child playing - in gleeful chaos, no less! - in a room that looked EXACTLY like the room my wonderful son had left behind that afternoon. Toys strewn everywhere, clothes hanging outside the hamper, bed unmade and blankets askew...you couldn't walk in that room. Anyway, he's gotten better.

So back to Emma. She has been MUCH slower than Alex to reach all of the milestones - which is to say, she's right on track. While he was insanely, ridiculously early. On everything, physical and verbal, up until he was about 3. Emma has taken her sweet time, and I've gone through my daily, "Chill out, Marce, she's doing fine, Alex was just early" mantra. I also noticed that with him, I loved how fast he hit every milestone, just because they all came so quickly and it was so much fun to see the next thing coming - next week. With Emma, it's been so much fun to see the next thing coming - next month. And I love it just as much - I'm cherishing the babyness of her, while I cherished the growing-up of him. And the playing. Oh, the playing - I'm so loving watching her play.

She will sit in one place and focus on one toy. Pick it up, mouth it, turn it around, stare at it, tap it on something, shake it, shriek a little if she really likes it. If it makes noise, she'll dance (OH, the DANCING! Another whole post in itself). She will play and play with that one toy until she has figured out everything that it does, and then she'll put it down. But she won't just put it down, she looks for somewhere to put it. I bought her a shapesorter barn the other day, and now she puts everything in there. It has a barn door that she opens and closes, and not only does she put the shapes and letters that belong with it in there, she tries to shove all of her toys in there too. When she plays with that barn, she will take something out, look at it, mouth it, then put it back in. Take something else out, look at it, tap it on something, put it back in. None of this, "I'm done, where can I randomly throw this thing?" stuff, no, she's very organized. If she takes it out of a container, she puts it back IN the container. (My anal-retentive heart just let out a little SQUEE!) She also will try really hard to make things go back the way I put them originally - stackers and such she will try over and over to make them stack the way I showed her they're supposed to go. She hasn't succeeded at that one yet, but she's close.

I sat on the floor with her (painfully, might I add, I don't sit well right now) for 20 minutes tonight. I talked to her, I named things as she picked them up, I said, "Open!" or, "Close!" every time she opened or closed the barn door. And she smiled at me EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

In other news, Alex had the belt ceremony tonight, where he was promoted to orange belt. I'm so proud of my two amazing kids. I bought a new book tonight called, "You're My Wish Come True." I read it to Alex earlier and he said, "I'm your wish come true, right Mom?"

Definitely, Alex. You and Emma both.

NOOOO!!

2009-02-25T07:44:00.001-08:00

OK, admittedly, Hollywood has run out of ideas. They're so stretched that they have made careers out of remaking old ideas. But this? This is just WRONG. You do NOT remake CLUE! That would be like someone remaking The Rocky Horror Picture Show. YOU DON'T MESS WITH A GOOD THING, HOLLYWOOD.

Dlisted

Seriously, that movie made me fall in love with Madeline Khan. "Flam-flames...on the sides of my face...burning..." I use that one all the time...

My son, the black belt (to be)

2009-02-24T21:08:00.000-08:00

I know, I know, where are the pictures? Well, honestly, we've been busy, and I keep forgetting the camera. So until I get my head screwed on straight, you're just going to have to make do with words. Lots and lots of 'em. Well, later. Tonight I hurt like hell so you're only getting a few.

So yesterday at Taekwondo Alex got his letter of invitation for Black Belt Club. I don't know if I've mentioned this (*cough* only a dozen times *cough*) but Black Belt Club is a BIG DEAL. Today, after class, a new nunchuk and baton, and $319(!), Alex is now officially on track for a black belt. Master said that Alex has demonstrated a strong commitment and incremental improvement, as well as being very smart (duh) - and, well, he wants it. Alex really really wants his black belt someday. And this whole TKD thing is working out EXACTLY the way I'd hoped it would - he's more focused, he's trying hard and he's really improving. So now he can go to 4 classes a week, plus black belt club class and sparring on Saturdays. Which basically means he can go to class every day except Sunday. We won't be DOING that, of course, because, my god, *I* can't handle getting him to class every day - I really can't expect a four year old to handle that. We'll most likely be going 4 times a week TOTAL - *including* club class and Saturdays. And if he finds that he wants to do something else in addition, we'll cut back on that. But he loves it, and he's doing so well - I don't want to discourage it.

Anyway, that's it, except for this whole leg thing. I mentioned that my hip/leg thing is back, but this time is different, and worse, and all kinds of ouch ouch hurts dammit can't sit anymore kind of OW. The doc said it's definitely sciatica and they're scheduling an MRI to see if it's simply S-I joint inflammation from the pregnancy or (cue scary music) a BULGING DISC. 'Cause that's what every busy mom with a busy son in busy Taekwondo and a busy 9 month old baby wants to hear. The prospect of BACK SURGERY! Woo hoo!

I'm gonna go lie down. And take some more vicodin.

Out of the mouths of babes

2009-02-23T20:08:00.000-08:00

Alex: I’m sad

[Looks down at his baby hippo which he’s cradling]

Scott: Why are you sad?

Alex: My baby hippo died.

Scott: How’d it die?

Alex: The bad guys shot him and punched him and he died.

Scott: Oh, well we can get him the best medical care in the world.

Alex: I need to talk to my Pink Panther Master, he can fix it.

Scott: How?

Alex: He’ll drive to Marysville and pick up the Benadryl.

Scott: And that’ll work?

Alex: Yes, it’ll make him alive again.

[10 seconds pass]

Alex: YAY he’s back!

Pondering

2009-02-20T23:20:00.001-08:00

If your second child turns out completely different from your first, and your personality is inherently analytical, why must you feel guilty about noticing and enjoying the differences?

Piss Me Off, Why Don't You

2009-02-20T23:17:00.000-08:00

Come thisclose to rear-ending me because you were following me so closely you could have been licking my tailpipe. And make me feel guilty about stepping on the brakes. Ass.

Love This!

2009-02-20T23:13:00.000-08:00

I really can't believe the kinds of things people will do to food. It almost makes me not want to eat cake.

Almost.

Cake Wrecks

Couples stuff

2009-02-18T19:43:00.000-08:00

I rarely do these things, but I'm running low on material (and energy) this evening, so here ya go: more about me and Scott.

Did you go to the same school?
We both graduated from WSU. We met there. How we met is another story, one we'll save for later.

Are you from the same home town?
Not even close. I was born on the east coast, Scott in the south. If we consider hometown being where we spent the largest portion of our lives, then we were a lot closer than that.

Who is smarter?
Scott is far smarter than I am but won't admit it (he doesn't think he's smarter than anyone, which just goes to show that common sense and intelligence often have an inverse relationship). I think we're both smarter than the average bear but I go around telling people that. He doesn't.

Who is the most sensitive?
Ahem. Next question.

Where do you eat out most as a couple?
We like El Toro and Casa Mia. I like Bella Nina's too, but Scott doesn't like it as much.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Vegas. We're hoping to go to Hawaii sometime this year. We should probably get on that.

Who has the craziest exes?
Hmm. Well, Scott only has one ex, officially anyway. And she's pretty normal (aside from the whole "accusing MY ex of sexual harrassment" thing, but that happened before I knew any of the three of them, and that's another convoluted story that I won't get into now). I had 2 serious boyfriends before Scott - one is still a good friend and the other...well, I guess he kind of qualifies. He needed treatment for depression and chronic fatigue, and after we broke up he got caught sleeping with his best friend's wife (the one with 8 kids). So yeah, I guess I win.

Who has the worst temper?
Ahem (cough)...yeah, that would be me. Twice, maybe three times, Scott has lost it since I've known him. And losing it, at the most, constitutes punching a hole in a door. And it's usually me that caused him to lose it. I, on the other hand, think nothing of shrieking and screaming and self-righteously protesting until he calms me the eff down. And god dammit, he's always RIGHT.

Who does the cooking?
HA! Ha HA! Cooking? What's that? I try really hard to make Scott do the cooking. I CAN, I just don't ENJOY it, and therefore avoid it.

Who is the neat-freak?
One of the biggest problems my mother has with us is the fact that neither of us is a neat freak. I'm very organized, and I live in a state of organized chaos. You need something? I will find it. Fast. But don't expect to come over to my house without at least a day's notice, because you will be subjected to clutter and dishes in the sink. We do a thorough cleaning about every two weeks, usually when someone is coming over. But my words to live by are "A clean house is the sign of a wasted life."

Who is more stubborn?
We are each masters of the stubborn. I'm always convinced I'm right, Scott always IS right. I'm scared that we have unleashed this on the world in the form of our (very cute) children - I'm not sure the world can handle that much mule-headed determination and self-righteousness.

Who hogs the bed?
He says I do. I say he does. I win. Because I said so. Dammit.

Who wakes up earlier?
See, this one, if you know Scott, is really just a funny (and unnecessary) question. I have taken to answering his, "I'm going to get up to catch the bus tomorrow at 4:30" statements with a "HA!" Because I can count on the fingers of one hand the amount of times he has gotten up at 4:30 in the last 3 or 4 months. Even though he's supposed to be saving gas and money by commuting the hour and a half to work. I get up at 5 a.m. Every morning. Except weekends, when I'm usually up at 6ish with the kids.

Where was your first date?
Our first official date was to Basilio's. But we had already begun "dating" by then, since our situation was a little different. Again, not going into it now. Maybe later. :-)

Who is more jealous?
This is a question I'm not sure about. Yes, a *little* jealousy is healthy in a relationship, but neither of us is a very jealous person. We both recognize that just because we're in a committed, loving relationship, it doesn't mean we're DEAD. We obviously have the "you're not allowed to..." lists, but those consist mainly of the obvious. So I don't think either of us is more jealous.

How long did it take to get serious?
We started dating in October, I realized I loved him in November, we were engaged the following June. And before we got engaged we talked about it for 2 months, bought the ring, then he waited a month to propose. So basically I was always serious. I think he was the same.

Who eats more?
See, to look at us you would think me, but he actually eats twice as much as me. He just has this nervous energy that I think burns all his calories (he fidgets and shakes his leg a lot when he's sitting still, and I think that accounts for the skinny-lankiness of him).

Who does the laundry?
Someone cannot ever remember that he is not supposed to put my shirts in the dryer for longer than 20 minutes, so someone is no longer allowed to do my laundry. He does his own, I do mine, Alex's and Emma's, as well as the towels, sheets, etc.

Who's better with the computer?
Um...maybe you should ask the software developer.

Who drives when you are together?
Scott has this thing about all things being equal. I definitely hear about it if it's been longer than twice since I drove last. I don't mind driving, I just like someone else to do it if I don't HAVE to.

30 glorious minutes

2009-02-17T21:49:00.000-08:00

At taekwondo tonight, Alex received a "home task sheet" from the master, and wow, was that a motivator. It's a simple checksheet with things like, "Completed homework," "Took a bath," "Cleaned room," "Kept hands and nails clean and cut," etc. So this evening after getting Emma fed and ready for bed, I let her play on the floor

(sidenote: SHE'S CRAWLING! Sort of. It's the cutest thing - she digs her toes into the floor and pushes her butt up in the air, launches her face into the floor and wiggles forward. I laugh. Hard.)

and while she was playing Alex and I went through each. and. every. item. on the home task sheet. It took him at least 30 minutes, but all I had to do was say, "OK, Alex, the next thing is _________" and off he would go. He was so excited to check off that little box - I got him to hang his uniform, pick up his toys, MAKE HIS BED (holy crap, he's actually pretty good at it too), take out the garbage, clean his ears, wash his face, blah blah blah...all without a SINGLE ARGUMENT. And when we were done, since he doesn't get "homework" or have to do "studying" (what 4 year old does?) we did his BOB books and called it studying.

BOB books are simple 2-letter books that help to teach the alphabet. He has the first 5 memorized. Yes, that's 5 WHOLE BOOKS, and granted, each one is only ten pages with about 5 sentences total, but he has them all memorized. So I go through and point to each letter, say the name, the sound, and the word underneath it, he repeats it, and then he tells me the next 2 sentences, lather rinse repeat.

He has always LOVED his BOB books, but especially so since one day a couple of weeks ago when he did the most amazing thing. We got to the second letter in one of the books and he couldn't remember what it was, so (and those of you who work with me, you especially will appreciate this) he:
1. grabbed the book from my hand,
2. TURNED IT TO THE FRONT so he could see the title,
3. said, "The C-D Book,"
4. TURNED IT BACK TO THE PAGE HE WAS ON(!)
5. and said, "D! D, duh, dog!"

Now, really, it doesn't sound all that spectacular, but when you work in education (at least where I work) you begin to appreciate the little things. And when your 4 year old CHECKS HIS UNDERSTANDING, it's a BIG DEAL. I have 5th graders who don't do that!

For you non-education types, the reason this is such a big deal is because comprehension is based on being able to look back in the passage and clarify your understanding. Adults do that naturally - we've been doing it for years, we take it for granted. But the hard part is getting kids to do it, and it's a large part of what I work so hard for every. single. day. I can't tell you how many times throughout the day that I say, "Did you find your evidence in the selection?," or "Which part of the story told you that?" or "Knock it off." (That last one is just a regular occurrence unrelated to comprehension.)

Anyway, the fact that I work so hard for that at school and came home one night to find that my AMAZING WONDERFUL ALL KINDS OF SMUSHYNESS HAPPYFACE son is doing this ALL BY HIMSELF (wow, I've used a lot of caps in this post) was a HUGE FREAKING DEAL (there I go again) so I made a HUGE FREAKING DEAL out of it. I squealed, I shrieked, I yelled, "YOU CHECKED YOUR UNDERSTANDING!" I kissed him, I squeezed him, I sent him running out to tell Daddy, I yelled some more. (See, I tend to reinforce it when kids do things they're supposed to do. But only a little. Wouldn't want to overdo it.)

So, long story long (another bad habit of mine), we had a glorious 30 minutes together tonight, capped off by a round of BOB books that he was very excited to read. He earned 3 stickers at TKD tonight, did a lot of great stuff when he got home, and we read books together while Emma shoved her face into the floor.

It was a good day.

Mama Bear

2009-02-15T16:36:00.000-08:00

So I'm watching the Grey's Anatomy/Private Practice combo on Friday night (we DVR everything so we can watch it without commercials). At one point this woman comes in with her pink-bedecked baby looking all sorts of adorableness, and it becomes obvious that the mother is upset because she walked out of the bathroom to get the phone WHILE HER CHILD WAS IN THE BATHTUB. Which, well, duh, stupid idiot, IGNORE THE PHONE. But this woman was obviously exhausted and it became apparent throughout the episode that she was not only sleep deprived, but also suffering from not just post-partum depression, but post-partum PSYCHOSIS. 'Cause that sounds fun.

Anyway, the baby is fine, but the woman, despite needles from acupuncture sticking out of her face which are designed to keep her from losing her shit, becomes increasingly disturbed, and, well, in the midst of losing her shit, admits that she held her daughter under the water, "Just for a minute, so I could maybe get some sleep" and let me tell you, I experienced something I have never experienced before.

You know how mothers are said to be able to lift cars off of their children after an accident? It's supposedly called the "mother bear" effect, or something. Well, I didn't have to lift any cars, thank god, but I did immediately get off the couch (I was knitting. Can you believe that? I was in the midst of knitting a blanket for my baby.) and notwalkRUN to Emma's room. I promptly pulled the blanket off of her, lifted my (sleeping. She was SLEEPING and I woke her up.) baby girl from her crib, and sat down in the rocker and proceeded to rock her back and forth, practicing my deep-breathing exercises. It was like my body was so physically and morally opposed to that idea of THAT WOMAN holding her baby under the water that I couldn't even control my own limbs, my body had to go check on my baby to make sure that she wasn't being held under water. It took my brain five minutes to catch up and go, "Holy shit, Marci, calm the eff down."

After I had rocked Emma back to sleep and fought back some tears, I put her back to bed and checked on Alex, who of course was just as peacefully sleeping in his bed.

But at least now I know that if there is ever a threat to my kids, my body will react accordingly. Even if it takes my brain a few seconds to catch up. Which, all in all, is probably a good thing.

I'd probably spend an hour analyzing the best way to approach the situation, and then waffle on the decision I'd made until someone else made the decision for me. I'm just glad my body isn't that analytical.

Love This!

2009-02-15T16:09:00.000-08:00

"I don't hate Valentines Day, I would just rather someone got me a present because it was a Thursday or its rainy out. My perfect guy would often say things like "Hey I was at the store and I bought you Hot Pockets and a stuffed monkey. Wanna watch a horror movie?"."

College loans

2009-02-14T20:27:00.000-08:00

So I'm starting my masters this summer. I'll be working on the Organizational Leadership program, which is a somewhat generic program unrelated (directly, anyway) to education, and is a good stepping-stone for future administration opportunities in both education and otherwise. I found the program through a couple of teachers I work with, who both loved the one night a week classes, as well as the easy commute (it's just down the street from work). It's also somewhat inexpensive, compared to some masters programs I've heard of.

I read an article the other day about college debt, and how it's forcing college students to choose careers other than teaching because the $30k they make a year in teaching won't cover the college loan payments. And then they mentioned the amount of debt these students had - a girl who got a teaching degree (bachelors) and had $80k in debt; another who had her masters and $100k...

My thought is, why in the hell would you go to a college that costs that much when you KNOW you're going into a low-paying field?

Most teachers end up going to school to become teachers from the beginning. I didn't - I wanted to be a vet. I went to my school to do that. After my first year, I realized I didn't know what I wanted anymore, so I came back home, went to community college until I got my AA and had things figured out, then went back to the university.

I went to a community college and a state college for a reason - it costs less. I could have wasted 15 grand a year at the state college trying to figure out what I wanted to do, but it wasn't my money I was wasting, so I decided to go somewhere cheaper. (As long as you get your AA, that usually pays off. Don't even bother if you haven't gotten your AA though - that's a whole other post about non-transferred credits and extra work on your part. GET THE DAMNED AA.)

Oh, and Scott? He paid for college by himself, working 3 jobs. He took out one small loan toward the end, that's it. And he was really hard to convince when I told him I wanted to help pay for college for our kids - he still grumbles about that. He only agreed when I told him that the accounts we were setting up were in our name only and if our kids didn't hold up their ends of the bargain (gpa above 3.2 and working a job to cover other expenses - we've already discussed this at LENGTH) that we could take that money and blow it on a trip to Hawaii. Or something.

Anyway, I'm just shaking my head at this one. People who want to be teachers actually go to colleges that cost 20+ grand a year? Seriously? Why? And this isn't a snarky question, it's an actual, explain it to me so I can understand, type question. We don't get into teaching for the MONEY, people - did you not know that when you decided on colleges?

Any insights?

I seriously think too much.

2009-02-10T22:52:00.000-08:00

So I go to the dentist today because I've been having this pain in my tooth. Turns out, there's NOTHING WRONG. No cracks, no missing fillings, I don't even have much dental work that could have problems (which is surprising considering my weakened enamel due to some hardcore antibiotics I was on when I was a newborn and my teeth were just forming). Want to know what they think the problem is? Stress. They think I'm grinding my teeth.

Pshaw. No, that couldn't be happening. I haven't just spent the last week obsessing over a stupid baby shower, trying to make everyone happy. I haven't been worrying about my pregnant friend AT ALL. I haven't been in pain lately because the stupid SI joint inflammation is BAAAAAAAAACK (I see the chiropractor and massage therapist next week THANK THE ALMIGHTY INVISIBLE PINK UNICORN). I haven't been worried about my husband's health or my son's behavior or my daughter's breastfeeding or my master's application (did I tell you I'm starting my masters? I must be effing NUTS) or the fact that I'm just about done with the whole boobage thing altogether...no, I don't have any stress in my life.

So I'm going to bed now (late, because, you know, god forbid I actually am able to fall asleep before 11, when I have to be up at 5). Wish me luck - I'm hoping I still have teeth in the morning, instead of just really sensitive teeny-tiny nubbins.

Hehehe...I like the word nubbins.

Piss Me Off, Why Don't You

2009-02-10T22:51:00.000-08:00

Get all up in my grill. I dare you.

Updates

2009-02-02T09:05:00.000-08:00

Emma got her first fever this weekend. No other symptoms, just a fever, 100.3 at the most. She seems perfectly happy as usual, maybe her poops are a little less solid than usual, but both the fever and poops could be from teething. She's an amazingly easy sickie. She actually fell asleep on my shoulder twice this weekend - that should have been the first clue that she was sick. She loves being held, talked to and kissed, but cuddling, not so much. She has always wanted to fall asleep on her own and not be rocked or anything, so this was a little surprising. And I enjoyed every minute of it.

Alex informed us this weekend that he doesn't have a girlfriend right now because, "I haven't asked anyone yet." When I asked him who his last girlfriend was, he said, "Alexandra. But she broke up." He's apparently not interested in another girlfriend just yet, although we'll see what happens when he gets home from preschool today. :-) He and Scott are finally developing a very close relationship. Part of that stems from me nursing Emma - I'm with her so often that I don't have as much time for Alex anymore, and Scott has been more than willing to pick up the slack. And I'm so glad he has - he is such an amazing dad. I was running around doing chores and such last night and I walked into Alex's room to find Scott sitting on the bed with Emma on his lap and Alex beside him, attempting to read one of those Pokemon chapter-style comic books (you know, the ones you read from back to front, right to left, Japanese style). Alex and Daddy are becoming quite a team, which I'm so glad of, because it makes me feel better about being so close to Emma.

I took my girls, Sydney and Shauna, to the mall on Saturday. It was an amazing trip. I learned so much about them and come to find out, the roles that I had envisioned them taking ended up being completely switched. The one I always thought of as the levelheaded one ended up being the emo, goth, scream-metal rocker chick, and the one that I saw as being the kind-of-ditzy, quiet one was the more level-headed, street-smart, friends-till-we-die type. She's the one who surprised me by buying me a ladybug while I was talking to emo girl, using all the money she had, and she handed it to me saying, "This is for being such a great teacher." I love those girls from the bottom of my heart, and I hope that my influence in their lives helps them find the right paths. One of the nice things about not being their teacher anymore is that I could be a little more candid with them, discussing their lives and talking to them on their level. It was a really great day, and I'm so glad I could share it with them both.

That's all for now. I'm off today, staying home with the sickie, and taking Emma to the doc this morning. More soon.

Go Britney!

2009-01-27T20:26:00.001-08:00

Damn, no one can say this woman is stupid. Well, ok, many people can say she's stupid. And crazy. But she certainly knows how to make people talk about her. And sell singles.

Her new song - say it fast now - is called "If You Seek Amy." I'm listening to a clip right now of a talk show with people arguing back and forth about the "inappropriateness" of the song, and the "embedded messages" that are poisoning our children and making us all go to hell. The line everyone is all aflutter over is, "All the boys and all the girls are begging to If You Seek Amy." Which personally, I think is hilarious. And creative.

And if you don't want your kids to be corrupted by a very cleverly inserted curse word then turn off the radio. Or change the station. Don't cause a ruckus and make national news complaining about how damaging it is to our puritanical ears, because you know what you're doing then?

YOU are selling more CDs. Funny, isn't it?

Love This!

2009-01-25T21:48:00.000-08:00

I seriously LOST MY SHIT. hehehe...

The Armstrong Returning of the Garbage Disposal Disaster

Tiny Dancer

2009-01-25T20:39:00.000-08:00

That's it. I'm convinced. My little princess is going to be a prima ballerina with the long flowing tutu and the grace of the wind whistling through the leaves of an aspen tree.

I've written about Alex's tendency to shake his booty - all the parents laugh out loud when, during taekwondo, while he's supposed to be bouncing in preparation for a kick, he instead wiggles his butt around like he's trying to shake a bug off of it. He always danced from a young age, too. I would swing him around our living room for hours, and I guess that translated into bobbing his head back and forth, which translated to booty-shaking. He was dancing around the living room the other day and he proudly proclaimed that he had "new moves."

Anyway, I thought that he really liked to dance. But then I had my daughter. And DAMN, does she like to dance! Alex danced when there was music on, the radio or a CD or sometimes a commercial on TV. But Emma? All she needs is a beat. A rhythmically spoken sentence, a tapped-out rhythm on a table, even the rhythm of the tires in the car makes her smile, bob her head and shake her shoulders back and forth. I have as much fun watching her sway and smile as I do watching Alex shake his booty.

We need a video camera, because no description can do them justice. You have to see it to truly appreciate the joy the two of them get when they're feeling the music. I guess I understand it because I feel it myself, even if it's just a Britney Spears song. I hope that even after we take him out of his dance class that Alex continues to shake his booty. And that Emma eventually shakes hers, too.

Piss Me Off, Why Don't You

2009-01-25T02:00:00.000-08:00

Overheard at Walmart (within 15 minutes of one another, on the SAME DAY):

1.
Approximately 3-year-old child: (screaming, whining, waaahwaahwaah)
Mother (appearing strung out and smelling of cigarettes): Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Shut up!
(slapping sound)
Child: (screams louder with hand on his face)
Mother: (with a smile on her face) How about some Dora underwear? They're so cute! (while child is still screaming)

2.
Woman (standing in cosmetics aisle): Maybe I'll get this one.
Man: Why don't you just pick a fucking lotion already.
Woman: Why don't you fucking shut up?
Man: I'll kill you. I'll kill you right in this store.

Walmart, you bastion of class, you.

Help where you can

2009-01-25T00:48:00.000-08:00

This evening while reading I was reminded of all the pregnant women I currently know and a random thought popped into my head. When I was pregnant with Alex we decided to do the birthing class thing, because I was determined to not have a c-section and I wanted to know the relaxation tips and tricks and such.

(Incidentally, I ended up not going into labor on my own, being induced a week early because they thought he was big but my body wouldn't do anything, so I came back almost 2 weeks later - and after being induced a second time, and 19 hours of labor, his damned head was too big and I needed a c-section anyway.)

But again, I digress. I do a lot of that. Anyway, while at this birthing class we of course ran into some interesting types. One girl was 17 and came with her mom - the father never showed up but she and her mom seemed like nice, together people. The kind who, if she didn't decide to give the baby up for adoption, you knew would have a loving, supportive home.

There was the crunchy couple who were determined to have a natural birth - which, by all means, if you don't want drugs, don't get drugs. But damn, did I like me some drugs. Anyway, this couple's baby was breech, and they regaled us at every class with the natural ways they used to turn the baby, because they were determined to avoid a c-section at all costs - they even went with acupuncture. The baby finally turned just before our last class, so whatever they did, it worked, I guess.

Then there was this woman who came with her friend. She looked about 17-18, decent enough girl. But I saw in her eyes what I see in the eyes of some of my kids - that hopelessness, the, "I've never known a better life so this is all I'm going to hope for" kind of dullness. I don't remember exactly what the story was, but she told us about how she was walking out of a 7-11 and got shot in the back. And this happened while she was pregnant, so it was obviously recently. She talked about it with a wry smile on her face too, like everyone walking down the street gets shot, and yay! she survived it, no big deal. It made for a very uncomfortable moment when everyone in the class squirmed in their seats and made small, "Oh...wow," or "Thank god you're ok," remarks.

I think working at my school has done a lot for my acceptance of things like this. Growing up I lived a very sheltered, upper-middle-class life, and went to schools where even the least popular, poorest kids still had at least an apartment in a decent neighborhood to go home to. I've been to some of the "homes" of my kids - the trailers, hotel rooms, apartments where there are roaches on the floor and nothing but popcorn in the kitchen.

I took one of my kids home one day, after taking him shopping for some clothes because he came to school every day dirty and smelling like pee. He lived in a hotel room with his mom, stepdad and older brother, and the room didn't have a kitchen or microwave or anything, and they were eating popcorn for dinner. I paid for their hotel room that night, secretly, just before I left, because 2 weeks before this they had gotten kicked out of their apartment and his mom told me that they didn't know what they would do soon. I did all this knowing that my student's parents were both mentally ill, and possibly drug-addicted, and I wasn't surprised when a couple of weeks later his mom approached me, no shame or even pride on her face, and asked me if I could give them some money. That time I said no, and made sure our counselor and CPS knew what I knew. The boy is now living with his real dad and making strides. He's still not ever going to be accepted by the other kids - he has some mental health issues and god only knows what living with mom and stepdad did to him. But at least I know that I helped him a little, and I hope he remembers me for taking an afternoon to spend just with him.

The year after this I took a couple of girls on a shopping trip. One, I'll call her "Sydney," whose mother had been in prison for a long time, who basically abandoned her, and who was living with her aunt. I still have a good relationship with her aunt - we're on a first name basis. She told me recently that she uses my influence as a way to keep Sydney on the straight and narrow, by saying, "Is what you're doing something Mrs. B. would approve of?" It apparently works, which makes my heart swell every time I think of it - that I've had enough of an influence on this child that even years later as she's entering teen years I'm still making a difference in her life. She calls me to chat and occasionally texts me to tell me about her life and things she's going through.

The other girl, "Shauna," has been through the ringer. Molestation, drug-addicted parent, a sibling with enough issues to cause her problems with friends...the poor thing, from day 1, thought she had to not only care for herself but everyone else, and she never had a chance to be a kid. When I talk to her it seems like she's 25 years old sometimes, and then she'll turn around and do something that I'll think is terribly pre-teen of her. Recently I got a call from Sydney, who is still friends with Shauna even after moving and going to different schools. The call started normally, with me asking about how school was going and if she was being picky about boys, when suddenly she burst out, "Shauna's gone!" and started crying.

Apparently Shauna had run away, met up with a boy (who was VERY NOT her own age) and was gone for almost 2 days before the police caught up to her and him. Sydney told me that she heard Shauna was cutting herself, wearing "emo" clothes and being depressed, and that she had sex with this "boy" (who turned out to be VERY NOT a boy, but a man who should have known better). I imagine it has something to do with the fact that I'm a rather self-centered person, but all I could think when I was hearing this was, "If I had been more involved with Shauna's life the last couple of years, could I have prevented this?"

This is why I do what I do, I guess. I originally got into teaching because I love to teach - to impart knowledge to others and watch them light up when they have that "AHA!" moment, knowing that I had a part in that. But when I started teaching I didn't realize how much of myself I would end up giving to these kids, just because they need me. And I beat myself up every day because I don't have more I can give - I have my own life, with my own kids, and I have to keep the two separate or I will literally go crazy. But I end up loving these kids as much as I love my own, especially the ones that are hurting the most, and all I can do is help where I can.

I'm taking Sydney and Shauna out for lunch next week.

Two kids

2009-01-20T23:12:00.000-08:00

How in the hell did it happen that I'm almost 30? And that I have 2 kids? Where did the time go? It seems like just yesterday I was living in the duplex in Pullman with my boyfriend and ex-boyfriend. Boy, was that a story.

Anyway, two kids. Enjoy. :-)

Strictly Alex

2009-01-20T23:01:00.001-08:00

And to keep things fair and balanced, here's a treasure trove of Alex pics. He's just as cute as Emma. Especially when he looks at you all sweetly and says, "Mom, I like your pretty glasses," or "You're beautiful, Mom."

Strictly Emma

2009-01-20T22:40:00.000-08:00

So, the natural tendency is to have FEWER pics of successive kids, right? Yeah, well, I totally went against the grain on that one. I find I have at least as many pics of Emma as I did of Alex, if not more. But to be fair, we didn't have our own digital camera when he was little, and I HATED having to take pics in to get developed. Plus I just discovered Shutterfly recently, which totally opened up my options. So, that being said, here are a veritable shitload of pictures of my freakin' adorable daughter.

More Christmas pics. This was playtime after presents but before she passed out.

I know I'll have to get used to this face when she's 13.

She really is ALWAYS this happy.

Mid-clap. She learned to clap last month. And she's starting to kind of say "YAY!" when she claps because that's what I always do. :-)

8 month photoshoot. Isn't the dress adorable? I love Carters.

I LOVE TOES. God, I love baby toes. I just want to eat 'em all up, they're so freakin' cute. (And I really should be arrested and thrown in word-choice jail for the amount of times I've used the word "freakin'" in this one blog entry.)

Christmas Pics

2009-01-19T14:43:00.001-08:00

This was Christmas at my parents' house. You can see Emma in her second "First Christmas" outfit, the one that wasn't Alex's originally. Alex got several Transformers, that Football outfit he's wearing, and various other Toys That Are Currently on Amber Alert (since he can't find them. Already.). Emma got her first My Little Pony that crawls and talks and calls her Mommy. I died. :-) She also got a little piano and various other toys that, oddly enough, are NOT under Amber Alert. She also got a babysitter in the form of a black dog. Who luuurves her.

Love This!

2009-01-19T14:38:00.001-08:00

Turn off your alarm, come back to bed, and snuggle for another hour and a half.

Then go do a puzzle with our son.

All before 7:30 a.m.

God, I love that man.

Updates

2009-01-19T08:51:00.000-08:00

1. I, once again, get to wear the Mother of the Year crown. Last weekend Emma was sitting on the floor of her bedroom, I was sitting on one side of her, Scott behind her, and she reached over to the hamster cage. I grabbed her hand before she could stick her finger in, looked up at Scott to say something, and in that split second she managed to not only stick her finger in the cage but get the tip half bitten off by the little shit of a hamster. (I can't blame the hamster - it did look an awful lot like a teeny tiny carrot.) She's fine, didn't need stitches or anything, but it bled like a m-fer for 2 hours.

2. PICTURES! I finally have pictures! I'll post a few different posts over the next couple of days to get updated on our pictures, since we finally were able to get them off the camera. Something happened and the computer isn't recognizing the camera when I plug it in so we have to take an extra step and download them to the laptop, then move them over. Which I finally managed to get Scott to do this weekend since he's been working so hard lately. More pics coming soon!

3. Nursing: I quit pumping last week. I'm tired of it - I was getting two ounces in THREE DAYS. So I quit, and oddly enough, my supply seems to be back up and running. We may make it to a year yet.

4. My perfect sleeper has decided she doesn't want to be perfect anymore. Although, technically, she still is, since she's still sleeping through the night, and as soon as we GET her down, she sleeps 10+ hours. But the poor thing decided this week that she didn't want to GO to sleep, so we've been Ferberizing her the last day or two. Actually, I don't know if the method I'm using is Ferber or not, it's probably simple Cry It Out, but it involves putting her down and letting her cry for a successive number of minutes, and going in to comfort her and let her know we're here at intervals. Last night it was cry for 2 minutes, then comfort, then 5, then 10, and she was asleep before we got to the 15 minute period. She woke up happy as a clam this morning, so it's obviously not hurting her. This will probably take a couple of days and she'll be back to normal.

5. Alex got his yellow belt and sparring gear in Tae Kwon Do. He was very excited about the sparring gear especially, because now he gets to practice his kicks and punches ON OTHER PEOPLE. And he's really GOOD. If he can learn to control himself and be aware of things around him, he will do very well in TKD. He also asked about starting soccer again, so we're going to look into that.

6. This, sadly for me, will be Alex's last year in dance. We always said that as soon as he became aware of the stigma associated with male dancers that we would take him out unless he REALLY wanted to stay in. But he has been saying lately that he doesn't want to go to dance, and his little friend Spencer, who has 2 older siblings (one a teenager), has been making comments like "dancing is for girls." We don't want to teach him that Spencer is right, so we finish out the year. But after that we'll tell him that TKD, gymnastics and soccer (or whatever else he does) are enough for him so we decided to drop one of his activities. He's actually pretty good at dance, but if he were to continue it would be on his terms, and the type of dance he wants to do, and I'm pretty sure ballet/tap/jazz isn't it. Although with the way he can shake his butt I'd say hip hop might be the way to go. :-) And he stays in gymnastics as long as possible - it has really helped his flexibility. The other parents at TKD marvel at how flexible he is when they do stretches and such.

So that's it. Posts with pictures coming later today. I have shopping and playing to do!

Love This!

2009-01-18T12:03:00.000-08:00

Occasionally I'll check etsy.com for adorable handmade items for Emma or my friends. I found the two below and my brain went "SQUEE!"

Trinity's Tutus Kristy, Jazlyn's getting one of these for her birthday. And it may come early. ;-)

Ladybug Dress

Pondering

2009-01-18T11:41:00.000-08:00

I love Dooce. And this quote from her site just sums up my blog in two sentences:

"How To Annoy Me: Call this website a "diary" or a "journal." I prefer "piece of self-loathing, self-indulgent, narcissistic crap," thank you very much."

REALLY Piss Me Off, Why Don't You

2009-01-17T10:06:00.000-08:00

So the in-laws borrowed Alex last night and are keeping him for a couple of days. I'm enjoying my quiet morning reading various blogs and such, when through a movie-review website I found this link.

"Butterbodies"

Reading that article made me want to pick up my cat litter box and dump it on the head of the asshole who wrote it. And then pour more cat pee on his head so the litter really clumps up in his ears.

You know, I actually read Maxim magazine, and when my ex had a subscription to Playboy way back when, the girls and I who hung out at his apartment actually spent more time reading it than the guys did. (Although that probably stems from the fact that we were actually READING it, as opposed to ogling, but still...) I appreciate the humor, for the most part. And face it, I would read a napkin if it had something printed on it, I just like to read that much.

So I can appreciate and occasionally understand the stupid stuff I see on Spike TV when I'm catching reruns of CSI; the random "Bacon Porn" crap they print every month in Maxim; and hell, I even get the half-naked women (or at least, I like my male eye candy, I'm not going to begrudge Scott his female eye candy).

But "Butterbodies"? At first I got really pissed off, and by the time I was done reading that article my brain was so pissed off at *me* for reading it that it literally jumped out of my skull and ran away. I mean, Sara Ramirez? Drew Barrymore? What the hell are mothers teaching their sons if they can't find these beautiful, vibrant women attractive because they aren't stick thin? Holy shit, Sara Ramirez has hips! And BOOBS! And my husband finds her ridiculously hot, which I should probably hate her for, if I didn't have my own little girl-crush on her myself.

Then, after I calmed down a bit, I realized something. They might as well have called that list, "The Fat Girls' Guide to Being Successful in Hollywood," because really, every single one of those women is more famous and successful than the asshat who wrote that article. (God, what I wouldn't give for Salma Hayek's boobs. They're phenomenal. Scott agrees with me on that one.) And I can guarantee you that every single one of those women has had a harder time being successful in Hollywood than your average stick-thin, plasticized blonde.

I saw a picture recently of 3 women - Men's Ideal, Women's Ideal, and the National Average. I would link to the picture, but they're mostly naked (the important parts are covered) and I don't want innocent people being offended by it (comment me if you want to see it). If this picture wasn't proof of how hard women are on ourselves about our bodies, I don't know what is: Women's Ideal was a tall, thin size 8. Men's Ideal? Curvy size 12. National Average? Size 16.

You know the thing that pisses me off the most? Now even more people will go read that article and increase the asshole's ad revenue. Which was probably the point in the first place. Or at least I hope it was. The fact that someone (or worse, multitudes of someones) actually thinks that these women are fat and unattractive really does not make me feel good about raising my daughter in this world. Or my son, for that matter. I just hope that my influence on Alex and Emma can overcome the constant bombardment of "stick thin is the only thing you should have or be!"

I grew up with that. I know how hard it is being fat in this world, and having people either assume you're stupid because you're fat or that you don't ever stop eating. I also know that I'm not the only one who is constantly questioning my body or how I look - typically "beautiful" women do it too. And that's just sad. That any of us have to do it. Whenever I'm hanging out with my friends Jennie, Sara, Kelly, Laura - any of them, really - I always hear something about how they aren't happy with themselves. No matter how beautiful they may be (and they are all beautiful, each in her own way).

So why do we have to buy into what assholes like this guy (the author of the article) have to say? It's only the opinion of one guy, disseminated for the whole country to see like it's gospel. Not everyone thinks that way - in fact, most guys I've talked to don't. Different people are attracted to different things, but from childhood on we're made fun of or judged for what we find attractive, so then we start to think that something else is better, instead of the thing we originally loved.

I'm able to find something beautiful or attractive about just about everyone I meet, whether it be their features, personality, intelligence, banter - why can't everyone else?

Piss Me Off, Why Don't You

2009-01-15T19:27:00.001-08:00

Wear sandals. With socks. IN WINTER.

Pondering

2009-01-13T20:22:00.000-08:00

If a tree falls in the forest, does Kathy the Cat Casket creator sneeze?

Love This!

2009-01-13T20:13:00.001-08:00

HAHAHAHA! I actually laughed out loud at this -

So I signed up for the Google ad thingy, which is cool 'cause if people click the ads on your page you get paid (although that sentence is NOT asking you to click, because according to the "terms of contract" I'm not allowed to ASK anyone to click).

So apparently what they do is the Google program "crawls" your site and looks for keywords. And then they post ads that match those keywords. Hence the breastfeeding ads that were in abundance.

Until just now, when I saw this, and I couldn't freakin' resist: www.kathyscatcaskets.com

Who in her right mind would make a living out of selling CAT CASKETS? Why, Kathy, that's who!